I swear I *really* want to stop talking about this subject, but something keeps drawing me back in.
Maybe if I type out a some of these annoying thoughts swirling around my head, I can make it all go away.
1) In 1972, a Uruguayan rugby team’s airplane crashed in the Andes mountains, and some of them ate human flesh to survive. Unlike Barack Obama, none of them ate a dog.
2) If a liberal defends Obama’s dog-eating, just say – slowly, and with an honestly-confused look on your face – “yeah… but… Obama. Ate. A. Dog.” Ironically, said liberal will then get angry enough to bite the head off a terrier.
3) Obama supposedly ate a dog to gain its powers. Was his goal to lick his own privates, or did he just want to eat cat turds out of a litter box?
4) Speaking of dog-powers, Koreans regularly eat dogs, yet unlike a dog, North Korea has yet to successfully launch into Earth orbit. What’s up with that?
5) Many Americans are skeptical about whether Obama actually ate a dog, since he has yet to release his original, long-form recipe.
6) Some people are demanding that Obama apologize for eating a dog. Others call the notion ridiculous and insist that nothing short of reparations will suffice.
7) At a press briefing, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney responded to inquiries on Obama’s dog-eating by saying “it’s just a distraction”, and NOT – as some outlets reported – “a dachshund.”
8) The thing that angers liberals most about “Obama ate a dog” jokes is that they don’t make the people who tell them look racist.
9) And you thought Glenn Reynolds had trouble shaking the “puppy blender” moniker…
10) Obama never actually said he ate a dog. He only said he was “introduced to dog meat.” Begging the question, “after the introductions were over, when did he say his goodbyes?”
11) Meriwether Lewis (of Lewis and Clark fame) also ate dog. However, historians have yet to discover a single hilarious photoshopped image of him doing so.
12) Although Obama has promised that his dog-eating days are behind him, he was recently caught on a hot mic telling Russian President Dmitry Medvedev that, after the election, he’d have the “flexibility” to “chew on a dog” if Putin said his name 3 times.
13) Obama eating a dog is just a distraction from the real issues this country faces, like OBAMA ATE ROASTED GRASSHOPPER! Are we avoiding this discussion just because Mitt Romney never strapped a grasshopper to the roof of his car? The man ate a bug! And he wasn’t even being chased by Reavers!
14) Can you imagine how irritated feminists would be at the jokes being made if Obama had eaten a cat?
15) Hopefully, Obama eating a dog will finally make dogs seriously reflect and ask themselves, “why do they ate us?”. Also, they should reflect on their poor grammar skills.
And, because I’m sure you guys need to get it out of your systems, I’ll be awarding High Praise! to the worst “Obama ate a dog” pun that gets left in the comments. Allow me to set the bar nice & low:
“Why did Obama brag about eating a dog? Doesn’t he know that Americans find that re-pug-nant?”