ELYRIA, OHIO (AP) – Following President Barack Obama taking a not-too-subtle swipe at his Republican opponent, Mitt Romney, by declaring: “I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth,” conspiracy theorists have begun demanding that Obama produce his birth spoon to prove his claim.
The head of the “spooner” movement, Rielle “Lunar” Tich, said that she doesn’t necessarily doubt the President’s claim, she just wants to see the evidence herself.
“He says it wasn’t a ‘silver spoon‘. Fine… then what WAS it? Was it stainless steel? Was it plastic? Was it actually a fork? I mean, there are a LOT of questions here, and Obama is clearly stonewalling by refusing to release his actual, original birth utensil.”
Although the Obama administration quickly responded to the allegations by releasing a small, grainy image of the eating equipment alleged to have been originally stuffed in the infant Obama’s oral cavity upon uterine explusion, many remain unconvinced.
“Look closely at the White House’s ‘official’ image, and you’ll notice how the two middle tines extend outward past the curve of the spoon-bowl’s natural arc,” said Tich. “This is clearly a fake.”
“The truth is that the original is locked up in a kitchen drawer in Hawaii somewhere, and Obama will neither release it, nor grant permission for it to be viewed by the general public. Although the Governor of Hawaii CLAIMS he’s seen it with his own eyes, he later recanted with the feeble excuse that the drawer was ‘stuck because of a wedged spatula’ and he ‘only caught of glimpse’ of the original.”
Presumptive Republican nominee Mitt Romney’s campaign refused to comment directly on the infant implement imbroglio, saying only that “it’s time for America to focus on important things like jobs and the economy, and stop being distracted by when what was crammed into which of the President’s orifices, and whether it was full of dog meat at the time.”