Conspiracy Theorists Demand Obama Produce Birth Spoon
ELYRIA, OHIO (AP) – Following President Barack Obama taking a not-too-subtle swipe at his Republican opponent, Mitt Romney, by declaring: “I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth,” conspiracy theorists have begun demanding that Obama produce his birth spoon to prove his claim.
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The head of the “spooner” movement, Rielle “Lunar” Tich, said that she doesn’t necessarily doubt the President’s claim, she just wants to see the evidence herself.
“He says it wasn’t a ‘silver spoon‘. Fine… then what WAS it? Was it stainless steel? Was it plastic? Was it actually a fork? I mean, there are a LOT of questions here, and Obama is clearly stonewalling by refusing to release his actual, original birth utensil.”
Although the Obama administration quickly responded to the allegations by releasing a small, grainy image of the eating equipment alleged to have been originally stuffed in the infant Obama’s oral cavity upon uterine explusion, many remain unconvinced.
“Look closely at the White House’s ‘official’ image, and you’ll notice how the two middle tines extend outward past the curve of the spoon-bowl’s natural arc,” said Tich. “This is clearly a fake.”
“The truth is that the original is locked up in a kitchen drawer in Hawaii somewhere, and Obama will neither release it, nor grant permission for it to be viewed by the general public. Although the Governor of Hawaii CLAIMS he’s seen it with his own eyes, he later recanted with the feeble excuse that the drawer was ‘stuck because of a wedged spatula’ and he ‘only caught of glimpse’ of the original.”
Presumptive Republican nominee Mitt Romney’s campaign refused to comment directly on the infant implement imbroglio, saying only that “it’s time for America to focus on important things like jobs and the economy, and stop being distracted by when what was crammed into which of the President’s orifices, and whether it was full of dog meat at the time.”
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April 19th, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Please never, ever say the words “uterine expulsion” again. I’m begging you.
April 19th, 2012 at 2:03 pm
Didn’t Uterine Expulsion open for the Sex Pistols? (Hat tip: Dave Barry)
April 19th, 2012 at 2:35 pm
Way to work in the dog meat reference at the end there. +1 in the Kudos department.
April 19th, 2012 at 2:37 pm
Ernie – It’s actually loosely based on an actual Romney quote:
http://hotair.com/archives/2012/04/18/romney-this-election-is-about-jobs-not-about-obama-eating-dogs/
April 19th, 2012 at 2:42 pm
It was probably a spork, or maybe chopsticks.
April 19th, 2012 at 3:23 pm
Silver spoon or not, can we risk having a sitting president die from a half chewed bite of Weimaraner sandwich and Joe Biden ready to take over.
April 19th, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Stop. Stop it, IMAO. My stomach is hurting.
That spoon was actually used in lieu of forceps during his birth.
He was spooned out. Wait. His mother forked an Obama.
April 19th, 2012 at 5:03 pm
His ‘mother’ probably got the spoon from the Franklin Mint, clad with .00000000001 milligrams of genuine pure silver with a certificate of authenticity (not
birthuterine expulsion) and a handsome display case included, free, just pay shipping and handling.April 19th, 2012 at 5:57 pm
“…the President’s orifices…”
Great, thanks, how am I going to get that wiped from my memory?
Where is the “Unread” function?
Anyway, are we entirely sure he was “born”, in the usual meaning of the word?
Could be he was just “brought” into this world, through some sinister external force.
April 19th, 2012 at 8:27 pm
It was made of platinum, it’s easy mistake for someone to make.
April 20th, 2012 at 2:27 pm
@Bubba – I’m not sure how they do it where you’re from, but I’m pretty sure Sex precedes Uterine Explosion.