Nuke the News: Dog-Eaters and Other Unpopular Politicians

Posted on April 24, 2012 11:00 am

* I think I might be about tapped out of Obama dog-eating jokes. Eh, I’m sure I’ll think of more eventually. Anyway, there’s now a Dogs Against Obama website. Here’s a video from it:

And here’s a special video about the most terrorized dog out there, Bo:

If you told me as a kid that we’d have a black president, I’d say, “Of course. I always assumed we would.” But if you told me we’d have a president who ate dogs, I’d say, “What! The Soviets win?!”

* Now that the general election is pretty much underway, who is up for some more VP speculation? Much of it is focused on Marco Rubio who is going to be giving some “major foreign policy speech” for some reason. Is he prepping himself for the national stage? The only problem is that the World Net Daily says Rubio isn’t eligible to be president and that the toaster over is spying on them.

The other name mentioned a lot is Rob Portman who is the the governor of Ohio who sjdaklja…

Whoops, I fell asleep there. He’s apparently the boring safe choice. Boring might be good, though. We can’t all have exciting picks like Joe Biden who just the other day referred to the Florida everglades as the “ever-gators.” That guy is full of endless amusement.

* Hey, I have an idea for something the GOP can declare a war on — how about a “War on People Looking for Distractions from How Bad Obama Has Been at Being President.” I mean, the dog stuff is fun and all, but let’s not forget about how absolutely terrible Obama is at everything. A lot of people think Obama has a good shot at being reelected, but I really don’t think they’re factoring in the horrible at being president enough into their calculations.

* John Edwards has a 3% approval rating right now. Did he eat a dog too?

Hey do you remember how, despite being an obvious horrible phony to anyone with a lick of sense, he was the Democrats choice for VP in 2004? And then the Daily Kos flocked behind him in 2008 as the real progressive concerned about the poor and suffering? Let us never forget. The left would literally line up behind Hitler if Hitler learned to parrot the right stuff about “women’s health issues” and such.

* Jon Huntsman compared the GOP to the Communist Chinese for some reason, and of course Slate is encouraging him to form a third party.

“Party of one for Mr. Huntsman.”

[Click for more “Obama Ate a Dog” humor]

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35 Responses to “Nuke the News: Dog-Eaters and Other Unpopular Politicians”

  1. DamnCat says:

    When Obama was a kid in Indonesia he used to take his lunch to the madrassa in a Lassie lunchbox. But over there they called it a “doggie bag”.

  2. Yosoff says:

    Who the heck are the 3% that approve of John Edwards??!!

  3. Jimmy says:

    3% of our population are hair stylists, Yosoff. And they heartily approve of his hair. Geesh.

    Apparently, he’s getting his hair cut now at some $12 super wing ding shop.

    Wow, I saw him on the TV news last night. The man’s going to do hard time with the prettiest hair in the joint. That should make his patrons happy.

  4. ussjimmycarter says:


    Do you think they will mess his hair up during buggering sessions or will there be orders from The Big Guy to leave his hair all pretty and such?

    Hey, did you guys hear that Obama eats dog? Just wondering? Doggonnit! I’ll bet he couldn’t use the old “My Dog Ate It” in High School!!! Well, he could have said, “My dog ate it, then I ate my dog…” That would have worked, I guess…

  5. hwuu says:

    See I’m not the only one saying Rubio is ineligible. It is harder to get an ineligible republican elected than an ineligible democrat.

  6. Jimmy says:

    Dude, you’ve been gone entirely too long! We can’t seem to have any no-buggering discussions around here any more without you. And there’s been exactly ZERO head rippin’ and stuffin’ lately. This is no good!

    Oh yeah. They’ll mess it up, ussjc, but it’ll cost ’em extra… combs or hair spray or a specially decorated mirror, or maybe some kind of Edwards-approved prison toy.

  7. hwuu says:

    I think it is hilarious that Obama’s best line of plausible deny-ability for this Dog eating problem is that Bill Ayers didn’t realize that Dogs are not kosher to Muslims.

  8. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    Presuming that John Edwards is found guilty and sentenced to, say, 10 years hard time…convict Edwards would face, upon entry into a federal correctional facility, the potential of a delousing spray and submission to a “fresh fish haircut” (shaving of the head). Said convict, hereafter referred to by number not name, would be held in isolation prior to introduction to GenPop. Said convict upon introduction to the general population would, most likely go one to two ways: either become the catamite of a considerably larger skinhead leader-for the sake of personal protection- or head straight for the weight pile and bulk up. Either visual yields its own bitter comedic potential. Imagine Edwards upon release either mincing out of prison, a wretched, abused butterfly or exiting as a hulked-out, tattooed, scowling ex-con with a thousand-yard stare ready to write a book about his nightmare incarceration. Sodomy, heroin addiction, shankings in the shower…”I had to shank Pedro to send a message to the Latin Kings that I, and the rest of the Southern Skins, wouldn’t be their bitch. My hand trembled just before I shoved that sharpened toothbrush between his ribs and into his heart.” A potential NYT Bestseller.

  9. Harvey says:

    Ya know, I heard that Bo was going to a special school, training to be a seeing eye dog for blind dogs.

    But he flunked out because Barack kept eating his homework.

  10. ussjimmycarter says:

    I’m betting LARGE on the “mincing out of prison, a wretched, abused butterfly”… For some reason that one has me laughing the most! I wonder if Edwards “hears” his hind quarters now as he did those babies he won all that money on. I’ll bet they are are a screaming nooooooooooo!!!

  11. DontPlayRockyTop says:

    And by the way oh my gosh. The ad spinner now insists on showing me Nutro’s Natural Choice dog food. “Have a finicky eater?”, it says. Anybody asked Michelle that question?

  12. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    The hell with voter ID, ask everyone who shows up: “did you hear, Obama ate a dog?, if they say no, send them home. Liberals seems to be the only ones who haven’t and ironically, they’re the ones who allegedly bought ‘his’ book. Must have been like junk mail, from the book store directly to the trash.

  13. Jeff the Macedonian says:

    BO the Dog: “I just took a big Obama on the White House lawn!”

  14. zzyzx says:

    When all is said and done…would you buy a used dog from this man?

  15. Jimmy says:

    Nah, if anything, John Edwards will do minimum time in a Federal penthouse complete with Internet, TV, Wii, laundry service, free barbershop and guarded by fired Secret Service agents and lots of höökers.

  16. Marcopohlo says:

    I’m not sure you guys have thought this Veep thing all the way through. If the Repubs nominate someone of even standard intelligence, he/she is going to make Biden look embarrassingly bad during the debates, and will attract sympathy votes to the Dems.

    So don’t nominate Rob Portman – nominate Natalie Portman.

  17. Iowa Jim says:

    We can’t all have exciting picks like Joe Biden who just the other day referred to the Florida everglades as the “ever-gators.” That guy is full of endless amusement.

    That’s exactly why I think that he should be named vice-president for life. Both Obama and Romney should name Biden as their vice-presidential candidate. He’s funny, and he’s insurance against an assassination attempt, at least one by any patriotic American.

  18. MarkoMancuso says:

    Is it wrong that my brain read “exciting picks like Joe Biden” with an extra “r” in the “picks”?

  19. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Dog does not eat dog but Obama does. – Proverb
    “A house without either a cat or a dog is the house of a scoundrel or a dog eater.” – Portuguese Proverb
    “If your dog doesn’t like Obama you probably shouldn’t either.” – Unknown
    “If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of eating one.” – Andy Rooney
    Give a dog a bad name and eat him. – Proverb

    The normal body temperature for a dog is 101.2 degrees Fahrenheit until you cook it.
    The average dog lives 8 to 15 years except in primitive 3rd world hellholes where primitive people eat them when they’re young.
    To a young [dog], exercise and play are the day’s most important events. As a dog gets older, he dies at dinner time.
    Anyone can buy a dog, but it takes a kind owner to set its tail wagging instead of eating it.

  20. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    One in every three US families owns one or more dogs until the Obamas move in next door.

  21. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Choke chains can be dangerous unless you’re planning on eating him.

    Tough or not, most dogs can[be] lick[ed] [by]the entire family.

  22. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    “No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless
    absolutely certain that he’s not in the White House.” —
    Fran Lebowitz

  23. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    “I care not for a man’s religion whose dog and cat are on the menu” — Abraham Lincoln

  24. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Be My holy people. You must not eat the meat of a mauled animal in the field; throw it to the dogs and then eat them.

    Exodus 22:31

  25. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Who has the king of Kenya come after? What are you chasing after? A dead dog? A flea?

    1 Samuel 23:14

  26. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    But now they mock me, men younger than I am, whose fathers I would have refused to eat sheep dogs with.

    Job 30:1

  27. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Last but not least:

    One slaughters an ox, one kills a man; one sacrifices a lamb, one breaks a dog’s neck and then eats it; one offers a grain offering, one offers swine’s blood; one offers incense, one praises an idol—all these have chosen their ways and delight in their abominations.

    Isaiah 66:3

  28. blarg says:

    Afghans for Romney!

  29. zzyzx says:

    I must agree with #15 Jimmy. A guy like Edwards will inevitably end up in a federal minimum security prison where the chocolate mouse is made from real crème and the wine is never domestic.

  30. zzyzx says:

    Oops! That should be chocolate mousse…not choclate mouse.

  31. zzyzx says:

    …And that should be chocolate not…choclate

  32. zzyzx says:

    I’d better get out of here while the getting is good!

  33. Calvin A says:

    How about the latest Simpons episode where they visit the White House and Homer gets to say “Mmmmmmm, dognuts”

  34. Rock Throwing Peasant says:

    GOP “War on Distractions”

    Short, to the point, and cuts the B/S

    I like it, Frank.

  35. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    A more likely scenario for John Edwards is that, come January 20th next year, he will be the recipient of a nice, perfume-scented, blanket pardon from Obama, as one of his secret pal Barry’s parting gifts before he climbs on Marine One for the final departure from the White House lawn.

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