Obama: Eating Dogs Was How America Was Built

Posted on April 23, 2012 4:28 pm

ELYRIA, OHIO (AP) – At a campaign fundraising event, President Barack Obama accused his Republican rivals of trying to restrict America’s dietary choices instead of promoting the consumption of dog meat to help the middle class. Obama said those Republicans “don’t seem to remember how America was built.”

“Free the slaves! Fricassee the Shih Tzus!

“History records,” intoned Obama, “that when the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth rock, the friendly, peaceful natives were there to shower them with gifts of Schnauzer steaks and corned Collie. During the toughest hours at Valley Forge, our brave revolutionary soldiers ate the toughest meat – which, of course, is dog – to give them the strength to defeat the weak and crumpet-munching British.”

“Benjamin Franklin himself,” the President reminded his audience, “is famous for coining the aphorism ‘a poodle seared is a poodle burned,’ reminding a young nation that we must remain diligently watchful of our most precious gifts, like liberty and Lhasa Apsos.”

“When Abraham Lincoln built the intercontinental railroad during the middle of the Civil War, what do you think he fed the thousands of Chinese workers? That’s right – cat. But the millions of undocumented Mexicans who helped were definitely chomping Chihuahua.”

In a press release, Republican presidential front-runner Mitt Romney’s campaign derided the president’s statement as “historically ignorant.”

“The President is engaging in the worst sort of liberal revisionism. As our founding documents so eloquently disclaim, ‘no dogs were harmed in the making of these Free and Independent States.'”

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[Click for more “Obama Ate a Dog” humor]

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9 Responses to “Obama: Eating Dogs Was How America Was Built”

  1. DamnCat says:

    “We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us!”
    - Rover X -

  2. Son of Bob says:

    DamnCat FTW

  3. Iowa Jim says:

    “A poodle seared is a poodle burned.” Priceless. You’ve outdone yourself, Harvey. Take a bow.

  4. Tommy the Towelhead says:

    In the overall scheme of his presidency, Obama has not only screwed the pooch; he ate it.

  5. Harvey says:

    IJ – *blush* thanks :-)

  6. Dohtimes says:

    Obama said: Driving with a dog on your car is bad. A dog under the hood is jerky.

  7. SOYLENT GREEN says:

    Wow, he actually knew the Ostrogoths landed at Plymouth Rock?
    I’ve clearly underestimated his historical cred.

  8. Robert says:

    I know you posted this as a joke, but dog-eating in US history was not unknown. Lewis & Clark ate dog on their voyage of exploration. Well, Lewis did, anyway. Clark was more fastidious.

  9. Harvey says:

    Robert – Cool. I did not know that.

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