11 Reasons Why There Were So Many Empty Seats at Obama’s Campaign Rally

Posted on May 10, 2012 3:17 pm

Before his first official campaign rally in Ohio, President Obama predicted an “overflow” crowd at the 20,000-seat venue.

5,000 of those seats went unfilled.

But that’s OK. There are some perfectly legitimate explanations:
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“World’s easiest job: crowd-control at an Obama rally.”

1) They weren’t “empty”, they were “sitting-ready”.

2) No one sitting? Obviously this means that Michelle’s “Let’s Move” initiative is working.

3) Boehner’s from Ohio, so everyone was outside having a smoke in his honor.

4) They were all reserved for Obama’s many composite girlfriends. Who totally exist.

5) Shouldn’t have sold that block of tickets to the American Kennel Club.

6) Still damp from the Bieber concert

7) “20,000 men enter, 15,000 men leave.” Thunderdome™ v0.1 (Beta)

8) Check the closet. Bill Clinton might be “interviewing” interns.

9) Ticket-holder #15,001 – Michael Moore – jammed in the doorway. You’d be surprised how often this happens.

10) Obama’s audience was hand-selected to be representative of the entire American population, so 25% of them were out watching “The Avengers.”

11) This is Obama’s base we’re talking about. Maybe they had trouble catching a cab from the cemetary.

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Still, no one’s been able to delve to the bottom of this situation’s TRUE quandry:

Why were 15,000 of those seats full?

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17 Responses to “11 Reasons Why There Were So Many Empty Seats at Obama’s Campaign Rally”

  1. DamnCat says:

    * It was a nice spring day – a lot of people decided not ruin it by going to see Obama.

    * World Pool Association Championship 9-Ball quarter finals were on ESPN3

    * There were more exciting things to do in town that day. After all, we’re talking about Columbus, Ohio!

  2. Ernie Loco says:

    I just assumed that even in a city of 1.8 million on the campus of the worst school* in the nation, there aren’t even 20,000 people with nothing better to do during the day than listen to a blowhard who is actively destroying our economy prattle on about how awesome he is.

    *Just to be clear, Ohio State is the worst school in the nation not because of their politics or policies, but just because of the fact that they are Ohio State. (May their football team never win another Big Ten game for the rest of eternity!) Wolverines!!!

  3. Jimmy says:

    * They were “nosebleed seats.” This President isn’t worth one.

    * Ionizing radiation was used by the TSA on attendees. 5000 of them had unidentified wiggling objects in their underwear.

    * 42% of attendees were rejected on account of morbid obesity – or just being morbid.

    * Too many hippies showed up asking for pot. They were sent to Cleveland.

  4. Mxymaster says:

    The sad answer is, in a free country with an education system like ours, it is not that hard to find 15,000 morons.

  5. Jimmy says:

    * The economy is so tanked in Ohio, most everyone left.

    * Oh, they’re there, alright. Look more closely. They’re the dead Democrats that “vote early and vote often” in elections. (Try polarized lenses.)

    * Would YOU travel to Columbus to support THIS president? I didn’t think so.

  6. plentyobailouts says:

    It was pig wraslin day at the fair!

    Oh wow, was that today man?

    Who?

    Meh

    I was out of mountain dew and couldn’t leave the basement

  7. ussjimmycarter says:

    Dog BBA Season. Damn Dog takes like Forever to get done. I mean HELLO? Why didn’t someone tell me that Fluffy was going to take 2 hours on the grill to get nice and tender…I would have totally been there!

    Gay celebration of Gay Marriage Approval. Lot’s of Man-o-Man lovin goin’ on and too much for a Barry speech!

    Time to spread the manure on the garden…no sense having it dumped on me in some convention hall!

  8. Jimmy says:

    I was in Columbus, Ohio exactly one – in 1968. Sitting on the back steps of the Biochemistry building with my brother-in-law, we watched a bold of lightning from a big thunderboomer hit the campus radio tower and knock it down.

    Only place in my life that I’ve ever seen 100 degree fog.

    Armpit.

  9. Jimmy says:

    Oh, yeah, Ohio State University.

    Armpit.

  10. Critter says:

    tractor pull?

    opening day of hog hunting season?

    everyone was out of Skoal?

    a lot of folks found the pretty blue and white airplane outside more interesting than the moron inside?

    dinner time at Marjorie’s Cafe?

  11. Dohtimes says:

    Obama couldn’t eat the bomb sniffing dogs fast enough to get his 5,000 Muslim Brotherhood invitees through security before the prompter started rolling.

  12. SkyWatch says:

    Some rascally Republican placed Exit signs at all of the entrances so 5000 people just walked in circles around the building looking for the entrance.

  13. 4of7 says:

    In South Los Angeles , a 4-plex home was destroyed by a fire.

    A Mexican family of six, all welfare recipients and gang members, Lived on the first floor, they died.
    An Islamic group of seven welfare cheats, All illegally in the country from Kenya , lived on the second floor, And they, too, all perished in the fire.

    6 LA Gang Bangers, & ex-cons, Lived on the 3rd floor and they, too, died.

    A lone, white couple lived on the top floor.
    The couple survived the fire.

    Jesse Jackson, John Burris and Al Sharpton were furious!! They flew into LA and met with the fire chief, on camera. They loudly demanded to know, Why the Blacks, Black Muslims and Hispanics, All died in the fire and why only the White couple lived?

    The Fire Chief said, “They were at work”

  14. FormerHostage says:

    The 20K tickets were sent to registered Democrat voters. 5K were returned with the word “Deceased” stamped on the envelopes.

  15. Harvey says:

    I’d suspect the stamp would be the more Lovecraftian “dead, yet voting.”

  16. Mike says:

    @Ernie Loco #2—Mwahahahahahahaha! Michigan beats Ohio State ONCE in the past 350 years and now you get cocky? I hope you enjoyed your ONE! :-) Seriously, Michigan is a pretty awesome state, once you get above the bridge.

  17. IMAO » Blog Archive » lolbama! Part 90 links:

    […] From James: [reference link] […]

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