Nuke the News: Failed Politicians Land

Posted on May 25, 2012 11:00 am

* Apparently, if the federal government used the same sort of accounting the states use, the real deficit for last year was $5 trillion. That’s $42,054 per household. But look at all we get for the money!

I’ve even heard Obama trying to say he’s good on spending. He doesn’t even try to claim he’s reduced spending, just that he hasn’t increased it at a very large rate. So we did all this emergency spending… and continued spending at greater than those levels the year after. And he wants a pat on the back for it. In a more just world, he wouldn’t just be thrown out of office, he’d be exiled. We should just rename Antarctica to “Failed Politicians Land.”

* Obama keeps getting made fun of on Twitter, so he’s trying to find ways around it. So that’s what the leader of the free world is reduced to: hiding from all the mean people on Twitter. But he’s totally going to protect us from a nuclear Iran.

Man, I miss Reagan. How’s the DNA extraction from the vial of blood going?

* In news proving that universe is still working as it should, Levi Johnston is now penniless, having completely squandered his one million dollars, and has had to move in with his drug-dealer mom and take a job as Obama’s new Treasury Secretary.

* New York Republicans are proposing a ban on anonymous comments that seems pretty clearly unconstitutional. Still, I wouldn’t mind a little less anonymity on the internet. Unless you’re a Chinese dissident, most people seem to use being anonymous to be a jerk. Maybe we can have a special section — a nicer section — of the internet where you can’t be anonymous to participate. And we also need to bring back dueling. For politeness.

* So it appears the new gay DC Comic superhero is…

Golden Age Green Lantern!

So, just like they said, it is a long established character (he dates back to 1940), but also not really a popular current character (when someone says Green Lantern these days, people think Hal Jordan and the space police). And Jim Treacher writes what should be one of many jokes we’ll be seeing:

Really, this news shouldn’t be a shock to comics fans. It was just a matter of time. After all, Green Lantern’s only weakness is wood.

Are they really picking a superhero to make gay whose weakness is wood? Almost seems like they’re doing it for the jokes. I think it was retconned that the weakness to wood wasn’t a defect in the ring but was psychological, so perhaps this sheds some light on that.

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18 Responses to “Nuke the News: Failed Politicians Land”

  1. Jimmy says:

    “For politeness.”

    That reminded me of this:

    “I was only trying to be polite to the old ladies. If there had been any Russians there I would’ve mentioned ‘em. I don’t like the sons-of-bitches but I would have mentioned them out of politeness!” – General George S. Patton Jr.

    I can still chuckle at that line just thinking about it.

  2. Harvey says:

    From the Obama/Twitter link:

    “The questions were, then, not spontaneous, but rather likely cherry-picked by staff hours before, giving Obama ample time to prepare answers.”

    1/32 live-tweeting.

  3. DamnCat says:

    @Havey – exactly. The thing people like about Twitter (not me – I said “people”) is its spontaneity. Take that away and he’s got just another dull politician’s web page. This may help protect him for right-wing Twitter muggers but it destroys what makes the medium popular.

    DamnCat: “Is this tuna fresh?”
    Waiter: “Oh, yes sir.”
    DamnCat: “It doesn’t taste fresh”
    Waiter: “Well…it was fresh when it was frozen.”

  4. zzyzx says:

    Although he’s not a politician it does sound like Levi Johnson would fit in well in Failed Politician Land. How about Director of the Office of Management and Budget?

  5. zzyzx says:

    If the gay super hero turns out to be Green Lantern will the DC writers decide to change his name to Queen Lantern? ….The devil made me ask that question.

  6. Silverfiddle says:

    New York Republicans are proposing a ban on anonymous comments that seems pretty clearly unconstitutional.

    Can’t have a modern-day Publius or Cato popping up…

  7. Larsinkima says:

    So Green Lantern would be incapacitated by a sliver huh? That is pretty gay.

  8. silaS marreD says:

    What about Gayser Beam? I always assumed he was gay, you know, because of the name.

  9. Larsinkima says:

    Good one zzyzx. If that doesn’t work he can try Red Lantern. I’m not sure why comic book characters need to be identified sexually anyway. They are just paper, right?

  10. zzyzx says:

    Superman has his Fortress of Solitude, Bat Man his secret Bat Cave….and Green Lantern has the Castro District.

  11. MarkoMancuso says:

    Pennsylvania is entirely too close to New York for my comfort.

    Meanwhile, my state senator and my state representative got the Castle Doctrine enacted in the Keystone State. How you like them apples, Philadelphia?

  12. Jimmy says:

    DamnCat: “Well, does it have mercury?”
    Waiter: “Of course. Well, probably. Is that a problem?”
    DamnCat: “Only if it floats to the bottom.”

  13. Iowa Jim says:

    In a more just world, he wouldn’t just be thrown out of office, he’d be exiled.

    In an even more just world, he would be placed in the stocks for everybody to make fun of in public.

  14. Sarge says:

    Why does it need to be a MALE character that they gay up? Wouldn’t it sell a lot more comics if, say, Wonder Woman or Batgirl came out?

    ‘Cause that’s just hawt, you know?

  15. hwuu says:

    Look, we all know its Batman. It has always been Batman. He keeps a boy in tights around. The batcave is basically a secret dungeon room in his basement. Robin clearly has Stockholm syndrome. Robin is named Robin only because Batman didn’t think he could get away with naming him Swallow.

    Batman is gay, has always been gay and it is not a fun sort of gay. He is a dark knight after all.

  16. Browncoatone says:

    “And we also need to bring back dueling. For politeness.”

    This! Half of the problems we have in this country wouldn’t exist if people knew you could be killed in a duel for being an A-hole. Legalize dueling!

  17. Ernie Loco says:

    In a way, it’s kind of fitting that they made the really old Green Lantern gay. In order to appeal to the 1% of the population that lives a deviant lifestyle, they make the deviant character one that only 1% of the population actually likesknows his name.

  18. Ogrrre says:

    No, Sarge. What would be hawt would be if Wonder Woman and Batgirl came out and started living together.

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