Nuke the News: Left Uncomfortable with Troops and Vice Versa

Posted on May 29, 2012 12:02 pm

* I don’t feel like blogging today. All the humor in me is gone. My iPad fell out of my car and now has a crack right through the center. Its perfect screen is ruined and I can’t cope.

Well, I’ll try going on anyway. Is there a support group for people who cracked the screens on their new iPads?

* There’s a reason we have liberals around, because they’re always worried about things we would never even think of. Like on Memorial Day, we’re all just mindlessly talking about how thankful we are that troops gave their lives for us and our freedom, but luckily we have people like Chris Hayes on MSNBC to say, “Hey, slow down there a second. Let’s not be so quick about this.” You see, calling troops who gave their lives for us “heroes” makes him uncomfortable. To us, it seems natural, but he’s much more nuanced. And he’s got a point; these aren’t unquestionable heroes like people who fight for tougher recycling laws. These instead are people who are running shooting others we designate as “bad”, so maybe we should think more deeply about this sort of thing.

Okay, I’m thinking. Thinking.

Done thinking, and what I’ve concluded is the reason Chris Hayes is so uncomfortable is that better people makes him realize how tiny his own manhood is.

Anyway, Chris Hayes has apologized, chastising all us rubes having barbecues and not thinking deep thoughts like him. Actually, that doesn’t really sound like an apology. I get this feeling this whole country makes Chris Hayes “uncomfortable.”

* Maybe one of the reasons troops make Chris Hayes so uncomfortable is that they hate him. Gallup has Romney with a 24 point lead among veterans. How can those people be heroes and vote against Democrats? Actually, you’d think Hayes would then consider the troops who gave their lives to be heroes, since the ones who are dead are much more likely to be voting Democrat.

* Anyway, things haven’t been looking so good for the left with them taking over and having a complete disaster with the economy on their hands. Maybe they can really run with this “we shouldn’t praise troops so much” stance and totally beat the Republicans on that.

* Been hearing about Obama’s “Choom Gang” in high school quite a bit lately. So is that an actual thing or is that a composite of multiple drug using groups he was a member of? And why haven’t we heard about this until now? When Obama first appeared on the scene, I was doubtful of Obama’s ability because he had never shown any leadership before. But now we found out he was the leader of the Choom Gang and strictly enforced pot smoking protocol. Whatever happened to that Obama?

* And here’s a weird thing: While talking about contraception, Obama twice mentioned “my sons.” Is there something else mentioned in Dreams From My Father that no one’s gotten around to reading yet?

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14 Responses to “Nuke the News: Left Uncomfortable with Troops and Vice Versa”

  1. Son of Bob says:

    “Well, I’ll try going on anyway. Is there a support group for people who cracked the screens on their new iPads?”

    Yes, it’s called “Occupy Wall Street.”

  2. DamnCat says:

    And here’s a weird thing: While talking about contraception, Obama twice mentioned “my sons.”

    Direct Obama quote: “I want women to control their own health choices, just like I want my daughters to have the same economic opportunities as my sons.”

    Context: Obama was speaking in “Dear Leader” mode as patriach of the nation.
    Translation: “all ur childrens r belong to us.”

  3. CrustyB says:

    Obama was a major stoner in HS and can’t remember how many children he has or their gender. Makes sense.

  4. TheRoyalFamily says:

    The sons he speaks of are just composite children.

  5. Avaviel says:

    You can get your iPad fixed! There may be a shady repair guy in your area, if you find the right one they may be able to fix it as you wait for *around* $100. (Meaning I have no clue what the price would be!)

  6. Jimmy says:

    Maybe they were “composite sons.”

    Don’t you hate it when things break? Also when you lose them, which is even worse!

    You have our sympathy, Frank – but you don’t need it so what the hell. Does it help if I mention that you made me chuckle, as usual?

    I didn’t think so. :-(

  7. silverfiddle says:

    Before going on to being the first black president of Harvard Law review and the United States, Obama was the first black president of the Hawaii Choom Gang chapter.

  8. silverfiddle says:

    Hayes’ Apology:

    “On Sunday, in discussing the uses of the word ‘hero’ to describe those members of the armed forces who have given their lives, I don’t think I lived up to the standards of rigor, respect and empathy for those affected by the issues we discuss that I’ve set for myself,” Hayes says in a written statement. “I am deeply sorry for that.”

    So he is essentially apologizing to himself.

  9. plentyobailouts says:

    Hmm, they can put a commie in the white house, and can’t make an iPad screen that won’t crack.

    “My iPad fell out of my car and now has a crack right through the center.” Did you blame Bush, like a good democrat?

    “Anyway, things haven’t been looking so good for the left with them taking over and having a complete disaster with the economy on their hands.”

    But according to pravda, the economy is getting better. Tow your masters line you heathen Tea Bagger!!! /uberdoochemann

    iPad = pirate tampon?

  10. FormerHostage says:

    Chris Hayes just told the truth about his view of the military and American power. He knows his small group of viewers agree with his ideas and that only progressives watch MSNBC. Given the paucity of viewers he didn’t think that anyone outside of his bubble would hear his views.

    His appology was basically: I’m sorry I got caught!

  11. Rayfan87 says:

    ‘They strictly enforced pot smoking protocol’
    Hey! It’s puff puff pass, not puff puff puff pass. You only get two puffs per circuit!

  12. Mxymaster says:

    Stop hinting for a present of a new iPad.

    Great idea here: We need to whip up an ion storm and make contact with that “Mirror, Mirror” universe in Star Trek. Their liberals love freedom and responsibility and respect the military. Of course, the mirror America prefers free stuff to freedom. We’ll do a straight-up trade. Can’t wait to meet the thin conservatve Michael Moore.

  13. EdthePastor says:

    Let’s see the left feels uncomfortable with calling military KIA’s heroes but feels comfortable with men sodomizing each other in unholy matrimony and calling it a human right? Just checking. yes I’m testy today, blue screen of death beats a cracked screen.

  14. supertink says:

    Oh, man. On the iPad, you have my sympathy. Truly.

    Chris Hayes is a word I doubt would make it past the censor.

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