Nuke the News: Obama Ripped Off My Book

Posted on May 15, 2012 11:00 am

* Remember the section in my book where I compare Obama to every previous president? Well, Obama has decided to do that himself and has inserted himself in the official White House bio of previous presidents saying how he is continuing and improving upon their legacies. He only goes back to Coolidge, but I assume eventually he’ll add to all their bios showing how he is the culmination of all the presidents before him and thus the greatest president ever in the history of everything.

Totally ripping me off. I bet he’s already constructing his robot unicorn body.

* According to Obama, we don’t have to worry because “The question is not whether things will get better, they always do.” See things always get better, so we don’t have to worry. But if it’s inevitable that things get better, shouldn’t that go with a more Calvin Coolidge, leave things alone attitude? I mean, if it’s a foregone conclusion things will get better, no reason to panic and spend a trillion in useless stimulus, right?

* A new CBS/NYT poll of registered voters — not likely voters which always leans more Republican – has Romney leading 46 to 43. He’s even leading among women. This is almost apocalyptic for Obama.

Hey, what was that Obama said about how we don’t need to worry because things always get better…

* A new Obama ad calls Romney a “vampire” for what his firm did to jobs. But vampires are very popular these days; maybe that’s how Romney closed up the gender gap.

If Romney is a vampire towards jobs, what’s Obama? A zombie plague?

* Governor Jerry Brown is calling for big cuts and big taxes to close up the nearly 16 billion California deficit. Unlike the federal government, a state government can’t go into debt so it makes it harder to hide the government’s complete and utter failure.

Isn’t there talk of how California will eventually break off the continent and sink into the sea? That does seem like its most economically viable option right now.

* The right is dominating the Twitters. It may have a silly name, but it’s yet another way to allow conservatives to easily get their voice out and thus they’re dominating it. The reason the right fall behind in the media is few want to make it a full time job, but give conservatives the option to commentate or make jokes in their spare time, and you’ll find a lot of talent. Al Gore invented the internet, and now his own creation is destroying the left.

* Diablo III is out today. Considering how hugely successful the previous one was, it’s strange they waited more than a decade for the sequel. One innovation is that you’ll now be able to trade fictional goods to other people for real money. Our economy in the real world is floundering, so maybe it will do better in a virtual world. There’s no Obama to mess things up in the world of Diablo. There are demons and stuff, but they don’t raise taxes.

Max Payne 3 is also out. I loved the previous games and never got tired of diving in slow motion while firing two guns, but I’ll wait on this one. I’ve paid $50 for new releases of video games since I was a kid, and that’s the most I’ll still pay now. Why is everything $60 now? Obama must have screwed up video game prices like he did gas. We need more drilling; I don’t know how that will help video game prices, but it won’t hurt.

_______________

UPDATE: Linked at Commentary Magazine

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19 Responses to “Nuke the News: Obama Ripped Off My Book”

  1. DamnCat says:

    Looks like Obama has edited more presidential bios…

    • George Washington was a successful farmer growing crops such as corn, tobacco, cotton and hemp. Barack Obama smokes hemp.

    • The Nixon family dog was named Checkers. Barack Obama ate a dog.

  2. FormerHostage says:

    * Andrew Jackson was known as “Old Hickory” because of his toughness and aggressive personality. Barack Obama is know as SCOAMF.
    * Willian Henry Harrison died after only 32 days in office. Barack Obama went golfing 14 times after only 32 days in office.
    * Stephen Grover Cleveland was the leader of the pro-business Bourbon Democrats who opposed high tariffs, Free Silver, inflation, imperialism and subsidies to business, farmers or veterans. His battles for political reform and fiscal conservatism made him an icon for American conservatives of the era. Cleveland won praise for his honesty, independence, integrity, and commitment to the principles of classical liberalism. Barack Obama can’t balance a checkbook.
    * Harry S. Truman was a folksy, unassuming president who relied on his cabinet. He popularized such phrases as “The buck stops here” and “If you can’t stand the heat, you better get out of the kitchen.” Barack Obama’s handlers came up with “Hope and Change,” “WTF,” and “Forward.”
    * Dwight D. Eisenhower had previously been a five-star general in the United States Army during World War II, and served as Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces in Europe; he had responsibility for planning and supervising the invasion of North Africa in Operation Torch in 1942–43 and the successful invasion of France and Germany in 1944–45, from the Western Front. In 1951, he became the first supreme commander of NATO. Barack Obama supports a state’s right to define marriage…oh, and he killed Bin Laden.

  3. MarkoMancuso says:

    Two can play this game, Obama. Give me a couple of minutes.

  4. Mxymaster says:

    “Things will get better, they always do.” Also heard in Carthage (150 BC), Rome (AD 409), Constantinople (1452), Atlanta (1863), and Nagasaki (1944).

  5. MarkoMancuso says:

    * George Washington’s Fort Necessity was one of the dumbest tactical mistakes in all of American military history. If the French had been armed with rifles instead of inaccurate muskets, Washington and his men probably would have been wiped out. Learning from this lesson, President Barack Obama has ordered the Department of Defense to arm all marines and soldiers with surplus Brown Bess muskets.
    * James Buchanan sat around and did nothing (or worse) while the country was torn apart. President Barack Obama thinks that’s a straight shootin’ idea right there.
    * After the first day at the Battle of Shiloh, General William Sherman said to future President Ulysses S. Grant, “Well, Grant, we’ve had the devil’s own day, haven’t we?” “Yes,” Grant replied. “We’ll lick ‘em tomorrow though.” President Barack Obama can read from a teleprompter!
    * William H. Taft was really fat. Inspired by this example, President Barack Obama will render our wallets so thin that no American President or citizen could ever be fat again.

    And this one I just copied off the website:

    President Lyndon Johnson signed Medicare signed into law in 1965—providing millions of elderly healthcare stability [And it's fiscally sustainable too!]. President Obama’s historic health care reform law, the Affordable Care Act, strengthens Medicare, offers eligible seniors a range of preventive services with no cost-sharing, and provides discounts on drugs when in the coverage gap known as the “donut hole.” MONEY GROWS ON TREES! PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT DEBT BEHIND THE CURTAIN!

  6. DamnCat says:

    • Abraham Lincoln used government to make slaves into free men. Barack Obama makes free men into slaves of government.

  7. MarkoMancuso says:

    I think that about covers it, cat.

  8. Iowa Jim says:

    Unlike the federal government, a state government can’t go into debt so it makes it harder to hide the government’s complete and utter failure.

    State governments can go into debt. California has; that’s why it has a problem (in addition to the fact that everybody there is insane). What state governments can’t do is issue more money or “borrow” money from the Federal Reserve. Expect to see California in conservatorship (the same as
    bankruptcy, but it’s a state) within three years.

  9. coldguy says:

    Obama has decided to do that himself and has inserted himself in the official White House bio of previous presidents

    He’s already counting himself as a “prevoius” president? How very proactive of him, the elections are still a few months away. Well, right on track, considering when he started campaigning.

  10. CTCompromise says:

    @4: Mxymaster … You forgot Athens (2012)

  11. CTCompromise says:

    Obama’s next project is to insert himself into the official portraits of all the previous presidents, with his hand waving across their face.

  12. EdthePastor says:

    Why stop with former presidents?

    Genesis 1:31 (N.O.V.)
    God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

    and Obama said “I get all my work done in 3 so I can golf the other 4″

  13. JD Leven says:

    Every presidency before Obama was just a beta test.

  14. FormerHostage says:

    I heard he’s in talks with J.K. Rowling to change Harry’s patronus from a stag to a unicorn ridden by Barack.

  15. Tinman says:

    $60 for new video games count yourself lucky. In Australia where our dollar is the same as your dollar we pay $100 for a new game. And then we don’t get any local servers for online multi and are forced to play in American servers anyway.

  16. IMAO » Blog Archive » Why Obama’s Better Than Every Other President – Corrected links:

    [...] heard by now of President Obama noting the accomplishments of previous Presidents, then adding a note about how he one-upped [...]

  17. IMAO » Blog Archive » Link of the Day: Exposed – Obama’s Secret History links:

    [...] Obama’s claim to have improved dozens of historical events doesn’t stop with presidential activity. [...]

  18. Bad Science says:

    If we are going to compare the Presidential candidates to fictional entertainment, then I think Obama is like the Andromeda Strain. Hope you’ve seen that movie.

  19. Questionan says:

    I don’t speak for America OR the world, and I don’t want to. I have no right. But that doesn’t stop the racist right. Somewhere in their delusional hypocritical minds, someone made them speakers of the world and this country. No one did. No one ever win. But like I said, it doesn’t stop them from spreading the wide-spread lie of hate. That EVERY SINGLE BEING in the United States of America and the Whole World of existence hates Barack Obama.

    No that is not true. It’s obvious they don’t pay attention to how the world thinks. just how faux news and hate radio tells them how the world thinks, But the cold-hard fact is not EVERY single being in the world is an uneducated, racist, bigoted right-winger who hates that a black couple represents the United States. Week by Week, I keep saying how the racist right have lost their sense of reality (If they ever had one!)

    Ever heard that retarded saying “SCOAMF” Can’t tell you what it means, look it up. I said people if they are tired of hearing this crap. Turns out they aren’t, because they never heard. One a certain group of people never head the disrespectful trope. Classy, Respectful, Intelligent People. Ob’s such a Miserable Failure he grad Harvard Law and passed his bars and practiced law and beat the “war hero,” John McCain & Simple Sarah. Got Bin Laden. The white supremacists of the GOP Base reek of envy and desperation.

    Why does he need to release his school records? President Johnson didn’t even learn how to read until he was an adult, and he was taught how by his wife, not a school. There have been 7 presidents who never went to college at all, 2 that attended but never graduated, and one who in his entire life had a total of 1 year formal learning and everything else was self-taught. And please look up the definitions of Socialist, Communist, and Capitalist. I don’t think those words mean what you think they mean, and Socialist and Communist are not interchangeable.

    Why go through all this crap? Because of Mitt Romney. He is the only respectful man in the cesspool of racism known as the GOP. He takes the high road so much, they should just re-name it “The Romney Road” But his followers CAN’T create reasons other than he’s not black for the majority to vote for him in November.

    They don’t like him because he;s not the spitting image of their god, Ray-gun. As we more toward the November election Romney will increasing get more and more ludicrous in his attempts to find talking points to use, as the economic conditions slowly and surely get better. This in spite of all the efforts of the republicans in Congress to flush this country down the toilet just to make Obama a single term president. Mitt is the most out of touch politically and socially tone-deaf individual, in my lifetime, to run for President, and that goes back to the 1952 election.

    So lies and slander is ALL the racist right have left. Not to mention character Assassination. Think about this. Obama said he’s a Christian, He’s a liar. But If he said he snorted cocaine, he’s telling the truth Obama said he respects religions, he’s a liar, But if he said that he used to bully people all the time, he’s telling the truth. These hateful slime balls believes ANYTHING bad about Obama, even if he said it. He even said he was a Christian, but he’s lying. Bet you if he, out of nowhere, said he used to kill for fun. The a-holes who believe it.

    This is gonna be the most possibly racist election in history. As told by this man:

    http://www.esquire.com/blogs/politics/obama-divorce-story-8950341

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