Nuke the News: Obama’s New Grade

Posted on May 16, 2012 11:00 am

* Obama, who previously gave himself a “solid B+” has now downgraded his grade to “incomplete” while speaking to the harpies on The View. You can just imagine him pleading to his professor, “Please don’t give me an F! Give me an incomplete instead! My dog ate my homework and then I ate the dog!”

I’m pretty sure the presidency is pass/fail anyway. He’ll get his grade in November.

* The Obama administration has charged CBS and the New York Times with bias. You’d think they’d keep quiet about that bias, but they’re actually claiming it was against them in that recent, devastating poll. Of course, this follows a pattern for Obama of trying to whine his way out of problems. “Wah! We are super popular! That poll is just mean and you’re stupid!” It’s pretty annoying, but the whining will turn to sweet music when it’s them complaining about how they lost.

“Wah! People didn’t vote for us despite how great we are because they’re racist!”

“Whatever, Rosa Parks. Here’s your bags; get out.”

* Romney has likened Obama’s rapid increasing of our debt to a prairie fire. I guess that works as analogy.

CITIZEN: “Oh no! This prairie fire is spreading rapidly! We have to do something!”

OBAMA: “I know: We’ll burn our way out of it. Let me get my flamethrower.”

CITIZEN: “That’s a horrible idea!”

OBAMA: “SHUT UP! YOU’RE STUPID AND I’M SMART!”

CITIZEN: “Gah! You’ve made things much worse! What a complete and utter failure!”

OBAMA: “It’s an incomplete.”

* Breaking News: Chris Matthews is pretty stupid. He’s one of those people extremely insecure about his intelligence — and for good reason — and so he often lashes out at others, especially Palin, to make himself feel smarter. He often mused about how bad Palin would do on Jeopardy!, and then he went on it himself and was a complete boob. Because he’s dumb.

I really don’t know how this dim bulb got on TV in the first place. They should make a show co-hosted by him and Biden where they just let them rant on the news for a half-hour and then award one of them at the end for who said the dumbest thing that night. It will be a tough, exciting competition!

* So the Ron Paul campaign ended. Yeah, I didn’t know it was still going on either. His views just weren’t popular. It ends up that people hate gold and love the Fed. Also, they’re not particularly enamored by cranks and their overenthusiastic crank supporters. Well, there’s always 2016 to… waste money on a pointless campaign that only pesters people. Seems like his politics would be more at place in a road show. He could travel town to town and have some hapless neocon for him to debate and easily defeat — it would be like the Harlem Globetrotters. Something to consider.

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16 Responses to “Nuke the News: Obama’s New Grade”

  1. Rock Throwing Peasant says:

    “Incomplete” reminds me of the line:

    A man jumps off a cliff. Hurtling to the earth at max velocity, someone asks the man how things are going. Five feet from impact, he say, “So far, so good.”

  2. Iowa Jim says:

    Ron Paul is sort of the male Helen Thomas, isn’t he?

  3. zzyzx says:

    Dean Vernon Wormer: (To Flounder) Grade average 0.2… Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. Mr. Hoover, president of Delta house? 1.6; four C’s and an F. A fine example you set! Daniel Simpson Day… HAS no grade point average. All courses incomplete. Mr. Oba…
    [sees Obama with a pair of pensils in his nostrels]
    Dean Vernon Wormer: MR. OBAMA… ZERO POINT ZERO.
    [Obama shrugs]

  4. Paul says:

    That idiot Ron Paul. We like the monetary policy set by bankers because everyone knows they care about fairness! Surely that has nothing to do with the growing income gap which really launched when the Fed was free of the gold standard. And we like to be spied upon! More patriot act please! And we really like pumping military aid into the middle east. That is why those countries are so peaceful! And what an idiot, everyone knows SOPA, PIPA, ACTA, TPP, and CISPA are just for our own good! Why would anyone support someone like Ron Paul who has always been against those things? And we need more drone strikes! Every BBQ blown up is one less threat to the USA! And if a few family members are killed in the process, that isn’t going to fuel terrorism! People like to be bombed! Bombing for Peace with O-BOMB-YA!

    I am pretty sure Ron Paul as lots of other idiotic ideas. But thank heavens we now have Romney/Obama to choose from, just like the Established Parties, Wall Street, and the Main Stream Media wanted all along. BTW, is the Main Stream Media really different than Wall Street? No? Well let’s pretend they are!

    You kinda fail on the idea of being skeptical on what you are being told. In fact, you seem to be dishing out what you have been served by the establishment. Not really IMAO, but just IMSO (In the Main Stream’s Opinion)….

  5. Son of Bob says:

    “He often mused about how bad Palin would do on Jeopardy!, and then he went on it himself and was a complete boob.”

    Well, you can’t really blame him. He naturally assumed that Jeopardy would just change the facts to fit his ridiculous answers…like they do on MSNBC.

  6. MarkoMancuso says:

    A hick from the sticks in PA knew where St. Basil’s Cathedral was when he was sixteen. Losers.

  7. plentyobailouts says:

    Wow Frank! you managed to attract a Paul bot after he suspended his campaign and sent the loonies back to their holes. Granted most real Americans like most libertarian ideals, just not most libertarian candidates. Although we will miss Ron Paul when he is gone. Who else are we gonna make fun of? The occupant wont be around either, but it is not like we will miss him. We could make fun of Romney, but he is just so wonderful that it may be ( excuse me I have to rinse) impossible.

    Now back to a serious topic! Dude! He ATE a DOG!!

  8. Jimmy says:

    “A hick from the sticks in PA…” ?

    Would that be a “Transylvanian?”

  9. DamnCat says:

    Professor America: “Mr. Obama, I don’t care what the golf coach says; if you don’t complete your assignments you won’t be enrolled next semester.”

    Freshman Obama: “I’ll get my work done, Professor, I promise. It’s just, you know, sometimes I forget. If I could just get an extension, let’s say 9 months, …”

    Professor America: “But the next semester starts in 8 months.”

    Freshman Obama: “Yes, I know – that’s why I need an extension of 9 months.”

  10. MarkoMancuso says:

    Do they listen to country music in Romania, Jimbo?

  11. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Their poll was biased? Did they not lower the reading level far enough for Obama voters?

  12. Paul says:

    “Wow Frank! you managed to attract a Paul bot after he suspended his campaign and sent the loonies back to their holes.”

    Impressive. Disregard anyone as a “Paul bot” for pointing out the crap in the system Obama/Romney ignore. Very interesting indeed.

    I’ll just go back to being a “bot” because, stupid ol’ me, I happen to believe in studying issues and promoting solutions to problems. I don’t take my orders from anyone, Ron Paul, the Mass Media, or the political establishment. But the Status Quo is the problem today (as best I can tell) and Paul happens to be the only choice that isn’t Status Quo.

    What a bot I am.

  13. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Don’t worry Paul, Ron can run again in 2016, he’ll only be like 110.

  14. Eric Praline says:

    I will miss the Paulbots wildly flailing, trying to portray a guy that’s been in Congress since my Mom was in middle school as an anti-establishment “outsider.” But I’m sure Obama-drones will bring teh crazy, so grieving time will be short.

  15. 4of7 says:

    Paul, I feel your pain.
    I was rooting for Santorum myself.
    “The war of the gods and demons seemed already to have ended; and the gods were dead. The eagles were lost, the legions were broken; and in Rome nothing remained but honour and the cold courage of despair.”
    – G.K. Chesterton, The Everlasting Man, Chapter 7 – War of Gods and Demons.

  16. Terri says:

    I keep checking back to see if you’ve commented on this

    http://swampland.time.com/2012/05/16/the-story-of-ron-pauls-presidential-candidacy-as-told-by-his-supporters-in-swamplands-comments-section/

    mildly amusing Time magazine article about Paulbots, and ran into one on this page. Fun!

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