Nuke the News: Shiny Objects

Posted on May 11, 2012 11:00 am

At PJ Media, I detail my solution to the student loan debt problem.

Rats trained to pull levers to get food pellets have more useful skills than most of today’s college grads. And the cost of training rats doesn’t grow faster than inflation.

I like solving problems. In fact, in my next book coming out in September I solve every problem in America. So we’ll have to find new things to complain about here than problems.

* ROMNEY IS TEH BULLY!!!

Let’s just face it: We’re never going to focus on the economy for more than a couple seconds. We just don’t have the attention span. We try to pay attention to the important issues, and then shiny object pop up. Right now, it’s some poorly sourced bullying incident involving Romney.

It’s hard not to focus a bit on the double-standard here, as the media are digging hard for dirt on Romney but ignoring similar dirt on Obama that can be found just by reading his own book. But there’s no use whining about it; it’s just the way things are. We’re going to have to fight to keep the focus on the fact that Obama is a complete and obvious failure, and the Dems and the media are going to desperately seek any other subject than the important issues.

* That might not work, though. New Rasmussen poll has Romney at 50% and Obama at 43%. Logically, Romney should trounce Obama and this election should be very boring to analyze.

“Well, Obama was very bad at being president so he lost reelection by a large margin. People don’t like reelecting people who are bad at the job.”

We can hope.

* Biden apologized to Obama for forcing his hand on the gay marriage issue. What was the justification again for picking this blundering idiot as a running mate? He supposedly knew stuff about foreign affairs because he sat around in the Senate for three decades voting yes and no on stuff? When making any new government program, you need to ask yourself, “Will morons be able to implement this?” Because that’s all you get.

* The Los Angles Times asks “Is Obama too brainy to be president?” I really can’t tell if people are being serious or ripping me off.

Speaking of ripping me off, I noticed that Stephen Colbert is coming out with a book of a similar concept to my next one. Luckily, mine comes out a month earlier. And will be much funnier.

* Wisdom of the Day from David Burge:

I was expecting the election to be a referendum on govt spending, foreign policy and the economy, not an episode of ‘Glee’.

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11 Responses to “Nuke the News: Shiny Objects”

  1. John S says:

    Hey, don’t knock it! Obama took the blundering idiot (Biden) out of the Senate. And he took the wicked witch of west (Hillary) out of the Senate was well. And Satan took both Kennedy and Byrd. Not a bad four years if you ask me.

  2. DamnCat says:

    The Los Angles Times asks “Is Obama too brainy to be president?”

    Obama could step down and let Joe Biden take over. That would solve the problem – in spades.

  3. Son of Bob says:

    “ROMNEY IS TEH BULLY!!!”

    Then I may like Romney after all. Bullies get things done.

  4. EdthePastor says:

    Great piece on student loans Frank. Took me one year of college to realize Stupid Loans were not for me. Graduated 6 years later debt free. Oh and after I figured out I had to pay twice for any class I flunked, I didn’t get another F.

  5. Rayfan87 says:

    There’s a local radio station making a big deal about Howard Stern being a judge on Americas Got Talent, how does a no talent hack get a job judging other people’s talent? Isn’t Howard Stern judging talent contest like Obama judging a dog show?

  6. Harvey says:

    Actually, Stern DOES have a talent – it’s being a jackass and shouting “LOOK AT ME!”

    If you want people to watch your talent show, that’s the only talent you need your judges to have.

    Which is why I don’t like reality TV – I find attention-whores boring.

  7. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    A few days later, Friedemann entered Stevens Hall off the school’s collegiate quad to find Romney marching out of his own room ahead of a prep school posse shouting about their plan to cut Lauber’s hair punch a hippie. Friedemann followed them to a nearby room where they came upon Lauber a hippie, tackled him and pinned him to the ground. As Lauber the hippie, his eyes filling with tears, screamed for help, Romney repeatedly clipped his hair with a pair of scissors punched his stupid hippie face.

    There, I fixed it.

  8. Mxymaster says:

    JohnS, trying to get us to look on the bright side of life.

    Maybe we should frame this election in a way people can understand: Obama is Loki. Reelection is the Cosmic Cube. Loki eats dogs. You have to keep Loki from getting the Cosmic Cube or he’ll destroy the country and eat your dog.

  9. Ben says:

    In the old days, VPs were picked to bring regional balance to a ticket, to ensure the election. These days, one usually picks a VP that folks do not want as president as a form of insurance policy.

    Make a moron the VP, nobody wants to hurt the President.

    W did it differently. He had Chaney as VP. That scared a lot of folks out of harming that president.

  10. Son of Bob says:

    Ben, I would have loved Dick Cheney as president. And, if Harry Reid or Nancy Pelosi had continued to spew the dumb crap they’ve spent miserable lifetimes spewing he would have simply taken them hunting.

  11. Duke of Earl says:

    Before another liberal moron in the media writes one of these “Obama is the smartest person since ever” how about somebody sits down and give this guy an IQ test. Most of the estimates i’ve seen puts his IQ between 115 – 118, which while not shabby, it isn’t even the 125 George W. Bush’s IQ was estimated to be. The same methods were used to give Hillary Clinton a score of close to 140 points of pure evil.

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