Nuke the News: The Waterboy Is Spiking the Football

Posted on May 1, 2012 11:00 am

* So Obama’s new slogan is “Forward”. It’s kind of odd. If you’re in a car which brakes have been cut and are careening out of control, I guess you can describe that as moving “forward”, but that’s probably not most people’s choice. They’ll be like, “We have to stop this thing!” and Obama is like, “No, I want to see this through.” And everyone is like, “But we’re headed for a brick wall.” And Obama is like, “But I have a very good feeling about it; great things are going to happen when we reach it.”

Or maybe “Forward” is just a reminder of what to do with his mail in 2013.

* So Obama is “spiking the football” on Osama bin Laden. He has this ad out praising himself for making a decision 98% of people would have made. “When I saw the stove was hot, I made the bold decision not to put my face on it.” And then he’s trying to claim Romney wouldn’t make that decision because only Obama when presented with the choice, “Should we go ahead and get bin Laden?” was bold enough to say, “Yeah, I guess so.”

Obama will get some mileage out of taking down bin Laden… but only if he doesn’t overplay it. But he can’t help but overplay it because it’s all he has. That’s it. He has no other accomplishment to mention on the campaign trail — and I don’t count Obamacare or the “stimulus” because everyone hates those. The only thing is for him to say, “I killed Osama! So elect me so I can once again… um… er… I killed Osama.”

* Some Navy SEALs are upset about Obama’s victory lap about bin Laden when all he did was not get in their way while they risked their lives. As we learned from John Kerry, there’s a big risk in Democrats acting all tough on military stuff since they’re the sissy party and everyone knows it. And at least John Kerry was actually in the military; all Obama did was not interfere too much with what Bush had already got in motion. The more Obama talks about it, the more people are going to think, “So all Obama did before office was attack what our military was doing and now it’s the one thing he wants credit for?”

Also, if he’s still claiming that the economy is still Bush’s fault — despite Obama doing tons of stuff about it — aren’t the military successes also Bush’s fault — especially since Obama has done many less changes there?

* In the argument of who is better for dogs — super important for this election year — Mitt Romney once saved a dog’s life. For Obama, saving a dog involves using Tupperware.

* Wind farms may cause global warming. So what do we do? Do we make fun of the idea of global warming? Or do we accept global warming so we can make fun of wind farms? I think I’ll just point and laugh, “Haw haw!”

* Sunny has a new video in which she explores Tea Party racism:

* Wisdom of the Day from Dan McLaughlin:

“Forward”: Because “Yes We Can” was way too specific.

* The squeaky wheel gets the Wikipedia page. I noticed that if you put “Frank J. Fleming” into google, the first suggestion was “Frank J. Fleming wiki” which means people are trying to look me up on Wikipedia but I didn’t exist there. So I thought I’d just mention that on teh Twitters, and now I have a page. And it’s been up a couple days now so I guess Wikipedia has officially deemed me as “notable.” That’s right; I’m on my way up. Next step: fame and fortune.

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32 Responses to “Nuke the News: The Waterboy Is Spiking the Football”

  1. Peregrine John says:

    “Forward!”, huh? Sounds all active and stuff. Probably a word with a rich history of Progress! and Good Things! and Stuff Like That!

    But.. I dunno, it’s kind of reminding me of something or other. Hmm. Oh, yeah. That was it.

  2. DamnCat says:

    No, Frank, fame & fortune are the 3rd step…

    1. Get Wikipedia page
    2. ?
    3. Profit

  3. Harvey says:

    “Forward” is also the motto of Wisconsin, whose Governor brutally inconvenienced public sector unions and made them cry.

    Scott Walker should sue.

  4. Harvey says:

    DamnCat – that’s not right. I believe fame & fortune are steps 5 and 4, respectively.

  5. MarkoMancuso says:

    I fully anticipated Obama and his pack of fellow traveler dogs would do this and I also fully anticipated that I would be extremely pissed with how shameless and pathetic it would look.

    Right on both counts!

  6. Son of Bob says:

    “And then he’s trying to claim Romney wouldn’t make that decision because only Obama when presented with the choice”

    I’m so confused. So, according to Hussein Obama, us war-mongering neo-cons who were spending way too much time trying to convince liberals that terrorists exist and Bin Laden needed to be killed wouldn’t have killed Bin Laden? And, this from the guy who stalled the kill operation for months, backed up by statements from the ex-president who was offered Bin Laden three times and refused prior to his attack that killed 3,000 Americans? If ads and campaign claims this stupid convince Americans vote for Obama, they deserve him.

  7. Son of Bob says:

    “Also, if he’s still claiming that the economy is still Bush’s fault — despite Obama doing tons of stuff about it — aren’t the military successes also Bush’s fault — especially since Obama has done many less changes there?”

    FrankJ FTW

  8. Ray says:

    So, remember when Obama was going on about how the previous administration had metaphorically run the car into the ditch and it was now up to him to get us out of said ditch? Well, we’re still stuck in that ditch and he wants us to go “forward”? Isn’t that rather like falling into a hole and trying to dig your way out?

  9. Ray says:

    …and if we re-elect him he will…kill bin Laden some more?!?

  10. Mxymaster says:

    Wasn’t that the slogan for Congressman Mike Ward (D-KY)? “For Ward!”

  11. Basil says:

    Wikipedia page added 29 April, 16:12
    Nominated for deletion 29 April, 16:20 (8 minutes!)
    AfD withdrawn 29 April, 22:13

    Frank’s a keeper!

  12. Gun Nut says:

    Levin was all over the commie ties to “forward” last night, it was hilarious.

  13. zzyzx says:

    Isn’t ‘forward’ the word General Custer said to his troops just before the battle of the Little Bighorn?

  14. DamnCat says:

    Also, if he’s still claiming that the economy is still Bush’s fault — despite Obama doing tons of stuff about it — aren’t the military successes also Bush’s fault — especially since Obama has done many less changes there?

    IOW: There is an inverse relationship between the success of something and Obama’s involvement with that thing.

  15. CTCompromise says:

    “Forward” – Capt. Edward Smith, RMS Titanic

  16. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    The “theme song” to Obama’s “Forward!” vid apparently hearkens back to another bygone period of good times and prosperity in its use of the Hitler Jugend Theme.

    Ahhh…the golden days of The Autobahn, litre-sized beersteins, Anschluss, and lampshades made of human skin. AttackWatch? TruthSquads? Naaaah, mere trifles, those.

    All together now:…”Die Fahne hoch, die Reihe dicht geschlossen…” VORWARTS, LEUTE! Obama Uber Alles!

  17. Harvey says:

    Ever notice how all Obama’s slogans sound better in the original German?

  18. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    A bit more on the commonality of the present Obama campaign with the past:

    ‘”We are socialists, we are enemies of today’s capitalistic economic system for the exploitation of the economically weak, with its unfair salaries, with its unseemly evaluation of a human being according to wealth and property instead of responsibility and performance, and we are all determined to destroy this system under all conditions.” –Adolf Hitler

    Only the means are different for the various socialist branches, but the principle is the same for all: the end justifies the means. Joseph Goebbels, propaganda minister of Hitler, is quoted in Germany with the statement “… it is not for nothing that we have chosen the name National Socialist German Workers Party (NSDAP), because at heart we are Communists.” Briefing his generals before the invasion of the Soviet Union in June of 1941, Hitler told them that he wanted to bring them “real socialism.” His declared intention was to destroy the Christian churches after victory.

  19. seanmahair says:

    I guess Mr. Romney’s really arrived. He has his very own derangement syndrome. Congratulations.

  20. seanmahair says:

    The real question is will fame and fortune change our fair haired boy? We shall see…………

  21. FormerHostage says:

    When I heard the new slogan the first thing I thought of was a shtick by Firesign Theater about time travel:

    “Forward! Into the past!”

  22. Bantha_Fodder says:

    I think they were trying to play off of the popularity of “Pay it Forward”
    They initially came up with “Spend it Forward” but that wouldnt fit on the bumper sticker with obamas head, so they trimmed it down to just “Forward” – obviously, only the truly gifted and enlightened folk understand the origianl concept.

  23. ussjimmycarter says:

    Isn’t “Forward” like what all Communists and other Evil Doers use for their slogans and stuff? Oh? Oh yea…sorry! Hey, did you know that Obama eats dog?

  24. J.M. Heinrichs says:

    “… because only Obama when presented with the choice, “Should we go ahead and get bin Laden?” was bold enough to say, “Yeah, I guess so.””
    … except it was more like “Let me get back to you tomorrow.”


  25. CaptMidnight says:

    @ ussjimmycarter: You didn’t click on Peregrine John’s link above?

  26. STONE BUDDHA says:

    There are only three things that Obama has accomplished.

    Firstly, I don’t think Obama deserves much credit for the Osama eradication. Neither do the Navy SEALs. covers another aspect of it, while Romney said “Even Jimmy Carter would have done it.”

    Another accomplishment of Obama is his continuation of Bush’s policies in the terrorist campaign.

    His last accomplishment is the fact that due to the lousy economy there are more people LEAVING the country than are immigrating (both legally and illegally). But I don’t think you will hear him claiming either of those as they don’t ‘play to the base’.

    Everything else appears to be ineffective, unconstitutional or illegal.

  27. Burmashave says:

    Well, forward. No destination. Forward only specifies movement in the direction one is facing. Our majestic leader demonstrates how, when lost, it is quite possible to keep moving forward, and even be proud of it.

  28. Burmashave says:

    Sunny is delightfully loony.

  29. Jimmy says:

    *** Breaking News ***

    This just in!!

    Obama not only eats dog…

    He shiii shiiii shiiii

    oh sheiiza…..

  30. IMAO » Blog Archive » Forward His Mail links:

    […] Praise! to Patrick who suggested Frank’s comment on Obama’s new motto would look good on a bumper […]

  31. 4of7 says:

    Frank, the link at “once saved a dog’s life” just goes to an article about Navy Seals being annoyed at o for hogging all the credit for them air-conditioning Osama’s skull.
    So I looked it up for myself.
    Here ya go.

  32. Harvey says:

    4of7 – Link fixed. High Praise! for the assist.

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