Link of the Day: FINALLY! The Complete List of Obama’s Accomplishments

[High Praise! to Travelwise42]

Obama’s Rather Impressive List Of “Accomplishments”

Including:

First President to apply for college aid as a foreign student, then deny he was a foreigner.
First President to have a social security number from a state he has never lived in.
First President to preside over a cut to the credit-rating of the United States.
First President to violate the War Powers Act.
First President to be held in contempt of court for illegally obstructing oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico.

LOTS more at the link.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Choom Gang: The Taiwanese Animated Video

[High Praise! to Grouchy Old Cripple]


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #2,049)

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Feds Bust on Cute Coffee Girls – 10 More Possible Targets

[High Praise! to Seanmahair]

They’re from the government, and they’re here to help you.

The EEOC is investigating Marylou’s, a Massachusetts coffee house chain, for hiring only cute young ladies as waitresses and dressing them up in tight pink halter tops.

Nobody complained, you understand, it’s just that some jack-booted EEOC thug saw one of their commercials featuring the aforementioned attractive waitresses, and decided that being both perky and female on film was a crime that needed snooping into.

So who’s next on the list?

I speculate thusly:
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“I’m making this white guy head of the CFPB instead of this woman of color.”

1) Wal-Mart – Their logo features a yellow smiley face. Where are the red, white, black, and brown smiley faces?

2) Chippendale’s has yet to hire a dancer in a wheelchair.

3) The Mafia routinely file-13’s applications from anyone with blond hair, an unbroken nose, and a last name that doesn’t end with a vowel.

4) Ever notice that reality-TV talent shows only let you be “the cranky judge” if you’ve got a British accent?

5) I dare you to list all the armless professional soccer players. You’d think they’d be scooping them up by the bushel.

6) “The View” hasn’t offered Justin Bieber a job yet, and he’s 10 times the woman Joy Behar is.

7) Peter Dinklage? The Lakers won’t touch him, even though he’s impossible to guard. WHOOP! Right between your legs!

8) Speaking of basketball, LeBron still hasn’t heard back on that jockey gig. Is it because he’s black?

9) Remember when Bill Clinton went 8 years without hiring a single skinny intern? Not a peep from his EEOC.

10) I also heard about a cheese shop once that didn’t actually have any cheese, but I think that was in England, so having a bouzouki player apparently counted toward that hiring quota. Odd folk, the English.
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Of course, at IMAO, we have a strict “No Irish” policy, but that’s not discrimination, that’s just plain common sense.

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Wisdom of the Day: Goodbye, Detroit

From Fred Thompson:

Population plummeting, Detroit to turn off half of streetlights to save money. Last one out of Detroit, please get the rest of ’em.

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Nuke the News: Barack Cheney

* Obama won’t waterboard people. He’ll just put them on kill lists. Isn’t this actually very reassuring? Despite all his unicorns and rainbow rhetoric, Obama is apparently very ruthless on the military side with his drone strikes where he doesn’t really care about collateral damage (any male who is military-aged is assumed to be a combatant unless proven otherwise) and his keeping rendition. He’s like Cheney… if Cheney were more effete and petulant. Still, some Cheney is better than no Cheney.

* Jay Carney tried to explain what’s the difference between what Bain Capital did and what Obama did with Solyndra. Of course, the difference is that with Obama’s green investment, he’s just risking our money, not his own, so he doesn’t care that much about making sure they’re good investments. But Carney gave the best answer he could: He stammered incomprehensibly for a minute. In fact, incomprehensible stammering is probably the best explanation for all of Obama’s policies. Maybe he can even make it a slogan.

“Obama 2012: Because [unintelligible]”

* Romney has now officially cinched the GOP nomination. So if you were one of those silly people still holding out hope for someone else, you can stop now. But it could be worse. I mean, he’s no McCain. Unlike him, Romney seems to really want to be president, so we can expect some fight out of him. And if he fails to defeat Obama, we shall banish him from this land to never be seen again.

* You know Robert Mugabe, murderous dictator? The U.N. has released a statement about him: He’s a leader for tourism!

Ah, the U.N. is so useful and totally not an affront to human decency.

That was sarcasm.

But think of it this way: The more time murderous dictatorships spend working on U.N. silliness, the less people they’re murdering.

The U.N.: We keep murderous dictators busy with useless crap.

* According to a Gallup poll, U.S. adults estimate that about 25% of the population is gay. The actual number is probably around 3%, so why do people think the numbers are so high? Is thinking everyone around you it totally gay a tolerance thing or the opposite? I blame the influence of Obama. We really need to toughen up as a country, because apparently we’re looking pretty gay.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

* There is now a Lunar X prize for landing an unmanned vehicle on the moon. There are also bonus prizes for doing things such as photographing the original Apollo landing sites. I don’t know what kind of bonus you get for exploding a nuke on the moon such that it’s visible from earth, but I’m looking into it and will soon start talking to investors.

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Random Thoughts: Just Like Hitler

As the number of comparisons to Hitler increase, probability of someone bringing up Godwin’s Law approaches 1.

“If you’re just going to bring up ‘Nazis’ and ‘Hitler’ in every argument, I’m not even going to take you seriously.” -Adolph Hitler

I’m some sort of smart genius.

If I had billions in Facebook stock, I’d be so sad right now.

MILITARY: “Drones took out Megan Fox, Kate Upton, and Christina Hendricks.”
OBAMA: “That was not my kill list!”

Mitt Romney really wants to be president. I really want Obama not to be president. Seems like we can form an alliance.

Well, honestly, I’ll probably sell more copies of my book if Obama is reelected. It won’t be horrible for me either way.

Are the Polish going to apologize to Obama for murdering people in their death camps?

I’m going to act like a champion of the common man until my membership in the elite is approved.

Did you know that RINOs get invited to cocktail parties? And the drinks there are FREE!

Real Talk: It’s a stupid social site we could all live without. In no version of reality is it worth 80 kajillion dollars.

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Michelle Obama: Boob Belt Fever

[High Praise! to Michelle Obama’s Mirror]


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #3,916)

Just thought #5 from this post could use a reference link.

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UPDATE: Linked by Top Conservative Blogs.

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And the Award for Most Inappropriate Use of a Superhero Goes to…

The guy who thought this was a good idea:

Yeah, it’s an Iron Man scooter.

Part of my soul just died.

[High Praise! to Technabob]

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Link of the Day: If Top Gun Were About Mathematicians Instead of Fighter Pilots

I don’t remember the last time I saw something this nerdy. If your sense of humor runs that direction, you’ll love this cartoon from Abstruse Goose [NOTE: contains a swear that was in the movie “Top Gun”]:

Top Wrangler

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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10 Unbelievable Surprises in Michelle Obama’s New Book

Wow.

USA Today just ran the world’s puffiest puff piece on Michelle Obama, the excuse being the book “she wrote” a book about the White House garden.

I, for one, can’t wait to get my hands on this epic tome, as it’s sure to be the greatest thing penned by a Democrat since “Pow Wow Chow.”

Wonder what’s in there?

I speculate thusly:
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Meet the Mother of the Children of the Corn!

1) Turns out all the recipes in it were plagiarized from Julia.

2) Barack’s nickname for Michelle’s little field is the “Greyhound Garnish Garden.”

3) Michelle’s garden contains Swiss chard, sea kale, Early Jersey Wakefield cabbage, four kinds of garlic, and a patch of blueberries. It’s also 1/32 Indian Corn. Plus a little choom in the corner.

4) Every child who worked in the Michelle’s garden was rewarded with a free trip to Vail. Just kidding. That’s only Michelle’s kids.

5) At harvest time, the sound of the kids singing “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” can be heard for miles. Those not singing loud enough feel the sting of Michelle’s boob-belt.

6) To keep pesky critters away from the veggies, an audio system plays an endless loop of Joe Biden’s speeches. BOOM! They’re out cold & snoring in 15 seconds.

7) Michelle Obama’s 22 paid staff members work hard to make the garden a success. Do you know how tough it is finding places that sell $6000 gardening gloves and gold-plated shovels?

8) The harvested vegetables are carried into the White House kitchen using baskets hand-woven by re-trained former Solyndra employees. Stimulus creates or saves again!

9) To keep the Secret Service agents from nodding off while listening to old Biden speeches, alertness is encouraged by dressing the scarecrows as Colombian hookers.

10) MSNBC’s Chris Hayes is quoted as saying that he would be completely comfortable calling any large sandwich made with a long, crusty roll split lengthwise and containing White-House-grown vegetables a “hero.”
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There’s also probably something in there about an extra tax on the 1% of the vegetables the grew the largest, since at a certain point, you’ve absorbed enough of the soil’s nutrients.

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