Happy Birthday to Me: Remembrance of My Life

Posted on June 4, 2012 1:00 pm

So, today is my 33rd birthday. Wow, thirty-three years is kind of a long time. Back when I was born, Carter was president and people thought it was the worst time ever because no one had heard of Obama yet. But by the time I was old enough to know what a president was, Ronald Reagan was in charge. I even remember seeing him on the TV, warning us all that the Commies were trying to parachute troops into the Midwest so keep watching the skies. He’d end every speech with, “Remember: If you see a Commie, kill a Commie.” Everyday we’d turn on the TV to see the news (people watched news on the TV back then), and along with the weather forecast we’d get chance of there being an invasion (“40% chance of Commies today, so be on the alert.”). And if we saw anything up in the sky, we’d run out and start shooting at it; the last thing you’d ever want was Commies to successfully touch ground in the Midwest because it’s a big place and it would take forever to find them. I think a few of them that did make are still there, probably as college professors.

It sucks to think that Buttercup’s first memories of a president will be of either Obama or Romney. It will be up to me to warn her to shoot at things in the sky that might be Commies. And I will tell her of great fearsome things of the past that are now long gone, like the Tyrannosaurus rex and Ronald Reagan.

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18 Responses to “Happy Birthday to Me: Remembrance of My Life”

  1. plentyobailouts says:

    Bad things that happened in 1978: carter was occupying the white house and giving Americans to the iranians to use as hostages, The department of energy was debating how to get gasl from 38 cents a gallon to five dollars, barry obama was smoking dope and admiring what a great guys carter and stalin were, shrill and bill were trading cigars. Harvey was applying for social security and someone thought cats made good pets.

    Why kids today have it easy: In 1978 we had to GO to the library to do research. We had to listen to disco. michael jackson was still alive and being paid millions for his screeching. No internet adult entertainment. No internet. In 1978 the “iPod” weighed 20 pounds and was the size of a refrigerator. carter is no longer president, however, his protoge barry is.

    Well Happy birthday Frank.

  2. MarkoMancuso says:

    Don’t change nothin’ about yourself, Frank. Happy Birthday.

  3. DamnCat says:

    33? If you were a cat you’d be ancient. Like the Methuselah of cats.

    I hope that makes you feel a little better about the sad fact that you are not a cat.
    Happy Birthday!!!!

  4. Jimmy says:

    33? Not a prime number but you are in the prime of your life, Frank. Trust me on this.

    Very soon, the Levi’s won’t fit the way they used to (wait – you don’t wear Levi’s? As a 70’s baby? Hmm.) Your joints and muscles will give you the first twinges that you’re not in the same shape you were in during your teens and 20’s, and your brain will go to hell. At that point, you actually will need us, Frank, particularly us wise, old warriors who have been there, done that and can’t remember.

    SarahK, you need to give him 33 spanks and a pinch to not grow an inch around the middle!

    And tell him we all love him here. (I can’t because wise old guys don’t tell that to youngsters.)

  5. tomg51 says:

    It’s important to latch onto something really bad. That way, when things get bad, you can say, Heh, that’s nothing compared to…

    Take my 3rd grade – Kennedy was shot, and my 3rd grade teacher (whom the guys all loved – straight out of college!) didn’t make it to school one day because her yellow VW had been torched in the race riots. A truly bad year.
    And then there was 68/69 – plenty of signs of the apocalypse right about then,
    and so on.

    Happy Birthday!
    Heck, its got to be better than……

  6. Steve H says:

    Hey Jimmy – Your joints and muscles will give you the first twinges that you’re not in the same shape you were in during your teens and 20′s, and your brain will go to hell.

    All that stuff happens from Fatherhood, not aging. Frank doesn’t have to worry about – oh wait, nevermind.

  7. Harvey says:

    tomg51 – I just realized… Frank has no memory of either John Lennon or Ronald Reagan getting shot.

    He might remember the Challenger explosion, Oklahoma City bombing & the OJ verdict.

  8. Frank J. says:


    I was six when the Challenger exploded. I would think I would remember it, but I don’t. But I was following politics from the beginning of the Clinton administration onward. Are you kidding about the OJ Verdict? I still remember the collective groan my high school made when it was announced. I was in Chemistry class during my senior year of high school; that’s one of those things you remember.

  9. Mr. Right says:

    Happy Birthday, Frank!

  10. Son of Bob says:

    Thirty-three? Isn’t that the age that your parents decided would be the perfect time to tell you you’re adopte…umm…oops…forget that…umm, if your parents say they need to talk about something sometime soon, I have no idea what it is. Happy Birthday!

  11. zzyzx says:

    When I was in Viet Nam there was a local beer called Ba Moui Ba, (Vietnamese for Thirty Three) or ’33’ Beer. Us GI’s of course corrupted that pronunciation into bomb-ni-bomb. Bomb-ni-bomb tasted bad and was full of formaldehyde…but we drank it anyway because as bad as it was it wasn’t as bad as Carling Black Label which was the worse beer in the ‘Nam. Plus it had one other redeeming factor…it came in a bottle. Anyway happy 33rd birthday…….z

  12. Basil says:

    Happy birthday to my son’s fiancé!

    Oh, and to Frank J., too.

  13. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    The best to you on this, your day. One where you are a step closer to grey hair, tinnitus, and getting fitted for bridgework

    it’s scary to think that this young whippersnapper may view the work of The Ramones, Black Flag and The Sex Pistols in the same light as that of Rudy Vallee.

    (In scratchy, old-man voice) “Come, set by the hearth, young son, an’ let gran’da tell you tales of the long-forgotten Johnny Rotten…”

  14. 4of7 says:

    33 was the year I first noticed that my hair was turning gray.
    Not along the temples, oh no, it started in a patch in the front left quadrant, so it looked liked I’d accidentally bumped into a freshly painted wall.
    I fought back with Grecian Formula for a few years but then said “Scr*w it” and grew a mustache instead. (which also turned gray.)

  15. MarkoMancuso says:

    zzyzx, I had no idea you were over in that hellhole. Thanks for everything, my friend.

  16. connie says:

    Happy Birthday, Frank J.

  17. zzyzx says:

    Thank you Marco, I most assuredly appreciate that……z

  18. Iowa Jim says:

    Hope that you had a great birthday, Frank!

    Sorry about Jimmy Carter. I had it good. Harry Truman was President when I was born. Then Eisenhower was President until I was eight and a half.
    Good times!

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