So Romney is now beating Obama in fundraising. How? Well, I know some of his current fundraising methods.
MITT ROMNEY FUNDRAISING METHODS
* There’s a contest to win $1,000,000 by mussing up Romney’s hair, but it’s a $100 a try and so far no one has succeeded.
* He raises extra money transporting people’s pets.
* He’s a surprisingly stealthy pickpocket.
* If people pay big money to go to one of his dinners, he guarantees that Sarah Jessica Parker, Anna Wintour, and Michelle Obama will not be there.
* He keeps asking Joe Biden to give him two tens for a five.
* He offers a barber service. Sometimes he does it without asking, but still charges.
* Newt Gingrich pays him a thousand dollars a day to be his friend.
* He buys up less successful campaigns and then fires the staff and sells all their assets.
* He’s vowed to get Obama out of office, and people really like that and want to pay big money for that.
He got money from me for that last one. He might get more.
* He runs against Obama
He’s making a point of not meeting with 25 of Hollywood’s young stars. http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/obama-jessica-alba-dianna-agron-private-breakfast-334820
* He shows films of him punching hippies in high school
* He shows films of him not eating dogs
* He calls howard dean and dennis kuchinache and pretends to be from Mars
* He sells jojo biden the Brooklyn bridge twice a week
* He smuggles Frais Gras into scumfransicko obumma fund raisers
* He threatens to lose to the occupant
Arggg moderated again! Was it something I said?
* 3-Card Monte in the White House Press Room.
* Checks the couch cushions the morning after he has coctail parties.
* Has only basic cable.
* Responds to all those emails from that Nigerian banker.
You must use a substitute letter in the word ‘scúm,’ plentyofbailouts.