Skydiver “Fearless Felix” Baumgartner set a new personal record by jumping from 18 miles above the earth.

Ya know, you don’t normally see that kind of plunge outside of the stock market after an Obama speech.

A new survey shows that 58% of Americans think that rich people in the US deserve their wealth.

The other 42% apparently think they deserve the shaft.

[High Praise! to Call Me Stormy]

I don’t have kids, so I don’t know what they’re teaching in public schools these days, but I bet this gets shown as “a documentary.”

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #80,673)

Well, maybe not. No “persons of color” in it.

A Tennessee man admitted that he served as a lookout man during a robbery of a pizza delivery guy in return for three slices of pizza.

And people say there are no jobs in Obama’s economy.

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Obama’s redecorating the White House…”

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

[High Praise! to The Looking Spoon]

The Attention Whores At Newsweek Are Calling Romney A Wimp. Projection Much?

I assume you’ve seen the newest Newsweek cover:

Yeah… not lost on me is how the first five words on the cover are “What triggers mass murderers Romney”.

Anyway, at the link above, The Looking Spoon puts Obama and appropriate headlines on Newsweek’s cover several times over.

I guarantee you will LOVE these. And for once, that is actually a guarantee.

BONUS OBAMA WIMP LINKS:

Ace of Spades HQ

Triangle

[Think you have a link that's IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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UPDATE: TiminAL [High Praise!] suggests this as photographic evidence of Obama being wimpy (scroll down to bottom picture)

From Kevin Eder:

Sometimes I just want to ask leftists to show me where on the doll Israel touched them.

From john freiler:

apparently you are not allowed inside macy’s if you are wearing night-vision goggles

From Danny Zuker:

“Based on the people I’ve met here today I believe it would take no more than TWO of you to change a lightbulb.” -Romney in Poland

From Michael Kupperman:

Miley Cyrus is considering moving to Europe and changing her name to Kilometery Cyrus.

Submit entries to lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ‘em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

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From Irritable Pundit:

From Kris:

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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From
Arik:

[reference link]

From Arik:

From Arik:

[reference link]

From Arik:

From Arik:

From Bad Science:

[reference link]

From Hadsil:

From Hunter:

From Weed:

From Hunter:

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This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

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I’ll go with Irritable Pundit, who claims there’s a Blazing Saddles reference somewhere in his pic.

What say you?

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PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

So it’s been demonstrated that a working receiver for an AR-15 can be made using a 3D printer. Since anyone with access to a 3D printer (which, like all technologies, it getting better and cheaper) can make a gun, how do gun absolutists expect to keep guns away from criminals? Ban 3D printers too? Or maybe just put a big sticker on them:

PLEASE DON’T USE TO PRINT GUNS

A new study shows there were almost 1000 reports of UFOs in Canada last year.

Not nearly as many here in the US. If we see lights in the sky, we just assume it’s Obama jetting off to another fundraiser.

The Democrats are going to reportedly add gay marriage to their party platform. But that’s not the only new addition. Here are some others:

NEW ADDITIONS TO THE DEMOCRAT PARTY PLATFORM

* Foodstamps are way better than jobs.

* The part about free exercise of religion in the First Amendment should be replaced with free contraception.

* It is wrong to be rich unless you’re a rich person who constantly goes on about how wrong being rich is.

* If your skin color is past a certain shade of brown, it should be illegal to vote Republican.

* The deficit is an imaginary concept and should be ignored.

* We need to take those arrogant business creators who think they built stuff down a peg or two.

* Obamacare is so great there’s no reason to ever mention it again.

* Budgets are fascist.

* 8% unemployment is really good and whoever claims it’s ever been lower is a liar.

* We’re only a few more taxes on the rich away from a booming economy.

* We love those… um… automated bullet firing devices — what are they called? Oh yeah: guns. So stop saying we want to take them away.

* Eating a dog doesn’t make you a sociopath.

* Gay divorce.

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said…

In my new PJ Media column, I make the obvious point: Shouldn’t we subject presidential candidates to enhanced interrogation techniques to get the truth out of them?

A dishonest man who deals in half-truths and whose true plans and motivations aren’t known is about to get his hands on nuclear weapons. I’m speaking, of course, of the scenario for every U.S. presidential election for the past several decades.

So what questions would you have the CIA force the presidential candidates to answer?

I’ve done some major updates to the IMAO blogroll, and added a bunch of folks who either have earned, or are quite likely to earn at some point, High Praise! for content I’ve linked, quoted, or stolen.

Look to the left, and surf to your heart’s content.

If you think I’ve overlooked someone awesome, PLEASE pimp either them or yourselves in the comments. Being shy about pimping is a capital offense and is punishable by either death or an iPod full of Obama speeches, at my discretion.

NOTE: Blogs that make it onto the IMAO blogroll are predominantly there for their ENTERTAINMENT value (or potential thereof), not their informational value. If a blog just re-posts the Drudge headline list without witty commentary, I’ve got no use for it. Those sites are a dime a dozen. There’s the possibility for exceptions, of course, but don’t hold your breath.

When you can print out a gun, it does seem like it’s going to be hard for any country to regulate them.

Can imagine the dramatic scene in a future movie where zombies are breaking into an office while they’re waiting for the shotgun to print.

The third hobbit movie will be all about smoking pipe weed while on a quest through Mordor to White Castle.

The third hobbit movie will just be a more modern update of Willow.

RE: Bill Clinton at the convention – Is it a good idea to remind people what a marginally competent Democrat looks like?

So do you think Obama’s movement of chastising arrogant business creators is going to take him all the way to November?

Democrat platform reportedly to include gay marriage and taking down those arrogant business creators a peg or two.

“I’ll swallow your soul!” -Bob Dylan

Like anyone can understand what Bob Dylan says to quote him.

“Stop the presses!”
“You have a breaking story?”
“No, we just can’t afford running them anymore.” -Newsweek in a week or two.

If Mayor Bloomberg is discouraging formula since it’s bad for babies, can he do the same for abortion?

“We really need to work on our ironic viewership. So here’s my idea: synchronized diving.” -Olympics meeting years ago

If the wars of the future involve lots of diving from stuff, there’s no way we’ll match the skill of China.

I hope NBC has a coconut sound effect ready for if the divers ever bonk heads midair in synchronized diving.

Everyone at the Olympics gets a participation gold medal.

We really need a paintball Olympics event. Give our military a chance to win some gold medals.

Another great Olympic event idea: Mario Kart.

Mayor Bloomberg is pushing New York City hospitals to hide baby formula so more new moms will breast-feed.

No word on whether this crusade will involve any cup-size limitations.

[via Winning at Everything]

New rule – committees that design Olympic mascots must be familiar with American pop culture.

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #23,674)

I heartily endorse most of the solutions in this video, including the incidental hippie-punching.

A quote from America’s 3rd President:

A strong body makes the mind strong. As to the species of exercise, I advise the gun. While this gives a moderate exercise to the body, it gives boldness, enterprize, and independance to the mind. Games played with the ball and others of that nature, are too violent for the body and stamp no character on the mind. Let your gun therefore be the constant companion of your walks.

I’m assuming he was referring to soccer in the penultimate line.

All the hard work & political capital the Missouri Senator blew pimping Obama’s legislative brain-children, and this is what she gets in return.

Gotta say, my schadenfreude meter is right around 110% right now. I am LOVING this:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #8,830)