Straight Line of the Day: At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama Said…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said…
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July 31st, 2012 at 12:08 pm
“Who wants to start the meeting with any problems we have to blame Bush for this week?”
July 31st, 2012 at 12:09 pm
We will start the meeting, as usual, by having Eric Holder pardon us all.”
July 31st, 2012 at 12:12 pm
“I know it’s harder to conduct the meeting with everyone on the same side of the table, but it’s the only way we can all face Mecca”
July 31st, 2012 at 12:15 pm
“Let me be clear.” Then he was silent the rest of the meeting.
July 31st, 2012 at 12:18 pm
At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said… “Intercepted!!”
July 31st, 2012 at 12:19 pm
At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said… whatever was on the teleprompter.
July 31st, 2012 at 12:20 pm
“I’m sick and tired of you bitter, white, staff people bad-mouthing me and the Olympics on Twitter.”
July 31st, 2012 at 12:25 pm
At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said… “Where can we send Moochelle next?”
July 31st, 2012 at 12:27 pm
At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said… “We are not starting this meeting until I get my Sith Lord on the speakerphone.”
July 31st, 2012 at 12:29 pm
“Hey, the trail of doughnuts ended…. oh crap! A meeting!”
July 31st, 2012 at 12:36 pm
“Duck…. duck….. duck….. goose!”
July 31st, 2012 at 12:36 pm
…whatever Valerie Jarrett approved for him to say that day.
July 31st, 2012 at 12:38 pm
“What’s the next step in changing the greatest nation in the world?”
July 31st, 2012 at 12:38 pm
“That was some good barbecue dog in the White House cafeteria today!”
July 31st, 2012 at 12:39 pm
…if you’ll all kneel on the floor facing Mecca we can get started.
July 31st, 2012 at 12:47 pm
. . . um, do I know any of you people?
July 31st, 2012 at 12:48 pm
Who’s got Tic-Tacs? Can’t get that taste outta’ my mouth.
July 31st, 2012 at 12:49 pm
Well the bad news is that the rooms IQ level did not go down when Biden went to go peepee.
Ohhhh, this is embarrassing, but I glanced in the mirror and man, I was glad to see me.
July 31st, 2012 at 12:53 pm
“Hey, look at all the white folks here. What time is the cross burning? Kidding…I’m a kidder.”
July 31st, 2012 at 12:54 pm
Nothing you fool he is never there, going to staff meetings would cut into golf time.
July 31st, 2012 at 12:55 pm
At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said…if I lose re-election in November, I’m taking all these crackers down by Kwaanza! Wait, did I say that, or just think it?
July 31st, 2012 at 12:59 pm
“Hey, Salazar…are you ABSOLUTELY sure that you can’t get me better tee times ??”
July 31st, 2012 at 1:00 pm
“BINGO!”
July 31st, 2012 at 1:01 pm
“You may be wondering why I called you all here today. Michelle will be here in just a minute to tell me.”
July 31st, 2012 at 1:03 pm
“What? Me, worry?”
July 31st, 2012 at 1:04 pm
Are you guys here for the free golf too???
July 31st, 2012 at 1:04 pm
“I’ll bet I’ve got the biggest staff in this room Heh Heh Heh”
July 31st, 2012 at 1:06 pm
“Look, I know we are trying to promote a pet friendly atmosphere which appeals to our animal lover constituency, but the Staff Meeting is no place to bring your dog, especially one as shaggy as that one over there………..oh, sorry sweetie…”
July 31st, 2012 at 1:10 pm
…I didn’t get a hurrumph outta that guy!
July 31st, 2012 at 1:12 pm
“This election’s going in the crapper. Who has a suggestion on how to fix it? Okay, for Christ sakes, Joe, go ahead and go. Just wow. Now where were we? … In the crapper. Right…”
July 31st, 2012 at 1:18 pm
“What’s this staff doing here? Oh, it’s the flag pole. Meant to get rid of that.”
July 31st, 2012 at 1:20 pm
At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said…
Can you guys hear me OK? I’m on the back nine and the reception ain’t so good out here. If the call drops just keep going without me and I’ll get Biden to fill me in when I get back to the Club H…. i mean White House.
July 31st, 2012 at 1:20 pm
“…okay, quick question…does this uniform make me look more Idi Amin, Papa Doc, or Benito Mussolini? Maybe I should just go for the Castro look in my second term?”
July 31st, 2012 at 1:36 pm
“then they will say, ‘never have so many, gone so broke, so quickly.’”
July 31st, 2012 at 1:41 pm
…Anyone?…Bueller?
July 31st, 2012 at 2:45 pm
“As soon as the computer boots up, we can get started. …Which key is the ‘any’ key?”
“Anyone else a little uncomfortable that a bunch of old guys got together and now gay marriage is now a part of our platform?”
“What number comes after a trillion and how can we spend that in the next six months?”
“Guys, we need to talk about the fridge in the break room. Joe told me someone stole his drink and I myself had a cocker spaniel in there this morning, which is now gone.”
“So I finally got around to seeing National Treasure yesterday. I don’t get what all the fuss was over that wrinkly old piece of paper. No one liked my writing that much and it’s so big you could use it for skeet-shooting.”
Barack Obama: “Did you guys know the Olympics have shooting sports?! I almost wet myself when that rifle went off! Guns are scary.”
Michell Obama: “[snicker] ‘almost’ [snicker]”
July 31st, 2012 at 2:47 pm
…I thought we could begin the meeting with a prayer…Ha, got ya!
July 31st, 2012 at 2:58 pm
“Now we’ll have folks going around the room collecting donations. Please be as generous as you can…wait, no…sorry, guys…force of habit.”
July 31st, 2012 at 3:16 pm
“Hey guys, long time no see. I just popped in to say I’m off on yet another vacation, so just continue doing what you usually do when I’m not here… You guys are great!” (gives thumbs up)
July 31st, 2012 at 3:17 pm
…let’s start the meeting with everyone taking turns standing up and saying a little about me.
July 31st, 2012 at 3:18 pm
At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said… you gonna finish that dog?
At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said…did anyone get harry house trained yet?
At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said…I want everyone to say my name. Dang I like hearing my name.
July 31st, 2012 at 3:22 pm
…I’m the President! It’s up to me to make the difficult decisions. I say pepperoni, black olives, and extra cheese.
July 31st, 2012 at 3:23 pm
At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said… All of you showed proper identification didn’t you?
July 31st, 2012 at 3:34 pm
At a White House staff meeting, Obama said…”If Iran goes after Israel, the president has to decide on the proper response. Where’s Valerie?”
July 31st, 2012 at 3:38 pm
At a White House staff meeting, Obama said, “We’ve got to strategize for after the election. What comes after a trillion?”
July 31st, 2012 at 3:47 pm
At a White house staff meeting, Obama said, “Michelle is missing her Nimbus 2000 broom…anyone seen it?”
July 31st, 2012 at 3:48 pm
At a White House staff meeting, Obama said, “Tell Rahm we’ll get back with him, then shut the door and pull the drapes. Joe just came up the back steps with the Chick-fil-a.”
July 31st, 2012 at 4:07 pm
…oh wait. We thought we had a quote from the staff meeting, but he’s already walking it back.
July 31st, 2012 at 5:04 pm
“What should we call Romney today? Oh, I know: ‘Felon.’”
July 31st, 2012 at 5:05 pm
“Mr. President, Mitt Romney plans to announce his VP pick by smartphone!”
“Nooooooooooooooooo!”
July 31st, 2012 at 5:34 pm
At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said………….Michele’s in London. Let’s go out for burgers and fries. Shot gun!
July 31st, 2012 at 6:07 pm
At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama
said… Sunni on the left, Shiites on the right.
July 31st, 2012 at 8:51 pm
Fore!!
August 1st, 2012 at 12:03 am
“Who are you people and where are my Czars?!”
August 1st, 2012 at 1:32 am
Guys, I don’t have time for staff meetings when there’s fundraising to be done. If you want to keep meeting like this, it’s going to be $34,000 a plate.
August 1st, 2012 at 12:03 pm
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August 1st, 2012 at 6:17 pm
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