Archive for August, 2012

Not Obama’s Best Heckler Comeback Line

Friday, August 31, 2012 9:58 pm

After being heckled in Nevada, President Obama said “that young man probably needed a good teacher.”

No, I think after 4 years of Obama, he’s already learned his lesson.

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Video: The Best of Joe Biden

Friday, August 31, 2012 9:00 pm

[High Praise! to Ace of Spades HQ]

An awesome ad from American Crossroads:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #491,212)

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THIS Is What the 2012 Election is About

Friday, August 31, 2012 8:00 pm

[High Praise! to American Power and Cold Fury]
_______________

This conflict is in no way a bad thing; it is a necessary thing, a vital thing. The division we are seeing is the inevitable result of two incompatible belief systems rubbing against each other and striking sparks. Rancor fueled by molten passion in this case is a feature, not a bug.

Progressivism simply cannot be reconciled with an America whose people are citizens, not subjects. It is not compatible with individual liberty and unrestrained initiative. It is an ideology not of freedom, but of fetters. It is based not on self-determination, but on coercion and compliance. It is Obama, his halfwit lackey Biden, and their ideological confreres–not conservatives and libertarians–who seek to put us in chains.
_______________

The full post has adult language, but considering the topic, it doesn’t really seem out of place.

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You’ve Been Judged!

Friday, August 31, 2012 7:06 pm

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “The Secret Service’s code name for President Obama…“.

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Also, Keln’s picked the Punchline Nuker of the Week.

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If Any Other Candidate for Political Office Did This, He’d Look Like a Complete Idiot

Friday, August 31, 2012 7:00 pm

[High Praise! to DoublePlus Undead]

Paul Ryan, lookin’ badass.

Feel free to caption it in the comments if you’re of a mind to.

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Link of the Day: Obama’s Pink Panther Remake

Friday, August 31, 2012 6:08 pm

[High Praise! to Irritable Pundit]

The Pinko Panther

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Anniversary, Obama-style

Friday, August 31, 2012 5:32 pm

Missed in this whole thing where Obama had to change his plans because of a trip Mitt Romney made is this tidbit:

The president was en route Friday to Fort Bliss, Texas, where he planned to meet with military service members and their families on the two-year anniverary of his visit there to mark the end of the war in Iraq.

So, he’s planning a trip to mark the anniversary of a trip?

Not that he’s marking the anniversary of the declared end to the war. That was in October 2009. No, this is a trip marking the anniversary of a trip.

If only I could write parody that was as ridiculous as Obama’s reality.

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A Moment With Joe Biden: Saving the Auto Industry

Friday, August 31, 2012 4:00 pm

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden.

BIDEN: …and where were the Republicans when the auto industry was failing? Where were they? I’ll tell you where they were. They were busy looking out for their own self-interests, and not the interests of the American people. But, while they were out trying to make voters happy, only worried about their own re-election campaigns, Barack was doing the hard work. He was doing the work that needed to be done. And, it wasn’t popular. It wasn’t popular with voters. It wasn’t popular with most people. I don’t know anyone who thought it was a good idea. But Barack knew it had to be done. And he had the guts to step up to the plate and push through his final solution. And, he stepped in and saved the auto industry. There would be no Edsel today if it weren’t for the hard work of Barack Obama. There would be no Yugo. Just yesterday I had a phone call from my good friend John DeLorean in which he told me that, because of the gutsy efforts… that’s right gutsy… of Barack Obama, his company is putting thousands of people back to work making the only car in the world that allows it’s driver to travel into the future, right here in America. How about that?…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

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Romney Makes Obama Dance

Friday, August 31, 2012 2:52 pm

It looks like Mitt Romney pulled a fast one on the Obama campaign. He has decided to go straight on to Louisiana to meet Governor Bobby Jindal and check on the storm-damaged areas on the coast. When the Obama team heard this, they scrambled to change their plans and get Obama to Louisiana by Monday.

From the Daily Mail:

‘In light of the President’s travel to Louisiana to meet with local officials and view ongoing response and recovery efforts to Hurricane Isaac, President Obama will no longer travel to Cleveland, Ohio on Monday, September 3,’ the campaign said in a terse statement.

That’s right Mr. President. Your leisurley golf-course pace is over. You’re on Romney time now.

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Forget Romney, We Need This Guy

Friday, August 31, 2012 2:00 pm

[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]

Excerpt from: An interview with Stav Blackmane, conservative dark horse candidate for President of the United States.
_______________

2. What is your real opinion of Obama?

I believe him to be a sad, abandoned boy now trapped by time in manhood; who was deceived by those who claimed to love him: who had hatred of this country, of our society and our values, fed to him with his mother’s milk, except actually without the mother’s milk part: whose rage is now full-grown. I don’t think he is either stupid or incompetent – I think he’s malignant, and that the non-natural disasters that have befallen our country have not been the result of his policies’ failures, but rather of their successes. This is not “conspiracy talk” by the way; I’ll remind you of his “energy prices will necessarily skyrocket” quote as a perfect example. He’s a bitter narcissistic far-left radical, playing out his mommy and daddy issues on a stage writ large, who has been quite successful at achieving many of his goals.
_______________

Oh yeah… there’s more.

LOTS more…

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Where would you hide?

Friday, August 31, 2012 1:26 pm

The Secretary of State won’t be in Charlotte next week. That’s right, Hillary Clinton will skip the Democrat National Convention. Seems she has another meeting to go to. In The Cook Islands. That’s a 28-hour flight by commercial airliners.

Now, sure, she’s working. She’ll be meeting with some dignitaries from Volcanoland or something. And, it’s not like she didn’t attend this yearly conference last year … although she didn’t; she sent her chauffeur or somebody.

Bottom line is, she’s getting as far away from this year’s DNC as possible, possibly resting up for a run against President Romney in 2016.

And I’m not criticizing her. I’m not getting near Charlotte next week, either. Nothing against Charlotte, mind you. I personally wouldn’t mind being in Charlotte … if I could visit John Boy and Billy. But I can’t so I won’t.

Anyway, we know where Hillary’s gonna be: about as far away as possible without actually leaving the planet.

I wonder, though: where would be some good places for Democrats to go instead of Charlotte? Where are some good hiding places?

Suggestions?

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Even This Title is Racist!

Friday, August 31, 2012 12:27 pm

The “Chief Diversity Officer” of the U.S. State Department was so concerned about people saying racist things, that he felt it was his duty to find a way to connect just about every phrase in the American vernacular to how it might in fact be racist.

For example, “hold down the fort” is apparently racist towards Native Americans, because it has something to do with forts protecting people from them in the old days. And as we all know, there was no such thing as a fort prior to white Europeans building them in America to steal Indian lands.

So, what other words or phrases might we be using that could be racist?

Fellow nuker FormerHostage (High Praise!) got a head start on this in his comments today:

Skillet -> cast iron -> black -> RACIST!
Dinosaurs -> giant lizards -> rhymes with wizard -> Grand Wizard -> RACISTS!

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Straight Line of the Day: The Obama Campaign Picked Up a New Endorsement…

Friday, August 31, 2012 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The Obama campaign picked up a new endorsement…

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Still overpriced

Friday, August 31, 2012 10:02 am

The Dekalb County Georgia Democrats are giving away tickets to see Obama’s acceptance speech to bar patrons in Atlanta.

You got to get to Manuel’s Tavern, 602 North Highland Avenue Northeast in Atlanta by noon, so hurry.

So, to summarize: they have to give away tickets to hear Obama speak, and you gotta be drunk to accept them?

That actually makes sense. Maybe things will be okay after all.

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Romney Frightens Michael Moore

Friday, August 31, 2012 9:37 am

Recently in an interview, controversial film maker and big fat dummy Michael Moore predicted that Mitt Romney will win the election. He lamented the fact that young people aren’t excited about Obama any more like they were in 2008 and probably won’t get out of bed to vote. He also said something about Republicans riding dinosaurs, which gives them a clear advantage.

In other news, seismologists are using Science! to try and locate where on the planet Michael Moore is at any given moment, as this may be the key to predicting earthquakes.

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Bet Liberals Consider It an “Assault Weapon”

Friday, August 31, 2012 8:00 am

In Louisiana, a woman fended off a robber by hitting him with a skillet.

Beware of liberal over-reaction to this. If skillets are outlawed, only outlaws will be able to make you an omelet.

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Why you so stupid?

Friday, August 31, 2012 7:17 am

All you people that don’t think Barack Obama is awesome and wonderful and a gift sent down from Heaven are just too stupid to understand what he’s trying to do.

You know, as good a communicator as he is, it would still take Barack Obama six months to explain something to you. That’s what he told Time magazine.

The president says he also wants to do a better job of explaining to the public how his policies will help the economy grow. Obama claims he didn’t do a good enough job selling Americans on the stimulus plan and the auto company bailout because he was so focused on acting to fix the economy.

“[W]e were in the midst of a once-in-a-lifetime crisis, so we had to just do stuff fast. And sometimes it wasn’t popular,” Obama told Time. “And we didn’t have the luxury of six months to explain exactly what we were doing with the Recovery Act, which was basically a jobs act and making-sure-middle-class-families-didn’t-fall-into-poverty act.”

So, it’s your fault. If you weren’t so darn stupid, it wouldn’t take him six months to explain everything to you.

And, if you were just smart enough to understand what he was doing, it would have worked. So, but because you’re so stupid and didn’t understand what he was doing, all that money he pissed away didn’t help.

Try to not be so stupid.

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Disaster Contest…

Friday, August 31, 2012 12:31 am

Last week, I posted a photoshop I had made of a highway. You might have seen it…

It took a lot of work to create that. More than you want to know. Now I am challenging you to do as good… or better!

Lucky for you, I did the hard part already, and I’m sharing the template below.

Your task, replace the tornado with another apt disaster that looms ahead if we “KEEP LEFT” and keep going “Forward” instead of taking that last exit.

I already know some of the other ideas I had before deciding to go with the tornado, and I suspect some of you will come up with those. I’m also hoping to see some ideas I never even thought of.

As always, the winners get their work posted here and receive “HIGH PRAISE!”

If you’d like, you can post your entries on your own sites, I just ask that you link this post if you do.

The following instructions are cryptic to keep the spambots confused. If you cannot decipher the instructions, I do not want to receive your entry anyway!

Send your entries to me, Mr. Right, via the letter after “d” mail using this address with all of the stupid colons removed, no spaces or brackets, and the proper punctuation added…

write:the:right:place [a-in-a-circle-thingy] [the letter before h:mail] [period-thingy] [c:o:m]

I trust you can decode that okay? Good!

Please submit final versions as gif files, if at all possible, and try to keep the size at 960 x 720, just as the template is now. You can play with the highway signs and the foreground if you really want to, but you better come up with something good if you do!

Now, here’s the template I promised…

We’ll let the contest run until sometime on Labor Day afternoon before posting the worthy entries, and then the rest of the Moon-Nukers can decide whose is the most bacon-worthy. Let the apocalypse commence!

********************

UPDATE 9/3/12 2:15PM CDT

The winners have now been posted!

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Not Quite Time to Panic

Thursday, August 30, 2012 10:08 pm

The auto-scheduling feature at IMAO is on the fritz right now, so posts might show up late now & then until Basil figures out how much bacon he needs to sacrifice to the computer gods.

So far, he’s killed enough pigs on this project to take Carrie to the prom, but he’s not a quitter.

Hang tough, Nukers.

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I Think They Found the Right Man for This Job

Thursday, August 30, 2012 10:00 pm

A newly discovered memo shows that the Justice Department has been directed to hire people with “intellectual disabilities”.

You’d think Eric Holder would be enough to fill their quota.

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