Not Obama’s Best Heckler Comeback Line

After being heckled in Nevada, President Obama said “that young man probably needed a good teacher.”

No, I think after 4 years of Obama, he’s already learned his lesson.

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Video: The Best of Joe Biden

[High Praise! to Ace of Spades HQ]

An awesome ad from American Crossroads:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #491,212)

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THIS Is What the 2012 Election is About

[High Praise! to American Power and Cold Fury]
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This conflict is in no way a bad thing; it is a necessary thing, a vital thing. The division we are seeing is the inevitable result of two incompatible belief systems rubbing against each other and striking sparks. Rancor fueled by molten passion in this case is a feature, not a bug.

Progressivism simply cannot be reconciled with an America whose people are citizens, not subjects. It is not compatible with individual liberty and unrestrained initiative. It is an ideology not of freedom, but of fetters. It is based not on self-determination, but on coercion and compliance. It is Obama, his halfwit lackey Biden, and their ideological confreres–not conservatives and libertarians–who seek to put us in chains.
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The full post has adult language, but considering the topic, it doesn’t really seem out of place.

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You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “The Secret Service’s code name for President Obama…“.

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Also, Keln’s picked the Punchline Nuker of the Week.

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If Any Other Candidate for Political Office Did This, He’d Look Like a Complete Idiot

[High Praise! to DoublePlus Undead]

Paul Ryan, lookin’ badass.

Feel free to caption it in the comments if you’re of a mind to.

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Link of the Day: Obama’s Pink Panther Remake

[High Praise! to Irritable Pundit]

The Pinko Panther

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Anniversary, Obama-style

Missed in this whole thing where Obama had to change his plans because of a trip Mitt Romney made is this tidbit:

The president was en route Friday to Fort Bliss, Texas, where he planned to meet with military service members and their families on the two-year anniverary of his visit there to mark the end of the war in Iraq.

So, he’s planning a trip to mark the anniversary of a trip?

Not that he’s marking the anniversary of the declared end to the war. That was in October 2009. No, this is a trip marking the anniversary of a trip.

If only I could write parody that was as ridiculous as Obama’s reality.

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A Moment With Joe Biden: Saving the Auto Industry

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden.

BIDEN: …and where were the Republicans when the auto industry was failing? Where were they? I’ll tell you where they were. They were busy looking out for their own self-interests, and not the interests of the American people. But, while they were out trying to make voters happy, only worried about their own re-election campaigns, Barack was doing the hard work. He was doing the work that needed to be done. And, it wasn’t popular. It wasn’t popular with voters. It wasn’t popular with most people. I don’t know anyone who thought it was a good idea. But Barack knew it had to be done. And he had the guts to step up to the plate and push through his final solution. And, he stepped in and saved the auto industry. There would be no Edsel today if it weren’t for the hard work of Barack Obama. There would be no Yugo. Just yesterday I had a phone call from my good friend John DeLorean in which he told me that, because of the gutsy efforts… that’s right gutsy… of Barack Obama, his company is putting thousands of people back to work making the only car in the world that allows it’s driver to travel into the future, right here in America. How about that?…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

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Romney Makes Obama Dance

It looks like Mitt Romney pulled a fast one on the Obama campaign. He has decided to go straight on to Louisiana to meet Governor Bobby Jindal and check on the storm-damaged areas on the coast. When the Obama team heard this, they scrambled to change their plans and get Obama to Louisiana by Monday.

From the Daily Mail:

‘In light of the President’s travel to Louisiana to meet with local officials and view ongoing response and recovery efforts to Hurricane Isaac, President Obama will no longer travel to Cleveland, Ohio on Monday, September 3,’ the campaign said in a terse statement.

That’s right Mr. President. Your leisurley golf-course pace is over. You’re on Romney time now.

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Forget Romney, We Need This Guy

[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]

Excerpt from: An interview with Stav Blackmane, conservative dark horse candidate for President of the United States.
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2. What is your real opinion of Obama?

I believe him to be a sad, abandoned boy now trapped by time in manhood; who was deceived by those who claimed to love him: who had hatred of this country, of our society and our values, fed to him with his mother’s milk, except actually without the mother’s milk part: whose rage is now full-grown. I don’t think he is either stupid or incompetent – I think he’s malignant, and that the non-natural disasters that have befallen our country have not been the result of his policies’ failures, but rather of their successes. This is not “conspiracy talk” by the way; I’ll remind you of his “energy prices will necessarily skyrocket” quote as a perfect example. He’s a bitter narcissistic far-left radical, playing out his mommy and daddy issues on a stage writ large, who has been quite successful at achieving many of his goals.
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Oh yeah… there’s more.

LOTS more…

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Where would you hide?

The Secretary of State won’t be in Charlotte next week. That’s right, Hillary Clinton will skip the Democrat National Convention. Seems she has another meeting to go to. In The Cook Islands. That’s a 28-hour flight by commercial airliners.

Now, sure, she’s working. She’ll be meeting with some dignitaries from Volcanoland or something. And, it’s not like she didn’t attend this yearly conference last year … although she didn’t; she sent her chauffeur or somebody.

Bottom line is, she’s getting as far away from this year’s DNC as possible, possibly resting up for a run against President Romney in 2016.

And I’m not criticizing her. I’m not getting near Charlotte next week, either. Nothing against Charlotte, mind you. I personally wouldn’t mind being in Charlotte … if I could visit John Boy and Billy. But I can’t so I won’t.

Anyway, we know where Hillary’s gonna be: about as far away as possible without actually leaving the planet.

I wonder, though: where would be some good places for Democrats to go instead of Charlotte? Where are some good hiding places?

Suggestions?

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Even This Title is Racist!

The “Chief Diversity Officer” of the U.S. State Department was so concerned about people saying racist things, that he felt it was his duty to find a way to connect just about every phrase in the American vernacular to how it might in fact be racist.

For example, “hold down the fort” is apparently racist towards Native Americans, because it has something to do with forts protecting people from them in the old days. And as we all know, there was no such thing as a fort prior to white Europeans building them in America to steal Indian lands.

So, what other words or phrases might we be using that could be racist?

Fellow nuker FormerHostage (High Praise!) got a head start on this in his comments today:

Skillet -> cast iron -> black -> RACIST!
Dinosaurs -> giant lizards -> rhymes with wizard -> Grand Wizard -> RACISTS!

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Straight Line of the Day: The Obama Campaign Picked Up a New Endorsement…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The Obama campaign picked up a new endorsement…

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Still overpriced

The Dekalb County Georgia Democrats are giving away tickets to see Obama’s acceptance speech to bar patrons in Atlanta.

You got to get to Manuel’s Tavern, 602 North Highland Avenue Northeast in Atlanta by noon, so hurry.

So, to summarize: they have to give away tickets to hear Obama speak, and you gotta be drunk to accept them?

That actually makes sense. Maybe things will be okay after all.

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Romney Frightens Michael Moore

Recently in an interview, controversial film maker and big fat dummy Michael Moore predicted that Mitt Romney will win the election. He lamented the fact that young people aren’t excited about Obama any more like they were in 2008 and probably won’t get out of bed to vote. He also said something about Republicans riding dinosaurs, which gives them a clear advantage.

In other news, seismologists are using Science! to try and locate where on the planet Michael Moore is at any given moment, as this may be the key to predicting earthquakes.

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