Co-Blogger Loses Meds; Dresses in Spandex; Rants

Over at Nuking Politics, walkingdead apparently had one too many Cosmos & is now talking smack about IMAO.

All I can say is sorry about your girlfriend, dude. Apparently she likes real men.

Also, tell your mom I said “hi.”

But say it all sexy-voice. She likes that.

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Not Sure How This Counts As Obama Creating or Saving Jobs

An Indiana-based medical equipment manufacturer says it’s scrapping plans to open five new plants in the coming years because of the looming taxes in Obamacare.

I swear, if Obama were President in Edison’s time, we’d still be lighting the country with whale oil.

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This Time Obama’s Right: You Didn’t Build That, the Government Did

[High Praise! to Laughing Conservative]

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I Guess They’ll Blame THIS on Global Warming, Too

With the drought drying out their lawns, some homeowners are resorting to having their dead grass dyed green to keep up appearances.

Now THAT’S what I call a metaphor for Obama’s green energy programs.

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Amen to This: The Lazy, Idiot Press and Guns

[High Praise! to The Gormogons]

I recommend the entirety of this brutal takedown of the media’s bumbling coverage of the Aurora shootings, but mostly I wanted an excuse to post this quote from the piece:

a free sample hooker at a rundown desert bordello has a more honorable profession than a 21st Century journalist. The sheer intellectual laziness of the media is exactly why we get terrified story after story about the evils of firearms.

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You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “At a White House staff meeting, Obama said…“.

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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Link of the Day: I Almost Feel Sorry for Obama Having Joe Biden as VP

[High Praise! to I Own the World]

Obamas #112 – Bridge Club

Part of me thinks “aw, it’s just a cartoon.”

Another part of me thinks “yup, this sorta thing probably happens every day.”

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Wisdom of the Day: Pizza

From Sean Gabay:

Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I’ve only done that with pizza

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10 Ways America Could be More Like China

[High Praise! to Dan]

Elizabeth Warren is out there saying we should emulate China because they’re spending a fortune on roads & bridges.

Maybe she’s been hanging out too long with Anita “Mao Tse-tung is my favorite political philosopher” Dunn.

But why stop at infrastructure? Surely there are other areas where we could be more like China.

I speculate thusly:
_______________

Well, at least we’ll finally discover that ancient secret for getting clothes so clean.

1) Coolie hats (only if worn ironically)

2) Use chopsticks instead of forks. Still need to take them away from Hispanics at Obama fundraisers, since they’re an obvious stabbing hazard.

3) More little red books. Mostly because the magazine is too big to fit in your pocket.

4) All women have to wear skirts and march in formation

5) Forget bumper stickers. “Forward.” brand fortune cookies.

6) Wispy facial hair. Although I suppose the wearing-coolie-hats-ironically hipsters’ll probably have that part covered.

7) Invest in America – buy national debt. I think the Fed’s already on top of that one.

8) Large, iconic illustrations of our supreme political leader carried through the streets by people who are forbidden from criticizing that leader. Oh, wait

9) Is Warren hinting that we’ll all soon be conscripted to build Obama’s high-speed intercontinental railroad?

10) We get our moon program back!
______________

Also, we’ll finally get that wall on our border to stifle the rushing hordes of foreign invaders.

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Moon Commies!

China is planning a mission to the moon. If they launch anything to the moon, we’re going to shoot it down, right? I mean, we can’t have another country up there on our moon possibly messing with the flags we put there. What if they put a red commie flag on the moon and made it a commie moon instead of an ultra-libertarian moon like Heinlein predicted?

Here, I have an idea: What if we did something really intimidating to keep anyone away from our moon. Like I dunno… maybe like nuke it or something. It’s a good idea if we don’t want commies crawling all over it like little red ants. If you’re in the U.S. government and think this is an amazing idea, please contact me. I have lots of hand made drawings of how to do this and how cool the aftermath should look.

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I Have GOT to Have This for My Ringtone

[High Praise! to DoublePlusUnDead]

A security guard foiled a robbery attempt at a Dollar General store in Oklahoma City. While calling 911, the robber became unsubdued, and the guard had to subdue him again.

With an aluminum baseball bat.

The *ping* *scream of agony* is one of the most satisfying sounds you’ll ever hear [911 call starts at the 50 second mark]


[News9 direct link]

Sounds like justice.

UPDATE: It’s now a ringtone.

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DNC Speakers Disaster

I’m not sure the Democrat National Convention is going to turn out too great. First, they have 1/32 Cherokee, 31/32 bald face liar Elizabeth Warren speaking, which will probably just remind everyone of Obama’s “You didn’t build that!” speech since she was one of the originators of the awesome idea of how useless government twits need to angrily chastise job makers. And then there is going to be Bill Clinton, and I assume his speech will go over really well… as long as he doesn’t rape anyone. But all he is going to do is remind everyone what a marginally competent Democrat looks like.

Well, luckily pretty much no one is attending it.

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Straight Line of the Day: The Worst Thing Happened to Obama on the Golf Course…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The worst thing happened to Obama on the golf course…

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The Typical Undecided Voter

Now everyone reading this site probably already knew how they were voting this year back in 2008, but there are apparently a lot of people who haven’t thought enough about Obama or Romney to form an opinion. If you’re wondering what they look like, here you go.

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Time to Get Harry Reid the Care He Needs

So Harry Reid says he has no evidence but he totally heard from some guy that Mitt Romney didn’t pay taxes for ten years. One’s immediate reaction to this is, of course, “Aren’t there locks in the home they keep Harry Reid in?” This is the guy who said taxes are voluntary, declared the Iraq war lost before the surge, talked about the presidents “negro dialect”, lamented the loss of government funds for cowboy poetry, and somehow has forgotten to pass a budget for the government for the last four years. It’s not so much as why do the Democrats keep him the majority leader in the Senate but more of why do they let him out in public at all? If the guy was a greeter at a WalMart, the store would go out of business. But now we have the weird creepy old guy spreading rumors he supposedly heard but probably imagined. How is this good for anyone? Write your Senators today and tell them to finally do the right thing and lock Harry Reid up in an old folks home that he won’t be able to escape from.

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