Clint Eastwood Quotes on the Obama Years

[High Praise! to SooperMexican]

If you’re wondering why Clint Eastwood endorsed Romney, all you have to do is consider what he’s said in his movies.

It’s all right there.

[CAUTION: Clint’s quotes are not censored]


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #12,525)

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Is This Harry Reid’s Anonymous Source?

[High Praise! to Naked DC]

Also from that same post, this bacon-worthy quote:

CNN brands the Wisconsin shooter as a far right Neo Nazi. Funny, I can’t remember any plank in the Nazi party being about limited government.

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Forget Up-Armored Humvees – the Military Needs Chevy Volts!

It’s being reported by NLPC that President Obama is now having the US military buy Chevy Volts.

It may not be a completely bad idea. I imagine a Volt could substitute as a serviceable flamethrower in a pinch.

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Link of the Day: The Most Glorious Failures of Obama’s War on Romney

[High Praise! to Frogmouth of Nuking Politics]

Reader Submission: Mitt Romney and the Bowl of Spaghetti

An entertaining analysis of Obama’s 2012 campaign tactics and their consistently disastrous results.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Obama’s decided to replace Joe Biden as VP…“.

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Also, Keln’s picked the Punchline Nuker of the Week.

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Wisdom of the Day: Foodstamps Puppies Man-Thing Oldsmobile Elderly

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10 Liberal Excuses for Missing Starbucks Appreciation Day

After freedom-lovers across America turned out in record numbers to show support for Chik-fil-A, embarrassed liberals decided that they should do something constructive (for a change) and vowed to show support for a corporation themselves.

They chose Starbucks Coffee.

Like most constructive efforts by liberals, it failed miserably. Which you didn’t know because an embarrassed media just ignored it, on the theory that if no one actually TALKS about a failure, then it didn’t actually fail.

Denial. River in Egypt. Not just.

I’m sure they had plausible excuses, though. Like maybe…
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Too creeped out by the way the mermaid’s eyes seem to follow you wherever you go.

1) Pulled into the Starbucks parking lot, forgot why they were there, threw a garbage can through the window out of habit, and fled.

2) Too frightened by all the gun owners showing their appreciation for Starbucks’ supportive concealed-carry policy.

3) Heard a rumor Mitt Romney might pop by and give them cancer.

4) All the food items at Starbucks are 100% dog-free, a racist insult to the President.

5) Never got over the disappointment of discovering that, while Starbucks coffee looks & smells like rancid bongwater, it has none of the happy side-effects.

6) While reading Facebook on their iPad, discovered that Starbucks was secretly a corporation and thus totally evil.

7) Scheduling conflict. Flipped a coin, it came up heads, and went to the Roseanne Barr for President rally instead. Yay! Socialist solutions!

8) Sorry, STILL too busy wandering around Madison, Wisconsin, screeching about how it’s CNN’s fault that the military-industrial-media complex conspired to throw the election to Scott Walker.

9) Denied admittance to the store by Starbucks’ strict “No Bongos” policy.

10) Apollo’s Coffee is just SO much better.
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On the bright side, when I heard liberals were going to throw their support behind Starbucks, I did what any prudent person would do: short-sold a ton of their stock & made a fortune when it tanked.

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ObamaCare Means More Expensive Pizza

The founder and CEO of Papa John’s came out and told everyone that Obamacare was going to cause them to raise the price of pizza. Some people are like, “Well, I don’t care if pizza is a couple cents more if everyone gets health care.” Except it’s not just pizza: Everything is going to be more expensive. Also, because of rising costs, there are going to be layoffs. Now, in this economy, is what we need fewer jobs and for everything to be more expensive? No, that is the opposite of what we need. Isn’t that the message we need right now in the presidential campaign: Obama came into office and did the exact opposite of what was needed. Because he didn’t care about how the economy affected people; he just wanted his big liberal legacy. And that’s why we need to kick him out of office and make him watch as we smash his stupid legacy to pieces and then burn those pieces.

And I don’t know why I’m not in charge of all conservative political campaigns; it’s like I’m the only one who understands things.

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The Definition of Harry Reid

[High Praise! to Michael]

When you’re striving to become “internet famous”, there are certain signals that indicate you’ve finally made it.

For example, if you’ve created fake content that’s so realistic that it fools a lot of people and Snopes feels obligated to point out that it’s fake. IMAO’s done that with the upside down Obama phone, and Obama’s apology to the British for the Delaration of Independence.

Being mentioned as an example on TV Tropes. IMAO is listed under Memetic Badass: Chuck Norris for Frank’s Fred Thompson facts (NSFW language at link).

However, Harry Reid’s done something IMAO has yet to do: get a definition in the Urban Dictionary.

The Daily Caller explains:

The Urban Dictionary, a fast-evolving online lexicon that promotes itself as “the dictionary you wrote,” has added a new definition of Reid that seems calculated to respond to the Nevada senator’s recent claims about Romney’s alleged federal income tax evasion.

“Harry Reid,” the dictionary now says, is defined as “[a]n unofficial rap sheet of alleged pederasty and sexual abuse of minors by anonymous sources that may not exist.”

Congratulations, Harry.

You filthy pederast.

Or so I’ve heard on the internet.

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UPDATE: This is actually Harry’s third definition at UD. The first is “A sexual position where you climb on top and then do absolutely nothing.”

The second is adult, explicit, and I can’t even describe it on this PG-13 blog, so be careful if you click that link above, lest your eyeballs catch on fire and fly out of your skull because you scrolled down too far.

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Bailouts for All!

Obama says he wants to do to all industries what he did to the auto industry. So he wants to forcefully take our money and dump it into failing companies everywhere. This should be a real boon for those business; if they can get people’s money without even having to give those people goods and services in return, that should really cut costs for them. Obama is such an economic genius.

I hear Obama once had a lemonade stand as a kid. It ended with his grandparents’ house being foreclosed on.

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Straight Line of the Day: Have You Heard About Michelle Obama’s White House Garden?

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Have you heard about Michelle Obama’s White House Garden?

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A Time for Righteous Anger

Fred Thompson has some advice on Romney and the demands for his tax returns:

Based on what I thought was appropriate at the time, I have released my share of tax returns when running for office, and while I might have advised him differently a year ago, now I say go all in. I would not give one inch to an outfit that accuses me of killing a worker’s wife.

Fred Thompson is right; Romney needs to show some righteous anger. If it were Fred Thompson in this situation, upon hearing the sleazy accusations he would exclaim, “My righteous fist seeks his face!” Then at the next public Obama appearance, Fred Thompson would emerge from the crowd and punch Obama right in his stupid face. And then Obama would be crying and clutching his face while blood was spurting from his nose, and Fred Thompson would say, “Apologize!”

And Obama would scream, “I’m sorry!”

“And apologize for getting blood on me!”

“I’m sorry! I’m weak!”

“And apologize for your presidency!”

“I’m sorry! I suck at everything! I should have listened to my guidance counselor when he told me to be a hobo!”

Anyway, that’s how politics should be instead of everyone just smiling and acting like things are fine. I bet Mitt Romney could do a totally bacon headbutt; he needs to practice that for the debates.

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Random Thoughts: Inherited Messes

It’s nice to have so simple a mind you can reduce complex economic theory down into, “Wah! Those people have more money than me!”

I’m still waiting for someone to draw a line from point A – raise taxes on rich – to point B – economic recovery.

Obama’s economic plan seems to be 1) Raise taxes 2) Chastise business creators for not being grateful enough of the government.

Going after the rich gets the same results as Wile E. Coyote going after the roadrunner.

I’m positive about the future; I own a couple shotguns.

I like the president saying he has a “plan” now. So that’s what he’s doing the past four years: planning.

North Korea’s Olympics performance shows us what to expect from them if their country ever got access to food.

Obama was president these past four years. Romney should keep pointing that out as it doesn’t make Obama look good.

Obama: “I inherited this mess from Bush.”
Romney: “If you think that’s bad, look what I’m going to inherit!”

Romney wants to deny women contraception by murdering them.

“What is it we chant again? S.U.A?” -liberal trying to get into Olympic spirit

Obama 2012: The first four years were just practice.

Obama 2012: Four more years of me whining about how the GOP won’t cave to my demands will get us back on track!

Obama says he inherited this mess from Bush, but Bush inherited problems too. Maybe we’re all still cleaning up Jimmy Carter’s mess.

The Huntsmans have left the Republican Party over it not being inclusive enough of Huntsmans.

They should do a reality show where they pick the next over the top judge for a reality show.

Hussein? Usain!

Whoever wins the presidential election, I hope most of what he does doesn’t affect me.

Spellcheck in GoogleDocs has redlined “light” and wants to change it to “slight.” Light is a word, right? I’m not going crazy?

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Mitt Romney Wants More Starving Teachers to Destroy the Economy

In Virginia, President Obama said that hiring new teachers will help the economy because those new teachers will go out and eat at restaurants.

Yes, curse McDonald’s and their “no teaching certificate, no service” policy.

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