A Perfectly Good Reason for Romney to Release His Tax Returns

[High Praise! to Theo Spark]

Send to Kindle

The REAL Reason Obama Wanted Us to Go to Mars

[High Praise! to Theo Spark]

Send to Kindle

Math Nerds

[We’re giving Keln of Nuking Politics a chance to impress you by letting him try his hand at guest-posting at IMAO. Shower him with bacon or tofu in the comments as appropriate.]

So Romney came out today and told everyone that he has, in fact, paid his taxes for the past 10 years, and then he said that Harry Reid should now reveal his mysterious source. But as we all know, anonymous sources are anonymous for a reason. Usually because they might lose their position or job, or maybe even get targeted for an old gangster-style whacking. In Reid’s case, it is more likely that he doesn’t want anyone to know that he gets his tips from his imaginary friend, Koko the giant sock monkey.

But, that whole business is really irrelevant, and Romney and Ryan seem to understand that, which is why they are starting to whip out the white boards and do math in front of a live audience. It sounds risky…doing actual math in front of people during a campaign. I mean, math for most people is a real buzz-kill. Especially for people on the left. Math is too objective for them to really “dig”. They might like imaginary numbers though.

See, Romney, who is Mr. Business, and Ryan, who is Mr. Numbers, are kinda like those nerds in high school that were on the debate team, the glee club, and worst of all, the Math Team. It doesn’t get nerdier than that folks. And Obama is like, Mr. Cool. He can’t really add 2 +2, and doesn’t even know how many states there are, but he is cool, man. The mom jeans moment notwithstanding.

I guess that makes the American public like, high school kids or something. It’s just natural to say “haha, Romney is a dork.”, and stuff him in a locker with Harry Reid and his sock monkey when you’re too cool for school. But it’s all fun and games until…the big math exam comes up.

Then what happens? Can the cool kids save you then? Nope. That’s when you start letting the dorks sit with you at the lunch table in exchange for some study help for that big math test. Because, you’re too cool to know how to do math. And the school Quarterback, Obama…well he doesn’t know anything about math either. He’ll still pick on you for sitting with the dorks, but he’s going to fail his math test.

Maybe if we’re lucky, he’ll get kicked off the football team too.

Send to Kindle

I Can See Obama Doing This After the Election

[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]

Also at the link: alternative employment options for Elizabeth Warren, Rahm Emanuel, Al Gore, and others.

Send to Kindle

Guess What Obama Was Doing During the Mars Landing?

[High Praise! to Hope n’ Change Cartoons]

Click here for 4 more funny pictures.

Send to Kindle

You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “In the Oval Office, they just installed…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Send to Kindle

Link of the Day: Clarification: What Biden REALLY Meant by They’ll Put Y’all Back in Chains

[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]
They’ll Put Y’all Back in Chains…of Freedom


See, what the Democrats did was come to recognize that there was a different kind of slavery in America, and as the new protectors of Black people, they knew they had to squash this slavery, to make up for things in the past. This slavery, called “freedom” was cloaked in promises of freedom of thought and speech and the ability to live the American dream, and make a business, and be successful, and do anything a white rich protestant male could do. But it bound people, especially minorities, in the shackles of personal responsibility. And the Democrats couldn’t bear to allow minorities to be weighed under such a burden.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Send to Kindle

Wisdom of the Day: Terrorist Biden Roulette

Send to Kindle

Getting This Is the Civilian Equivalent of the Medal of Honor

[via Very Demotivational]

To be bestowed only to honor acts of extreme bacon-worthiness.

Do not hand this out lightly like it’s some sort of Nobel Peace Prize.

Send to Kindle

Do You Wish You Had Been Aborted?

Here’s a left-winger finally trying to follow her abortion views to the honest conclusion and argue she should have been aborted. Because that is the sort of thing any abortion supporter must ultimately argue unless they want to imply there’s something wrong with abortion. I mean, you were just a clump of cells; killing you then was nothing bad to be avoided.

Who knew killing your own kind could lead to weird moral areas?

Send to Kindle

Liberal Political Philosophy: The Short Version

[High Praise! to Conservative Commune]

If dinner tastes awful, maybe seconds will help. Some insist that bad ideas will be improved by enacting more severe versions of them, as liberals are convinced that their policies fail only because we diluted the intensity of them. Societal contentment will come in the form of going off the rails instead of just teetering near danger.

There’s plenty more where that came from. I just wanted to make sure you at least saw that particular slice of bacon.

Send to Kindle

Something to Vote For

Polling shows Romney up in all the swing states. I was one of those who thought Romney could just coast to election by not being Obama, but after all the hopes Obama has dashed, people really need something to vote for. And with the Ryan pick, the Republicans are now the adults ready to really do something about the bloated government and skyrocketing debt and the Democrats are — well, bitter losers with no ideas and lots of incoherent anger.

So let’s be positive about the future. That is the theme of my next book, so positivity will really help promote it which is important for our country.

Send to Kindle

Straight Line of the Day: President Obama’s Teleprompter…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

President Obama’s teleprompter…

Send to Kindle

Those Racist Photo IDs

You know why Republicans want people to have photo IDs? Because when someone hands you a photo ID, it will have a picture of that person on it allowing you to see what race he is so you can discriminate against him!

There just so much dumb in the left’s railing against photo IDs. I love this confident assertion by Bill Maher that poor black people are less than children — just incapable of obtaining a free photo ID. One day we really need to confront the patronizing racism of the left that just as bad as anything during the 60s. Unlike the right, the left never get scrutinized about racism so they’ve been allowed to get away with horrendous views.

Also, the left keeps saying we never find any voter fraud of this kind. Yes, BECAUSE YOU NEVER ALLOW US TO TAKE ANY MEASURES TO LOOK FOR IT! I know the idea of someone going to the polls and pretending to be someone they’re not to vote sounds so complex and scifi, but it can happen and has.

And really, considering all the things you need a photo ID for in modern life, wouldn’t a caring liberal have gotten on this issue of lack of photo IDs long ago? I mean, shouldn’t the focus be to get everyone photo IDs so people can enter federal buildings, ride the train, buy cold medicine, and do everything else those rich 1% with photo IDs do?

But the left doesn’t care. As it’s good to remember, there are only two thing the left really care about: Winning elections and feeling superior. Everything else ranks far below that. They only like this photo ID issue so they can make yet more disingenuous charges of racism because they think that helps them — even though, as Maher demonstrates, they’re the ones who don’t think very much of minorities. And the other reason is they don’t want to end voter fraud because they’re well aware of who that benefits.

Send to Kindle

Random Thoughts: No ID

Wired was about to fire Jonah Lehrer, but some wise quotes from Bob Dylan convinced them otherwise.

It’s not good to jump to conclusions, but the FRC shooter was probably a crazy person.

The country would be in much more trouble if it weren’t for the disenfranchisement of the lazy.

Considering all the things you need a photo ID for, why haven’t caring liberals brought up this epidemic of the photo ID-less before?

Romney has still yet to release a statement on Shark Week.

I’ve been wanting to play Final Fantasy VII for fifteen years, and it’s finally available for PC download for $10.

Send to Kindle