Bad News – Another Key Demographic Is Abandoning Obama

[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]

Click here to read the brilliant satire that accompanies this image.

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Even Obama Couldn’t Say “You Didn’t Build That” to This

[High Praise! to American Digest]


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #726,540)

In the literal sense, it’s just 5 minutes of a guy cementing together concrete blocks to build a wall.

In a larger sense, it’s symbolic of every good, decent, honorable aspect of American existence.

Consider this your Rorschach test.

The fact that this video has been viewed over 700,000 times does NOT bode well for Obama in November.

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Cthulhu Third Party Candidacy at an End

R’lyeh, South Pacific (NPN) – Potential presidential candidate Cthulhu has made it official: he has decided not to run as a third party “greater of evils” option in this year’s U.S. Presidential race.

The Dread god is sitting this one out.

“I just don’t see the point,” a somber Cthulhu said. “I mean, my platform has always been the total and utter destruction and subjugation of the human race, starting with the United States. But this year, there is already a candidate who can help accomplish these things.”

Cthulhu worries that running for president could jeopardize the Obama campaign by stealing votes from the misanthropic and nihilist segments of the Democrat base, which are sizable, but not enough to win an election on.

“The worst thing that can happen here, is that people select the lesser of evils, Mitt Romney. I just can’t be party to that, when I am such an outspoken proponent of the greater of evils in an election.” said Cthulhu, while eating one of our reporters. “Mmm nom nom, um, if Obama keeps up what he is doing, burrrrrp, then I could take the election in 2016, and the United States will be so broken by then, it will be child’s play to finish the work I intend to do.”

In other news, while it was speculated that General Zod would also enter the race again, very little has been heard out of his camp. Zod himself was unavailable for comment when asked about it, but a spokesperson did respond to NPN’s inquest.

“The General has not made a decision on whether he will run this year, or, more likely, simply take over the world.” said the Zod spokesperson. “Kneel before Zod.”

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Link of the Day: Hillary Denies Jarrett VP Meeting – Dr. Seuss Version

[High Praise! to Ed the Pastor via SooperMexican]

State Dept. Angry “Dr. Seuss Denial” of Clinton VP Meeting; Expanded

I think excerpting it wouldn’t do it justice, since it’s relatively short, so just go ahead & click the link.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Is The Media Covering Up for Harry Reid?

[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]

Why haven’t I heard about these charges?

I call conspiracy.

Excerpt:

LAS VEGAS (TPC) Harry Mason Reid, “cowboy poet” who is known to his fans as the Senate Majority Leader, was lying in the middle of the road with no car in sight when another driver spotted him and called 911, according to a recording released Thursday. Officials said Reid was naked and threatened to kill state troopers when he was arrested late Tuesday night.

Apparently Read was returning home from a poetry reading at the Cowboy Poets Society (CPUSA). He was charged with driving while intoxicated and retaliation or obstruction, and released Wednesday on $21,500 bond from the Clark Co. jail in Las Vegas. A mug shot showed a battered-looking Reid in a T-shirt, with a black eye and dried blood on his face. He later walked barefoot out of the county jail wearing scrubs and a “Viva Las Vegas” baseball cap.

Click here to read the whole sordid tale at The People’s Cube.

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Harry Reid’s Tax Accusation Against Romney – The Only Honest Way to Consider It

[High Praise! to Patriot Post]
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Columnist Arnold Ahlert observes, “Note the despicable tactic to which Harry Reid has resorted. He makes an unsubstantiated allegation — one that could be made about virtually anything — and then claims the burden is on Romney to prove that the allegation is untrue.”

So, if I claimed someone told me that Harry Reid moonlights as a transvestite Marilyn Monroe impersonator in Vegas, by Reid’s distorted proof standard, the burden is on him to prove otherwise.

Ahlert concludes, “This is the stuff of banana republics and totalitarian regimes, but the Senate Majority Leader does it anyway, knowing that his media allies are more than willing to keep the story alive, and that other Democrats will rally to his side.”
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Very well said.

Further down in the article, there’s also an eye-popping list of documents that Obama is still keeping under wraps.

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Fun Facts About the 50 States: Iowa

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, it’s time to fire up the ol’ combine, because we’re headed out to Iowa, so let’s get started…
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The state flag of Iowa is rumored to be the inspiration for the “ribbon” portion of the Olympic rhythmic gymnastics event.

* Iowa became the 29th state on December 28th, 1846, after Congress finally persuaded the state to change its name from “Corntopia”.

* The state bird of Iowa is the goldfinch, which should not be confused with any criminal masterminds who tried to kill James Bond.

* Iowa contains exactly 99 counties. The legendary “lost 100th county” is currently being sought by a ragtag band of spaceships fleeing from the evil Cylon Empire.

* Geographically, Iowa is one of the flattest states in the US, but it IS considering getting implants so that South Dakota will FINALLY pay attention to it.

* Iowa was nicknamed the “Hawkeye State” after the popular deep-fried delicacy served in most of the state’s taverns.

* The 31st president of the US – Herbert Hoover – was born in West Branch, Iowa. The Hoover Dam was named in his honor, since its construction was made possible by his invention of the concrete beaver.

* The state song of Iowa is “Corn! Corn! Corn!”, which consists entirely of people singing the word “corn” for 5 minutes, and was the inspiration for Monty Python’s “Spam” sketch.

* The state tree of Iowa is the oak tree, because… well, they had to choose SOMETHING, and since corn doesn’t grow on trees, they figured acorns were close enough.

* Burlington, Iowa is home to Snake Alley, the crookedest street in America, which rates an impressive 9.5 on the Kofi Annan crookedness scale.

* Strawberry Point, Iowa is home to the world’s largest strawberry. It’s 10 feet tall, weighs 500 pounds, and subsists on a diet of migrant farm workers.

* The world’s smallest city park is in Hiteman, Iowa, and consists of a single blade of grass growing through a crack in the sidewalk.

* And yes, keeping it mowed IS a union job. How did you guess?

* Iowa has more people of Norwegian extraction than it does black people, which is why pickled herring is sold at basketball games.

* Or WOULD be, if Iowa had enough black people to put together an NBA team.

* You know that team that the Harlem Globetrotters always beat in exhibition games? They’re all from Iowa.

* Crystal Lake, Iowa has a statue of the world’s largest bullhead fish, which was finally caught in 1982 by a hockey-mask-wearing serial killer.

* Kalona, Iowa is the largest Amish settlement west of the Mississippi. It was founded in 1858 by ultraconservative Amish who were sick of those Pennsylvania harlots shamelessly flaunting their naked wrists.

* Cedar Rapids, Iowa is home to the world’s largest breakfast cereal company – Quaker Oats – which also makes other funny-hat-wearing, religion-related cereals, like Islam Puffs, Jew Chex, and Pope-ee-o’s.

* In Scrabble, Iowa is worth 7 points, which, coincidentally, is the same number of points awarded for running down a pedestrian while playing Grand Theft Auto: Des Moines.

* Dubuque, Iowa is frequently the site of violent turf wars between rival gangs of Hicks and Bumpkins.

* Johnny Carson was born in Corning, Iowa in 1925. Had he been born 50 years later, his homely face and mediocre comedic talent would’ve prevented any career in the entertainment industry, except for maybe IMAO Podcaster.

* Native Iowans are easily identifiable by their unique ability to actually locate Iowa on a map.

* Iowa has a population of nearly 3 million people, all of whom will punch you right in the freakin’ nose if you tell one more stupid corn joke.

* The state vegetable of Iowa is corn, which [punching sound effect] OW! MY FREAKIN’ NOSE!

* Well, that wraps up the Iowa edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week I’ll be stealing some ruby slippers & riding a cyclone to Kansas.
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Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go put some ice on my freakin’ nose… ow…

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[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

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