In Summary: This Year’s Choice

[High Praise! to Naked DC]

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An Apt Description of Paul Ryan

[High Praise! to Innominatus]

Let’s face it: Paul Ryan is basically Ted Nugent minus the pottymouth and a couple pounds of hair.

I consider that a GOOD thing.

Also, I think “Stranglehold” would make an excellent campaign theme song.

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If Joe Biden Tried to Do Paul Ryan’s “Hey Girl” Meme

[High Praise! to Stupid Is a Five Letter Word]

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Which Media Should Obama Interview With?

Obama adviser Stephanie Cutter said that Obama’s interviews with entertainment media are as “equally important” as with news media.

Guess they figure it doesn’t matter whether he’s in the sideshow or the circus.

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Link of the Day: How To Use Bacon To Make Your Life Incredible And Amazing

[High Praise! to RAML]

How To Use Bacon To Make Your Life Incredible And Amazing

This goes above and beyond just rubbing some bacon on it.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Wisdom of the Day: Heaven Furtado Cambozola Retirement

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You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Also, Keln’s announced the Punchline Nuker of the Week.

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Obama: Before & After

[High Praise! to Dave]

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Helium and Monkeys

This headline asks: “Why did Japanese scientists make apes inhale helium?” That’s kind of a stupid question. They had helium and they had monkeys so they did the obvious thing. Also, since it was Japan, it was probably part of some game show. Anyway, the important thing is that, while we would assume the result would be funny, they scientifically proved it.

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Can You Believe Michelle Obama Asked That?

At a campaign event in Iowa, Michelle asked Barack, “did you have a fried Twinkie?”

I assume that’s the Obama version of “does this dress make me look fat?”

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Why Do Job Creators Hate Obama?

I usually don’t put much stock in polls, but maybe Romney should be making a big deal out of this one. Small business owners favor Romney 61% to 26%. I mean if Obama is going to be the guy to bring jobs back to America, then why do they people who actually make jobs hate him? Kind of makes you wonder if he’s doing things that make job-creators angry. I know that’s hard to believe; I mean, Obama already did the most difficult part of job creation: create roads and bridges. And all everyone else had to do was the really simple thing of create a business — something so easy Obama has never done it because it’s so far beneath him. And yet small business owners don’t like him. Maybe another condescending “you didn’t build that” lecture will fix that.

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Cartoon of the Day

Not exactly original, but exactly on target.


[Direct link]

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Straight Line of the Day: President Obama Changed the Design on the Presidential Seal…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

President Obama changed the design on the Presidential Seal…

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Non-existent Obama supporters

According to a report in The New York Times, over 70% of Obama’s followers on Twitter are fake.

Based on how bad the economy is, how bad Obama is at … well, anything, and how his poll numbers are still up in the 40s, I assume most of these fake followers are also answering all the polls. I just hope they aren’t all registered Democrats.

Of course, it would make sense if these fake followers voted for Obama in November. He seems to have the illegal alien vote, the repeat vote, and the dead vote already, so the fake Twitter vote seems likely.

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Hurricane RNC

I’m glad the GOP is planning to go ahead with their convention despite hurricane Isaac. That’s the message they need to send: “We’re not some sissy Democrats; some wind and rain ain’t gonna scare us off.” And think of the fun for the hippies trying to protest outside while dealing with hurricane force winds — there will be placards and papier-mâché puppets stuck up in trees. Hippies can’t deal with harsh conditions; that’s why they’re whiny hippies. And if the press starts to annoy the GOP, it will add extra weight to the threat to kick them out of the convention. “No! Don’t send us outside! We’ll try to be nice! We’re just too arrogant and stupid to understand you’re political positions! Have mercy!”

In fact, I think all Republican conventions should be in harsh conditions to show how tough we are. Like they should be in the middle of a typhoon or on the edge of an active volcano. “Wind, water, and fire cannot destroy us, and neither can effeminate Democrats.” And there should be robot fights during it. Because Republicans are about the future: a powerful, somewhat scary future.

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