Worst is yet to come

Another bad idea

Licking a flag pole in Winter is smarter than voting for Obama.

Presidents’ second terms are usually not as good as the first. Obama’s 2nd term will be teh suck.

Why would I say that? I mean, there’s no way he could suck as bad in his second term as he did in his first, right?

WRONG!!!

Let’s look at history. Okay, who’s the oldest person here?

Okay, everybody put your hands down. Is there anyone here born before 1950? 1940? Oh, heck, 1900? No one?

That’s our starting point. We’ll cover all the presidents who won re-election all our lifetimes, m’kay?

Let’s see. 1900. That was William McKinley, and he was re-elected in 1900. He got shot. That sucks.

Teddy Roosevelt finished McKinley’s term, then got elected again in 1904. That’s when he proposed income taxes (this was before the 16th Amendment, remember) and inheritance taxes, both of which passed shortly after he left office, along with the creation of the Federal Reserve. Tell me that second term didn’t suck.

Woodrow Wilson was re-elected in 1914 1916. His second term included World War I and the League of Nations, forerunner to the United Nations. He implemented segregation laws in Washington (for segregation, not against). Oh, and then the whole having a stroke thing happened. That second term sucked.

Franklin Roosevelt was re-elected in 1936, and never would leave office. He finally had to go to Warm Springs, Georgia and die to get him out of the Oval Office. He made government really, really huge. He extended the Great Depression by screwing with the economy, instead of leaving it alone and letting it right itself in 18 months like it would have. World War II started in his second term, which sucked. Of course, it took his attention off screwing with the economy and expanding government, and the economy suddenly got better, but a lot of soldiers died. So, his second and third terms sucked. He died in his fourth. Which sucked.

Harry Truman, so full of promise after nuking his way to victory in World War II, won in 1948 and, within two years, we were in another war. Plus, he fired MacArthur. Truman let Commies in the government, but you can almost excuse that, since there’s not a hill of beans difference between a Commie and a Democrat. Oh, and a couple of Puerto Ricans shot at him. That sucked.

Dwight Eisenhower was re-elected in 1956 and then had heart attacks about every third day. The Soviets orbited satellites while ours blew up on the launch pad. And, Hawaii became a state, allowing their fake birth certificates to be used to put idiots in the White House. Then, there was the whole deal with taking over from the French in a little place called Vietnam. You might have heard of that. His second term sucked.

Lyndon Johnson got to keep his office job at 1600 Pennsylvania after winning the 1964 election. Remember that Vietnam thing Eisenhower got us into? Johnson doubled down. Hippies were running wild in the streets and left-wingers were blowing up college buildings and shooting people. They waited until after he left office to land on the moon, his second term sucked so bad.

Nixon was re-elected in 1972. Watergate. I don’t need to go any further, do I? His second term sucked.

Ronald Reagan’s second term had Iran-Contra, which led to a bunch of folks going to jail. He failed to get Robert Bork on the Supreme Court, and we wound up with Anthony Kennedy instead. And, a Space Shuttle blew up. Reagan’s second term kinda sucked.

Bill Clinton was re-elected in 1996. He was impeached in his second term. That kinda sucked.

George W. Bush was re-elected in 2004. A year later, somebody in Georgia (not ours, the other one) threw a grenade at him. He didn’t tell the military to kick everyone’s ass and come home in his first term, and that lead to the Democrats taking over Congress in 2006. That sucked big time.

Now, you’re wondering why I left out Calvin Coolidge. Well, it turns out that Calvin Coolidge is the anomaly of this group. He kept the presidency by winning the 1924 election, and then cut taxes, reduced regulation, and the economy flourished. He’s the only president to do a great job in his second term.

So, what would happen if Barack Obama won a second term? Well, you can be damn sure he won’t cut taxes and reduce regulation, and that the economy won’t flourish.

You think his first term was bad? If even good presidents like Reagan, Bush, Truman, and Eisenhower can screw up their second term, what do you think a born screw-up like Barack Obama will do?

Don’t even want to think about it.

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The Superpower President Obama REALLY Wants

President Obama said that if he could have any superpower, it would be to “be able to speak any language.”

Bet he’d settle for being able to make Joe Biden shut up in English.

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Liberals Think This Is a Winning Argument Against the 2nd Amendment

[High Praise! to Liberal Logic 101]

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A Quote Summarizing the Ryan Pick

[High Praise! to Monster Hunter Nation]

“As soon as they announced Ryan, the media had a come apart. I heard the words “extreme” and “radical” so many times that I thought I was watching a Mountain Dew commercial. I kept waiting for Ryan to come flying onto the screen doing flips on a skateboard while being chased by a shark. No, sorry media. Tony Hawk is “extreme”. Habeneros are “extreme”. Paul Ryan is a moderate republican who stayed awake through accounting 201.”

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You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “It’s 3 a.m. A phone rings in the White House… “.

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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Statue Denied

The BBC said they don’t want to erect a statue of George Orwell because he was “too left-wing.”

Well, if they made a bust of him, I’m sure Obama would give it a good home.

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Link of the Day: Obama Promises vs Reality – a Pictorial Essay

[High Praise! to The Astute Bloggers]

OBAMA 2008 VERSUS OBAMA 2012: THE PROMISE VERSUS THE REALITY

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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The smartest thing Barack Obama ever said

 

 

 

 

 

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A Moment With Joe Biden: Special

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden.

BIDEN: and ya’ know, when I was a kid I’d often overhear some of my friends talking about this one young fella who they said was “special.” They’d talk about how the poor kid was mentally deficient, and they’d sometimes use the term “retarded,” which I always considered such an offensive term, even back then. It was one of those things I never understood. When I’d ask them who they were talking about, they’d always just say, “You’ll find out, someday.” Well, I never did find out who they were talking about, but I’ve always thought about that kid. I’ve always hoped that that poor kid got the help he so desperately needed. Can you imagine going through life not being in control of your own mind? I sure can’t. And, neither can I. Now, if Romney gets into the White House, kids like that will be left to fend for themselves, without any help… those guys don’t want to give kids like that the help they need. And, what happens to a kid like that if he doesn’t get that much-needed care? What kind of job can he hope to get? It’s sad just to imagine…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

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Harvey Is in Charge

I’m kinda on vacation now and will be until 9/18, so blogging will be irregular. But you’ll still see me here because next week my book comes out and I’m going to be in full book promo mode. So I’ll be around, just… more sporadic posting. And most of it will be this. And really, if you’re desperate for more Frank J. writing, buying my book would be a great idea.

While Harvey is in charge do everything he says… unless he says something that conflicts with something I told you to do. Then listen to me. And if anything either of us says conflicts with your own conscience, then your conscience is stupid and you shouldn’t listen to it.

Never do anything Basil tells you.

I can’t wait until you all get to read my new book! See you around!

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This Is Why All Liberals Will Starve to Death

[High Praise! to The Last Refuge]

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The Sissiness Nadir?

So a deaf three-year-old is not allowed to sign his name at school because his name is “Hunter” and the sign for it uses a gun gesture. I don’t even know how we get any sissier than this. I guess the next step is to just go ahead with banning the possessions of penises at school. I know Democrats would love a crackdown on that as people who possess those as they (along with those who own guns) have always been a problem for them politically.

I should mention that in my new book, there is a chapter on combating childhood sissiness. The book does solve all of America’s problems, and this is getting to be a big one.

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Straight Line of the Day: The Obama Campaign Released a New Smartphone App…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The Obama campaign released a new smartphone app…

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Pressure on Obama Administration to Release “Choom List” Increases

Washington, D.C. (NPN) – On the heels of the recently published results of a ground-breaking research project linking the use of marijuana, or “choom”, to the development of rampant idiocy in its users, some groups are beginning to question the “Choomer-in-Chief” himself, President Obama.

Vice President Joe Biden was unable to answer how exactly he became such an idiot.

“All we want to know is, how much of this stuff did he use?” said Brian Goldberg, a senior fellow for the Center of Political Scrutiny. “I think the American people have a right to know just how much the President’s brain has been affected by this horrible drug, preferably before they decide whether to reelect him or not.”

While most groups agree that it is sufficient for the American people to know just to what extent the President subjected himself to reefer madness in his youth, others are claiming it simply isn’t enough, and that there is a more important question that needs to be addressed by the Obama administration.

One such group, Citizens for Open Choom Dialogue, wants to know more about the President’s supposed “Choom Gang”.

“You have to look at this objectively.” said Robert Fullerton, the group’s founder and chairman. “It isn’t enough to know how much choom the President subjected himself to, because as idiotic as his policies are, he still seems relatively functional for an incompetent moron. What we need to know is, who else from his choom gang is serving in our government?”

Reading from a list of suspected individuals, Fullerton and his group are most concerned about a specific person: Vice President Joe Biden.

“Think about it. Is there a more idiotic person in the higher levels of government?” said Fullerton. “Why would anyone purposely select Biden as their Vice President, knowing full well that the man is a complete and utter moron?”

“I’ll tell you why.” he declared. “It’s the choom. Joe Biden was or still is a member of this “choom gang”, and that is why the President selected him as his VP.”

The group has been pressuring the White House to either admit to these accusations, or to show proof otherwise, requesting a list of the Choom Gang membership from President Obama. When asked about it at a recent White House press briefing, Press Secretary Jay Carney made the following statement:

“Look, ah, this is just another type of birtherism.” said Carney, while beginning to foam at the mouth, as he is wont to do. “These “choomers”, that’s, uh, c-h-o-o-m-e-r-s, these choomers are just the same crazy people that want the President to submit yet another document that is irrelevant. They wanted the same thing as with other irrelevant documents such as his birth certificate, his school records, and those silly Fast and Furious documents. Frankly, none of this creates jobs. It’s about the jobs people. And the children.”

And with that, Jay Carney disappeared in a puff of smoke.

An official statement released afterwards from the White House declared, somewhat ambiguously, that Vice President Biden was never a local member of the original Choom Gang of Obama’s school years. Whether or not a current choom gang still exists and if Joe Biden is a member of it was not addressed.

Other “choomers” are starting to pressure the President to release a list.

“It’s simple, either Biden was, or he wasn’t a choom gang member.” said Donald Trump during a recent episode of The View. “Why is this such a big deal? What is the President hiding? I’m not saying Biden was, or is a choom gang member. But we all know he is, in fact, a flaming idiot. So that brings up the obvious question, of his, er, his membership in this choom club thing. Why won’t Obama just answer the question and put this thing to rest? Just release this Choom Gang list, Mr. President!”

NPN sought out Trump for additional remarks, but following his initial statement on The View, Joy Bahar attacked him with a chair and he was unavailable for comment while recovering.

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IMAO ace reporter Ghengis Khen [High Praise!] contributed to this story.

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More RNC Fun to Come

So the Republican National Convention started yesterday. I didn’t watch any of it. I don’t like watch politicians talk. Any of you watch Ann Romney or Chris Christie or any of the others? What did you think?

Anyway, Paul Ryan speaks tonight. This will, for many people, be their very first introduction to the concept of “math.” So Ryan will really have to sell that that’s something that’s important and relevant to government spending. It will be an uphill battle, but if he sticks to the facts (but not to many as facts can be rather dry) he should hopefully be able to convince some people.

Also, there is a “mystery speaker” scheduled for tomorrow. There’s some indication it will be Clint Eastwood. So expect him to say, “Go ahead: Tell me I didn’t build that.” and growl, “Get off my country!” Fun!

So anyway, it sounds exciting. Probably won’t watch any of it, though. But tell me how it goes.

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