Not Quite Time to Panic

The auto-scheduling feature at IMAO is on the fritz right now, so posts might show up late now & then until Basil figures out how much bacon he needs to sacrifice to the computer gods.

So far, he’s killed enough pigs on this project to take Carrie to the prom, but he’s not a quitter.

Hang tough, Nukers.

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I Think They Found the Right Man for This Job

A newly discovered memo shows that the Justice Department has been directed to hire people with “intellectual disabilities”.

You’d think Eric Holder would be enough to fill their quota.

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The Worst Part About Having Biden as Your VP

[High Praise! to Stupid Is a Five-Letter Word]

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The REAL Reason Obama Doesn’t Do Press Conferences

[High Praise! to Mind Numbed Robot]

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Tricky Legal Question

A judge has ruled that the Fort Hood shooter can be forcibly shaved while in military custody.

So… if they don’t do it dry, will they be accused of water-boarding?

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You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “The Obama campaign released a new smartphone app…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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Link of the Day: The Neil Armstrong Eulogy Obama WANTED to Make

[High Praise! to Hatless in Hattiesburg via Iowahawk]

Stars Get In Your Eyes

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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The C-Word

Seems a Republican used the C-Word.

No, not cancer. That’s the Democrats that are saying Mitt Romney gives people cancer.

No, not, um, ah, uh, hmm, uh, “see you next Tuesday” either.

Seems there’s a new C-Word that you can’t say. According to NewsBusters, Chris Mathews said that saying “Chicago” is racist. Why? Because there’s a lot of black people living there.

I assume calling someone a “Washington insider” will be racist, since there are a bunch of black people living there, too.

So, we have a new C-Word, another word we can’t say.

I have a list of words I never want to hear Chris Mathews ever to say again. The list can be found between the front and back covers of The Unabridged American Dictionary.

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A Moment With Joe Biden: Unemployment

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden

BIDEN: …so, when people ask me about unemployment I always tell them that story. Because, I’ve met so many people who have suffered from unemployment. I know what it’s like to look in the eyes of someone who’s been fired from his or her job, or has suffered financially from what George Bush and the Republicans have done to this economy. It’s not easy. It’s not easy to look at these people, and see them suffering; it tears at you. And, evenings, over dinner, I’ll look over at Jill and say, “Ya know babe, here Consuelo prepared these beautiful fillets but my gut’s so tore up I can barely force myself to have seconds.” ‘Cause it seems like the longer Barack is in the White House, the more people we meet that are out of work out there because of George W Bush. That’s why it’s so important that you re-elect Barack and I, keep us here in Washington to finish what we started…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

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This Is How the VP Debate Will Go (in 2 Pictures)

[High Praise! to Gotta Get Drunk First]

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Straight Line of the Day: The Secret Service’s Code Name for President Obama…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The Secret Service’s code name for President Obama…

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Obama Didn’t Sign That

Remember that Chinook helicopter that went down in Afghanistan last year and killed 30 Americans?

Well apparently Obama decided to follow tradition as president and send the families of the fallen letters expressing his condolences and such. You know, personal letters signed by the president. It’s not much, but at least it is a little something. Right?

From Gateway Pundit:

Their letters were all the same.
Form letters – signed by an electric pen.

Classy. I’m surprised Obama didn’t also send a photo of himself with the letters.

Check out the link for shiny pictures and the full story.

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There! I Fixed It for You!

The now former Yahoo! News Reporter David Chalian was fired after being caught saying about the Republicans, over an open mic, “They are happy to have a party with black people drowning.”

I can rectify that statement for you, David, with a great deal of ease… and it would have been true… and nothing that would have gotten you fired!

Are you ready, David?

Next time, just leave off the word “drowning.”

From Top, Left to Right:

Condoleezza Rice: Former Secretary of State
Tim Scott: South Carolina Congressman
Mia Love: Saratoga Springs, Utah Mayor and Utah Congressional Candidate
Artur Davis: Former Alabama Congressman
Angela McGlowan: 2010 Mississippi Congressional Candidate
Star Parker: 2010 California Congressional Candidate
Herman Cain: Former Presidential Candidate (2012)
Ken Blackwell: Former Ohio Secretary of State and 2006 Ohio Gubernatorial Candidate
Michael Steele: Former RNC Chairman, Former Maryland Lt. Governor and 2006 Maryland Senate Candidate
Jennifer Carroll: Florida Lt. Governor
Randy Daniels: Former New York Secretary of State and 2006 New York Gubernatorial Candidate
Gary Franks: Former Connecticut Congressman
Allen West: Florida Congressman
J.C. Watts: Former Oklahoma Congressman
Lynn Swann: 2006 Pennsylvania Gubernatorial Candidate
Daniel Bongino: Maryland Senate Candidate
Michel Faulkner: 2010 New York Congressional Candidate
Peter Boulware: 2008 Florida State House Candidate
Ryan Frazier: 2010 Colorado Congressional Candidate
Keith Butler: 2006 Michigan Senate Candidate

And don’t think that that is all there are. There are more. They are growing in number. And they are welcome!

*This post will not be not visible on MSNBC.

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Bet This Book Will Be a New York Times Best Seller

Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez are reportedly working on writing a book together.

Let me guess… it’ll be a little thing with a red cover?

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