Even This Title is Racist!

Posted on August 31, 2012 12:27 pm

The “Chief Diversity Officer” of the U.S. State Department was so concerned about people saying racist things, that he felt it was his duty to find a way to connect just about every phrase in the American vernacular to how it might in fact be racist.

For example, “hold down the fort” is apparently racist towards Native Americans, because it has something to do with forts protecting people from them in the old days. And as we all know, there was no such thing as a fort prior to white Europeans building them in America to steal Indian lands.

So, what other words or phrases might we be using that could be racist?

Fellow nuker FormerHostage (High Praise!) got a head start on this in his comments today:

Skillet -> cast iron -> black -> RACIST!
Dinosaurs -> giant lizards -> rhymes with wizard -> Grand Wizard -> RACISTS!

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20 Responses to “Even This Title is Racist!”

  1. rodney dill says:

    “Until the cows come home” — Cows=Chick-Fil-A mascot, therefore an anti gay slur.

  2. zzyzx says:

    “Three sheets to the wind.” Sheets -> KKK -> RACISTS!

  3. zzyzx says:

    By the way…I don’t know what Mr. Robinson gets paid, but whatever it is, it’s too much!

  4. Brian The Adequate says:

    nesting loops->Birds nest-> loopy bird = Robert Byrd -> RACIST!

    Beard –> Black Beard = Pirate-> Pirates are bad -> Black is bad -> RACIST!

    Then the ultimate challenge:

    Bacon –> fat –> Heart disease -> Rate of heart disease: African American > Caucasian -> RACIST!

  5. Brian The Adequate says:

    zzyzx – Since the sheets in question are actually the ropes (sailors are insane):

    “Three sheets to the wind.” –> Ropes twisting in the wind –> nooses –> Lynching –> RACIST!

  6. Manolo says:

    Oh, goody! PC Math:

    “Behind the Eight Ball” — (Behind = Underrepresented = Miniority) + (Eight Ball = Black) = Racist against people of African descent.

    “Cold As Ice” — (Opposite of Cold = Hot = Mexico is hot) + (Ice = ICE = Deportations) = Slur against Hispanic people.

    “Pure As Driven Snow” — (Antithesis of Pure = Impure = Inbred) + (Driven = Can’t Drive Yourself = DUI) + (Snow = Scandinavia) = Drunken Inbred Scandi Snowbillies. Not racist!

  7. CrustyB says:

    “Rule of thumb” was a beer brewers’ term. Had to do with the level of beer in the vat.

    But wait! Beer -> malt liquor -> Colt .45 -> Billy Dee Williams -> black people -> RACIST!

    The problem with America is that getting offended is no longer a side-effect. It’s a goal.

  8. KnitterChick says:

    Robert Byrd was a democrat and therefore incapable of being racist. Isn’t that how it works?

  9. Manolo says:

    @CrustyB: “The problem with America is that getting offended is no longer a side-effect. It’s a goal.”

    AMEN, BRUDDER!!!

    Amen = Outward Manifestation of Faith = Common Among Christians = Some Black People Are Christians = Amen is a slur against black people. Conclusion: RACIST!

  10. tomg51 says:

    “Did you watch Clint Eastwood speak last night?”
    is racist because…

  11. Keln says:

    @ CrustyB

    “Rule of Thumb” was also used by builders and many other crafts and trades as measurement.

    Builder -> “You didn’t build that” -> Obama -> a black person -> RACIST!

  12. Son of Bob says:

    Diversity > recognizing people’s differing ethnicity > categorizing people by their differing ethnicity > including or excluding people based primarily on their ethnicity > the definition of racism

  13. Thor says:

    “I have a dream!”–>some people dream in black and white–>black and white are opposites–>opposites attract–> Halle Berry is attractive–> She’s black and white–> I sometimes dream of Halle Berry …

    …I’m sorry, what were we talking about?

    Oh yeah–RACIST!!

  14. tomg51 says:

    Its getting late and I’ve had enough, dear, let’s go home and get a good nights sleep.

    Wow, I’ll probably get banned and my bacon taken away just for daring to type that!
    “Its getting late” – soon there won’t be anyone out but dangerous black people!
    “I’ve had enough” – only white people have enough, and you’re rubbin it into everyone else’s face!
    “dear” – so condescending you’re actually treating your wife as a Mexican housekeeper!
    “lets go home” – everyone around that doesn’t own a mansion just got called a useless *&$%!
    “and get a good nights sleep” – we have a sleep-number bed, have pleasant dreams, and no worries – unlike all illegal Canadians!

  15. Vaktatunnen says:

    Hope ‘N Change:
    Hope = Project Hope = Saved thousand of lives in third-world hellholes in the ’60s = American imperialism = RACIST
    N = Well, we all know what that means = RACIST
    Change = What we should do with our drawers now and then (except for hippies) = Things really have turned into a pile of poo, haven’t they? = DEFINITELY RACIST

  16. plentyobailouts says:

    Naw luky hair, Dontch ya be all up in ma gill bout no racasm you jaked uop mo fos. I b bet sluppin yo punkas dow an! get me some cone po and grits and do sum haila looyeah on youse racist mofos! sheeat. /hillary clinton

    Vernacular -> proper diction -> slur against ubonic -> racist

    Laughing at the absurdity of a cheif diversity officer -> only minorities can be chief diversity officers -> all chief diversity officers are black -> racist

    employings blacks at hunting company -> claiming promotion of black employees as aligator bait -> diversity award!

  17. coldguy says:

    Wasteful Pork -> blacks like pork products -> pork is only consumed by blacks -> its wasteful to give pork to blacks? -> RAAAAAAACIST!!

    Black Hole -> celestial body that takes in everything near it and gives nothing back (not even light!) -> it’s black -> RAAAAAAACIST!!

    BlackPeopleMeet.com -> guy in commercial says (about other black people),”They all want what we have!” -> blacks are covetous -> blacks are thieves -> RAAAAAAACIST!!

    United Negro College Fund -> N-E-G-R-O—-really? -> RAAAAAAACIST!

    Heebie-Jeebies -> only racist if you get them from democrat-voting jooooos

  18. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    …..watch and protect against the vicious Native American intruders. RAAAACIST

    Oh wait, it was the guy who wrote the stupid article who said that, never mind.

  19. Jimmy says:

    “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” —> because he’s already been eaten —> Obama eats dog —> Obama is black —> RAAAACIST!

  20. Crabby Old Bat says:

    “Barking up the wrong tree.” Escaped slaves were chased through the swamps by armed men with dogs (“Run, Eliza, run!”), treed by said dogs, and then lynched and hung from said tree by angry white men. RAAAAAACIST!!!!

    “In high cotton.” The only ones to profit from a cotton crop were the white slaveowners who forced black slaves to pick the cotton. RAAAAAACIST!!!!

    “That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe.” Trap doors are used in hangings and hanging was the favorite pastime of white lynch mobs who went after black victims. RAAAAACIST!!!!

    “In a coon’s age.” (Can’t even get the explanation out, my head just exploded from the sheer, unadulterated RAAAACISM! of this expression.)

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