Obama Is Everywhere

First Obama had edited himself into the president’s biographies, and now he’s edited the State Department facts sheets for different countries to add himself. Next, I guess he’ll take the different presidential portraits and paint himself in the background waving. And he’ll replace the White House china with Obama commemorative plates. And maybe he’ll just replace the presidential histories with a fictional series of short stories where he obtains a time machine and goes back and solves all the previous presidents’ problems. Eventually, Obama will be everywhere in the White House — except for the history of the the last four years. That was all Bush’s fault.

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17 Comments

  1. All of the flowers along the mall will be replaced with Chia obsama’s, The toilets will flush with his logo, and the eagle of the seal will have its face replaced with that one’s.

    All nouns, verbs, and adjectives will now be obsama.

    He will be the author of all great literature and cook books.

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  2. My analysis of this is that the cronies realize Mr. Obama will be a single-term president and are putting effort into trying to shape the historical lense and, in this particular realm the international worldview, that will cement his presidency. Normally, it’s the sort of stuff that’s used to bolster a Nobel Prize nomination, but in Mr. Obama’s case it’s ex post facto.

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  3. Every breath you take
    And every move you make
    Every bond you break, every step you take
    Barack is watching you

    Every single day
    And every word you say
    Every game you play, every night you stay
    Barack is watching you

    Oh can’t you see
    You belong to Barry
    How your poor heart aches
    With every buck he takes

    Every move he’ll make
    And every vow he’ll break
    Every smile he’ll fake, every claim he’ll stake
    Barack is scamming you

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  4. Obama was too busy sneaking a Big Mac, fries and a coke, followed by a menthol ciggie to teleport to New York and stop 9/11.

    However, the first guy onstage at Live Aid, back in ’85? Obama. (Phil Collins never forgave him for that.)

    That guy standing in front of the tank at Tiannamen Square? That was Obama.(He was asking where he could get a pack of Kools and a pick-up hoops game.)

    The first guy up on San Juan Hill in Cuba during the Spanish-American War? That was Obama. (Rumored to have said “took you long enough to get up here, Teddy.)

    Obama was too busy eating an ice cream cone with a spoon to teleport back to Ford’s Theatre.

    Obama was at Golgotha at the time of The Crucifixion, but he was jonesing for some Choom and snuck behing the cross on the left to light up and never got around to stopping the proceedings.

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  5. Obama told Clinton to question the meaning of “is”.

    Obama told Billy Carter to get into the craft beer business.

    Obama advised LBJ to pick up that beagle by the ears and show his abdominal scar.

    Obama recommended that FDR pack the Supreme Court.

    Obama showed William Taft how to eat an ice cream cone with a spoon and later told him “Dude, you’ve got to get a bigger bathtub!”

    Obama introduced Thomas Jefferson to Sally Hemings.

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  6. Everybody laughed when Obama single-handed began tearing down the Berlin Wall, but soon the rest all joined in and down it came.

    “I have an idea, Neil,” young Barack said. When you step off the ladder, say “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”

    Obama gave Bill Gates the Windows operating system.

    If Obama hadn’t directed security guards to a piece of tape he found on a door of the Watergate Hotel, well…

    Obama advised Emperor Hirohito that the time had come to surrender.

    Obama told Johnny Carson he should consider becoming a late-night television personality.

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  7. Obama showed Babe Ruth how to swing a bat.

    Obama was outside the courtroom and whispered in Johnny Cochran’s ear “It’s OK to let OJ try on the gloves.”

    Most of the major jumps credited to Evel Knievel were actually done by Obama while Evel was still in the hospital.

    Obama told Charles Lindbergh to make that flight to France.

    Obama started the Pokemon craze.

    Obama convinced white folk that throwing their arms up and yelling “YAHTZEE!” was actually cool.

    Obama showed Harold Lloyd how to hang from that clock.

    Obama was piloting the U-2 that discovered the missle launchers in Cuba.

    Obama told Jimi Hendrix to play his Fender upside down.

    However, Obama was too busy getting his Choom on to rescue the hostages in Munich, Iran, or lead the raid on Entebbe.

    Try as he might, Obama could not teach Shaq how to make his free-throws.

    Obama swaggered up to a young Chuck Norris, as Chuck was signing up for his first martial arts lesson and tried to show him all he knew. Eight year old Chuck spin-kicked Obama back into the 21st century.

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  8. Scary thing is, there is already a precident for a world leader doing this kind of thing. Can anyone say Stalin? He had whole departments dedicated to altering photos and paintings to remove undesirable (to him) persons from the picture, basically erasing them from the historical record.

    Scary…

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  9. Oh man… first it was the presidential biographies, now the country fact sheets. Work work work, that’s all this clown creates for me.

    Sigh.

    OK. In a few days – just in time to be entirely stale – I hope to once again out-stupid The Great Zero.

    It will be tough.

    Wish me luck!

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