The Romney Plan: Single Picture Version

[High Praise! to American Digest]

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Just a Reminder…

THE DISASTER CONTEST CONTINUES…

What awaits us on the Road to Ruin? It’s all up to you!

[Details at the link above.]

Results will be posted sometime on Monday afternoon. “HIGH PRAISE!” will be given. Bacon ~ ~ ~ will be served!

Are you man enough to enter? Or are you just some sort of Obama-voting sissy in Momjeans waiting for some free birth control and a flying unicorn?

Man up* and give it a try!

*PLEASE NOTE: Entries from women are welcome, too, but you need to pinky-swear that you’ve at least tried to pee standing up once just to see what it was like!

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UPDATE 9/3/12 2:15PM CDT

The winners have now been posted!

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Caption this! praise

Thanks to everyone who participated in the Caption This! from Tuesday.

HIGH PRAISE to ChristheLibertarian for this entry:

These particular entries were bacon-worthy. So, ~ to:

GEBIV:
How did Armstrong stand on that? It looks way to small.

jimbthepilot:
Hey, God… You didn’t build that!

ealye:
It’s not fair for one man to walk on the moon and not everyone else.
Cancel the space program!

Manolo:
Hey buddy, could you get my Big Gulp for me? I left it on the roof of
the white Lexus over there. Thanks. What’s that? Neil Armstrong died?
Who?

Bob in Feenicks:
A crescent moon and star. Boy, that takes me back to my days in the madrassa.

rodney dill:
(from White House archives)
The first human to set foot on the Earth’s moon has died. Apollo 11 astronaut Neil Armstrong was 82…
President Obama has been frequently mooned by Joe Biden.

rodney dill:
That’s no moon!

terryo:
What the hell is that and why haven’t I taxed it yet?

Conservatarian:
Goodnight moon
Goodnight room
Goodnight Joe, acting like a buffoon
Goodnight freedom
Goodnight Michelle and this crazy diet she’s got me eatin’
Goodnight sovereignty
Goodnight Capitalism
Goodnight common sense
And goodnight Joe Biden blabbering nonsense
Goodnight America
Goodnight individualism everywhere

CTCompromise:
Moon, on behalf of all Americans, I would like to apologize to you for
the invasion of your sovereign area.

Bacon to you all. And thanks again to all who contributed.

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Link of the Day: Best Romney/Ryan Campaign Event EVER!

[High Praise! to Innominatus]

R R R R R R

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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I Have a Feeling That a Lot of Navy SEALs Will Actually Participate in This

[via CBS]

According to the story, this billboard is in Texas.

Oddly, Dennis Miller had a caller today who said there’s one just like it in Indiana, too.

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Chair and chair alike

Clint Eastwood’s talk — it wasn’t a speech — at the Republican National Convention went over either great, horrible, or okay, depending on who you talk to.

More on the right than on the left liked it. But even Bill Maher liked it, kinda. Didn’t like what Eastwood said, but he liked Eastwood’s approach.

But, I wonder if this will start a trend.

An empty chair to represent Obama.

What other furniture, appliances, or household items might represent others in the Obama administration? How would you represent Joe Biden? Or Hillary Clinton? Or George Soros?

Looking for ideas. Best one gets … HIGH PRAISE!

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You Know All Those Roads That Obama’s So Proud of?…

[High Praise! to Spootville]

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I have had it with these m*****f****** spiders on this m*****f****** plane

Yeah, I never saw that Snakes on a Plane movie. But I heard about it. That kinda contributed to me not wanting to see it.

But now some lady has sued Delta because of … Spiders On A Plane!

Yep, a woman on a Delta flight was bitten by a spider. That’s three such incidents in the last six years.

What worries me about this — well, other than Spiders On A Plane! — is that the TSA is stopping grandmothers and fondling children, they’re letting spiders through! And a simple pat-down of a spider would solve all the problems of … Spiders On A Plane!

I think Obama is beholding to the spider lobby.

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The Next Step in the Evolution of Obamacare

[High Praise! to SMBC]

I’d like to reiterate that we at IMAO do not approve of children smoking, because they’re not cool enough.

On the bright side, if you’re at IMAO reading this, you ARE cool enough for bacon.

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Football season smack-talk

It’s football season.

Not Arena Football. I worry those guys playing indoor like that might knock over a lamp, and boy will dad be pissed.

Not NFL football. If I want to watch a bunch of over-hyped egos acting like fools, I’ll watch pro wrestling or MSNBC.

Not Canadian football. But it is kinda cute how they think that’s football, eh?

No, I’m talking real football. College football.

You got your Division 1-A (the PC weenies call it FBS, but they’re weenies) where all the big schools play. But you also got your Division 1-AA (what PC weenies call FCS) where the slightly smaller, but still pretty big schools play. They actually have a playoff system, but they’ve expanded it too big and will screw it up like basketball did.

Then, there’s the other division: II and III. That’s where some really good talent plays, plus the players that get kicked off the Georgia squad for getting in fights, drinking, smoking weed, carrying guns, and generally thinking they’ve enrolled at Florida State University at Athens. But besides the screw-ups from Division 1-A, they’ve got some talent at those levels.

There’s also NAIA or something. This is where some good players that couldn’t get scholarships to other schools, or couldn’t afford to get too far from home, play. Still, there’s some real talent there.

Bottom line is: college football is back.

Now, I’m not going to be going on and on about how great the SEC teams are and how the other conferences just don’t measure up. I’ll let the last six national championships say that.

No, I’m offering the fans the chance to sound off about their team in the comments. Be nice. Well, mostly nice.

Oh, heck, it’s football. Just don’t draw any blood. Or not much, anyway.

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Fun Facts About the 50 States: Kentucky

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, it’s time to put the K in KFC, because we’re headed out to Kentucky, so let’s get started…
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In the last vote on the matter, this design narrowly beat out an image of two pickups and a still.

* Kentucky became the 15th state on June 1, 1792, despite the fact that no one in the state can actually count that high.

* The state sport of Kentucky is horse racing, mostly because you can’t lose your license for “riding under the influence”.

* In Kentucky, spitting tobacco juice on someone is considered a friendly greeting, much like the “up yours!” of a New York cabbie.

* Kentucky is one of America’s leading coal-mining states. Coal miners are easily recognizable by their almost Frenchman-like layer of black filth.

* While attending church services in Kentucky, remember that – traditionally – the collection plate is passed BEFORE the spittoon.

* They get REALLY upset when you get that wrong.

* The state reality TV show of Kentucky is the Jerry Springer show, or – as it’s known locally – “Southern Survivor”.

* When visiting a Civil War battlefield in Kentucky, try not to laugh out loud if the guide mentions how “we purt’ near won that battle”.

* The state flower of Kentucky is Goldenrod, which should not be confused with that crappy James Bond movie starring Pierce Brosnan.

* The state motto of Kentucky is “United we stand, divided we fall, drunk we pass out.”

* This replaced the old motto of “4 million people, 15 last names”.

* There are no newspapers in Kentucky, as being literate is considered snooty.

* Although Kentucky is bordered by seven different states, Kentuckians rarely shop across state lines, since most stores in other states have firm “no shoes, no teeth, no service” policies.

* Kentucky’s nickname is the Bluegrass state.

* Yeah, we all know grass is GREEN, but if you try to tell THEM that, they’ll think you’re just being snooty.

* Kentucky is the only state in the US where drivers routinely hit their brakes before running over banjo players.

* The electric lightbulb was first demonstrated at the Southern Exposition in Louisville, Kentucky in 1883, but was dismissed by locals as just another passing fad, like horseless carriages and soap.

* Kentucky’s name comes from the Iroquois Indian word “Ken-tah-ten”, which means, “wife… sister… what’s the difference?”

* The state song of Kentucky is the Hee Haw Theme.

* Kentucky has a population of 4 million people, all of whom are nicknamed Bubba.

* Except for the women, of course, who are nicknamed Bubba Mae.

* Or Auntie Mom.

* The state tree of Kentucky is whichever one the Governor drives into while drunk. This week it’s the tulip poplar.

* The Kentucky Derby is the oldest continuously-run horse race in America, and was the inspiration for such other races as the Kentucky Stetson and the Kentucky Yarmulke.

* Heather French became the first Miss America from Kentucky in 1999. She beat out Miss Alabama by correctly answering the question, “What is a toothbrush used for?”

* Colonel Harlan Sanders opened his first fried chicken restaurant in Corbin, Kentucky in 1952. It was hugely successful, unlike his earlier chain of Kentucky Fried Possum.

* Both Abraham Lincoln and Confederate President Jefferson Davis were born in Kentucky. They attended the same school as John Wilkes Booth, who routinely beat them both up and stole their lunch money.

* The song “Happy Birthday To You” was written by two sisters from Louisville, Kentucky in 1893, and was originally titled, “I’m Too Cheap to Buy You a Present”.

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Well, that wraps up the Kentucky edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week I’ll be slogging through the bayous of Louisiana.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go grab me a bucket of KFP.

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[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

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Maintenance underway complete

UPDATE: Maintenance complete. Move along to the real posts. Nothing to see here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We’re performing some maintenance on IMAO right now.

Some functionality won’t work: comments, likes, etc.

Shouldn’t take too long, but we just wanted you to be aware so you won’t think somebody spilled coffee on the server or anything.

See you in a little bit.

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Maintenance notice

UPDATE: Maintenance completed.

Harvey mentioned that we’ve been experiencing some issues with the scheduling of posts. If that doesn’t make sense, here’s the deal:

WordPress (that’s the software on which the blog runs) allows a blog author to schedule a post to appear at some time in the future. And that’s been acting up lately. We don’t know why. If this was a left-wing blog, we could blame George Bush.

Anyway, we’re going to be doing some blog work this weekend, trying to fix it and a couple of other things that aren’t quite as apparent.

Here’s how this affects you.

Part of what we’re gonna do is gonna be tricky. So, we’ll make a backup of everything. And that takes a while.

In order to put the blog in a static state — that is, no changes going on — we’ll be turning off plugins and closing all comments. That means that, for a period of time, maybe a couple of hours, you won’t be able to leave a comment or rate a post. You can still read stuff, but that’s about it.

If that’s too frustrating, you may want to take the time to go punch a hippie or laugh at people with Obama stickers on their car or head over to the firing range or something. Maybe even watch some football. The SEC’s playing. Or you can watch one of the minor conferences like B1G or Pac-12 or something.

Anyway, when we’re done, we’re going to put things back and turn stuff back on and everything will be back to normal.

Well, as normal as anything ever gets around here.

Just letting you know what’s gonna happen. I’ll post a notice when we start, and remove it when we’re done. I just wanted to give you a heads up.

Because we care.

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