Biden Clarifies DNC Speech Gaffe

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[reference link]

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This Is Obama’s Idea of Laser-Like Focus

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Nerdiest Post Ever: Astonishing Math Facts

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1 The number four is the only number with as many letters as its quantity stipulates. Which is good, because if that were true for 427, it would take some time to spell.

2 Lots of people memorize pi to umpteen places (your Czar, for example), but very few people bother with the square root of, say, three. So memorize the first couple of digits, like 1.73, and then make up a whole bunch of random numbers for about 20 minutes. Almost no one will call you on it, despite being totally impressed with you.

3 Another thing to fool people with: tell them “And weirder still is square root of five.” Tell them it starts with 2.23, and then recite your home telephone number, with area code, then your cell phone number with area code. Then tell them your home number and cell phone number to freak them out like one of those BS Lincoln-Kennedy conspiracies, and ask them what the odds are both your phone numbers are found in the square root of five. By the way, if your home and cell phone numbers really are (606) 797-7499 and (789) 696-4091, you’re pretty awesome.
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You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “In the middle of Obama’s DNC speech…“.

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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Bill Clinton Fact Check Fail

[High Praise! to The Looking Spoon]

A lot of people like to talk about “the worst economy since the Great Depression”.

They keep forgetting what Carter did to this country. Liberals like to keep it stuffed down the memory hole, but the fact is, he wrecked the place up pretty darn good.

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Link of the Day: What Clint Eastwood’s Speech REALLY Accomplished

[High Praise! to Shakey Pete’s Shootin’ Shack]

Clint At Eighty-Two

I have not seen this point made anywhere else.

Excerpt:

This goes way beyond what Eastwood said, it’s what we have seen. Eastwood single-handedly got us permission to mock President Thinskin. He will not be able to handle it. When the left (and sometimes the right) hurled invectives about Dubya, he simply did not care. President George W. Bush is a man who is simply comfortable in his own skin. After all, Dubya managed to turn his life around. Dubya worships God and Christ. He went on with what he thought was right. President Obama worships his own reflection. Once this spreads out, Obama is a drunk, lying on the tracks of the Santa Fe, an accident waiting to happen. His own small nature and his hatred of ordinary people will bubble over.

Brilliant.

In a world of plastic sporks, Pete is a razor-honed hunting knife.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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A Moment With Joe Biden: Look for the Union Label

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …so, that’s why I tell everyone that you guys are like family to me. I love the Teamsters. My father was a Teamster. My grandfather was a Teamster. So, don’t anybody dare try to say that Joe Biden doesn’t know the Teamsters! You guys are my family… you’re like family. Ya know, my grandfather was a union guy all his life. I have such fond memories of sitting at our little kitchen table in my parents’ house. And Pop Pop would tell me such great stories about his life, and how proud he was to be in the union. “Joey,” he’d say. “Without the union I don’t know where I’d be.” That’s what he’d say. And, I didn’t care that he never went to college. I didn’t care that he couldn’t read or write very well; he was my granddad and I loved him. God love ‘im. Like most of you, he wasn’t fortunate enough to go to a good college or university, or have skills or talents that would earn a decent job. So, he drove a truck… long haul trucker, because, like most of you, that’s the only skill he had. He could drive a truck. And I always looked up to him. I respected the hell out of him. Here’s a guy that could do such a demeaning, thankless, awful job like driving a truck, day after day, and still be in a good mood when he came home each night. All because of the union. I mean… and it’s the same for you guys. Here you are, doing a job that most people look down on. They say you’re not very intelligent! They call you unskilled labor! Well, I’ll be happy to tell you exactly what I tell them. That what you guys may lack in brains or ingenuity you more than make up for in heart. ‘Cause you guys have heart, let me tell ya. And, that heart and that passion is what drives each and every one of you to overcome any obstacle that having a low-paying, unskilled job may create. That’s what I’m talkin’ about. God bless all of you for doing the work you do…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

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Obama Hates It When We Bring This Up

[High Praise! to Laughing Conservative]

Like the Puppy Blender says, “let’s run that graphic again“.

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The Uncanny O-Men: Chapter One, Part 1

Sometime in the not too distant past…

“It was a dark and stormy night,” typed a small white beagle perched atop a doghouse with an impossibly large slanted roof as a mysterious man in a sleek, futuristic-looking wheelchair ambled by him unnoticed, his rather egg-shaped bald head gleaming brightly in the morning sunlight.

Dr. Charles Lawrence Xavier, VI, a prominent Georgetown University Law Professor and a member of an elite Washington think-tank, was out for his morning “roll” through a section of Georgetown heavily populated by an odd mixture of comic-page characters and young college students.

“Good morning, Charles!” Shouted a sweet-looking little man with a huge head and a grin to match, waving politely as he retrieved the morning paper from his front porch, his little white dog wagging its tail in approval.

“Good morning, Ziggy!” Charles hollered back in mock-plesantry, then muttered under his breath, “Riff-raff!”

Dr. Xavier rambled on until he came to a construction site in Foggy Bottom. After carefully wheeling himself into position in the shadows behind the construction barriers, well out of the public eye, he pushed a series of buttons on the fancy control panel hidden in the armrest of his mobile chair. Slowly, quietly, he and his chair sank beneath the noisy city streets to the secret lair below.

“Ah! At last, Charles! We’ve been waiting for you!” A hooded figure proclaimed as Charles drove himself into view. “The members of the board are waiting, and some of them are growing quite restless!”

“Relax, my old friend,” Replied a smirking Charles, confidently, “I shall soon put all of their fears — and yours — to rest.”

“You’d better! We have an awful lot of time, money and resources tied up in this plan of yours,” the hooded man shot back, “and failure is not an option!”

“Relax, Mr. S, I assure you it will work.” Charles said as a sly chuckle escaped from him.

At the end of a long corridor, a pair of sliding doors opened at the approach of the two men, and they proceeded inside to the well-lit bunker boardroom, where numerous robed and hooded men and women were seated around a huge, fancy wooden table, chattering amongst themselves. The mysterious Mr. S took his seat near the head of the table in a heavily ornate chair. Charles, meanwhile, wheeled himself into position at the very front of the room. A hush came over those gathered and all eyes focused on the man they had entrusted with their considerable combined power and wealth in the hope of finally achieving their dream of altering America… and the rest of the world… forever!

NEXT: A plot is revealed!

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Biden’s Challenge

During Biden’s trip through Ohio this weekend, Captain Happypants got a little defensive about some people not buying everything he’s telling them and issued a challenge to the media to fact check him.

Is that really necessary? I mean, nobody “fact checks” their crazy uncle, because nobody takes him seriously in the first place. But if Biden really wants to be fact cheked, we could probably get some school children to do it. They could easily point out how many letters are in words like “jobs” or what state Biden happens to be in.

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Straight Line of the Day: The Chair Clint Eastwood Talked to…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The chair Clint Eastwood talked to…

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Obama Math

Obama was channeling Biden this morning when he told a crowd in Florida that American manufacturers were making products “marked with three proud words: Made in the U.S.A.”

I’m really starting to see a trend here. I think both the presidential and vice-presidential debates should start out with a few simple math problems, like 2+2, or “how many fingers am I holding up”?

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Dinosaurs and the Geneva Conventions

It’s your quote of the day from How to Fix Everything in America Forever: The Plan to Keep America Awesome. This one is from “Chapter Six: War”:

A concern would be whether dinosaurs blowing up people and eating them might violate the Geneva Conventions. I’m not sure what part, though. Maybe Common Article 5, which mentions the prohibition of using “prehistoric beasts.” I’m pretty sure if we just properly mark all of our dinosaurs with American flags, we’ll be fine. You can talk to an international lawyer about it. I won’t, because that involves two things I don’t like: things that are international (other than houses of pancakes) and lawyers. Oh, and talking. Three things.

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Obama vs Technology

At a campaign stop in Florida, Obama decided it would be be a great bit of publicity to personally phone two of the local campaign’s volunteers and thank them for whatever it is campaign volunteers do…licking stamps or burning people’s Romney signs or something.

So someone handed him an iPhone to make the call. And the President couldn’t figure the blasted thing out.

But when White House trip director Marvin Nicholson handed the president his personal iPhone, Mr. Obama couldn’t get it to work. A reporter who witnessed the scene said the president looked “befuddled.”

“It’s not clear he knows how to dial on an iPhone,” the reporter wrote in a pool report.

It kind of reminds me of his troubles with regular phones too.

I’m guessing calculators are also a toughy. And pretty much anything else that deals with numbers.

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You Mean There’s More Than One Interpretation?

Saw this headline: “Chinese scientists unveil mind-controlled drone”.

My first thought was, “what’s Chris Matthews doing in China?”

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