Look Out! Obama’s Doing Math!

[High Praise! to After Math]

[Original image here]

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“You Didn’t Build That” Blowback Not Even Close to Subsiding

[High Praise! to The Puppy Blender]

From a Romney/Ryan event in Jacksonville, FL

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Just for Fun: Video – Better Names for Things


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #656,316)

Just to stir up political trouble, what pithy, 2-word sign would you slap on President Obama?

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Finally! The Definitive Way to Avoid Accidental Racism

[High Praise! to The Real Revo]

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You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “After a Florida pizzeria owner hugged President Obama… “.

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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Link of the Day: Satire – President Obama To Receive Honorary Green Beret, Induction Into Special Forces Association

[High Praise! to Blackfive and The Duffel Blog]

President Obama To Receive Honorary Green Beret, Induction Into Special Forces Association

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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A Moment With Joe Biden: Dad

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …so my dad’s the one that I have to thank for being here. My dad was the one. And people said he didn’t know what he was talking about. But, he was right. He’s the one that told me… he said, “Joey, this Barack Obama’s gonna be a big F-in’ deal. Oh gosh, I’m sorry. Did I say that out loud? I’m sorry. Oh, and you’ve got kids with you… God bless you, ma’am. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry. But, it’s true. He did. He said, “This Barack Obama is going to be a big deal.” And, my dad never met Obama. In fact, my dad passed away before anyone had ever heard of Barack. But, somehow he knew. Somehow he knew that this clean, articulate, colored fella named Barack Obama was going to come along and be a big deal. And, my dad didn’t like colored people. He was the grandson of a former slave owner. As a child, the only African-Americans I ever saw were the ones that dad would hire to wash our cars. And, he’d tell me, “Joey, you keep an eye on that colored fella, ’cause you just can’t trust ’em.” He didn’t like ’em. He didn’t like most of them. But, somehow he knew… somehow he knew that Barack was one of the good ones. And he was right. And, that’s exactly why you need to vote for Barack Obama. ‘Cause, as my wonderful dad would say, “He’s one of the good ones”

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

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A New Cover for Obama’s Autobiography

[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]

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Punishing with Global Warming

It’s your quote of the day from How to Fix Everything in America Forever: The Plan to Keep America Awesome. This one is from “Chapter Nine: The Environment”:

And there are certain times of year when we just don’t like the temperature outside. With global warming, we can change it. And if another country angers us, we can change its temperature to punish it. “Iceland, you’re now ‘Waterland,’ because we just melted you!”

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Straight Line of the Day: An Unexpected Polling Result…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

An unexpected polling result…

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Vanilla Ice, Teenage Vampires, and Self-Reliance

What? Two columns from Frank J. today? It’s like double Christmas!

Over at PJ Media, I have a column on how the only way we’ll get smaller government is to listen to the words of Vanilla Ice and stop complaining. Whining grows government.

At Townhall, I take on all the talk about whether Obama or Romney will be better for jobs and point out that there better not be anyone actually dumb enough to campaign for one or the other rather than look for a job. Politics is a game we play to pretend to help other people — theoretical other people we only know as statistics. Smart people only rely on themselves for their own needs.

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You Just Have to Ask the Right Questions

A Time Magazine article is claiming that Romney won’t do well in debates with President Carter Obama. While the author’s premise is stupid and dumb, and stupid, it very well could be the case that Romney will do poorly in the debates. That is, if they are hosted by the mainstream media’s more “esteemed” personnel…as they generally are.

Not that such honest and objective journalists would ever conspire to ask certain questions in order to trip up Romney or force a gaffe or two, but if they did so, it could be pretty rough for Mitt.

Consider the following questions:
_______________

* “Governor Romney, in your opinion would the economy do better if President Obama were to stay in office and continue his excellent policies, or would the economy do worse in a Romney administration?”

* “Would you consider your foreign policy experience less than the President’s, or is he simply more experienced than you are?”

* “Governor Romney, which do you like better: Nazis or the KKK?”

* “Could you explain, in detail, how exactly you became such a racist?”

* “Governor, in your opinion, what advantages can your powers to give people murder-cancer bring to the presidency?”

* “Which do you prefer: White people or White peoples?”

* “Governor, when exactly did you begin your war on women, and as a follow up question, how does your wife feel about your hating women?”

* “What is your preferred method for beating orphans?”

* “Governor Romney, do you hate the President because he is black, or because he is only half-white?”

* “Governor, when you laugh at poor people, is it more of a cackle, or a loud guffaw?”
_______________

Whew! Those would really be some tough questions for Mitt. It’s a good thing the media would never try to set him up like that.

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Biggest Threat to National Security: Fat People

It seems that a clear and present danger to our national security has gone almost unnoticed, until now. The FLOTUS (which I assume stands for Fat Lady of the United States) has identified this horrible threat, obesity, calling it “absolutely the greatest threat to our national security”.

That’s right, fat people are the greatest threat facing this nation. Not terrorists. Not our enemies. Not explosive events in the Middle East or crazy governments trying to make nuclear weapons. Not cyber-espionage from Russia or China. Not crazypants North Korea.

Fat people.

Well, as FLOTUS, she ought to know.

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Have you no shame, Mr. Romney?

Mr. Romney, have you no shame?

How dare you point out the incompetence and failed leadership of former foreign aid student Barack Obama?

What’s next? Are you going to say that just because he skipped all the intelligence briefings for the last week, he wasn’t prepared for the attacks on our embassies?

The president was correct to condemn your statements hours before he condemned the terrorist attacks.

The biggest threat to America isn’t people trying to kill Americans, or even people who actually rape and murder our ambassadors. It’s people who say that an incompetent president is incompetent.

Whew!

Wow. It’s hard work trying to think like a Democrat. There’s no way I could do that full time.

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On the Embassy Attacks

Over at Nuking Politics, Stav Blackmane puts his feelings regarding the embassy attacks into haiku form.

Related: Irritable Pundit warned about the Muslim Brotherhood back before it was hip & trendy.

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