Hey, There’s a Good Reason Biden’s Audience Was So Small

During a campaign stop in Ohio, Vice President Joe Biden addressed a tiny crowd of only 700 people.

To be fair, the outside of the building just got painted and a lot of people were watching it dry.

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This Is Why Obama Shouldn’t Blame Bush

[High Praise! to A Trainwreck in Maxwell]

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The Worst Thing Ever Said by a Democrat

[High Praise! to The Astute Bloggers]

Elizabeth Warren: “Ted Kennedy Changed My Life . . . I Think Of Him Every Single Day”…:

“Ted Kennedy changed my life,” Warren said. “He changed how I understood what it is that a public servant does. And I think of him in this race every single day. And I come to this convention and I think of him every single hour.”


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Obama on Unemployment: Then and Now

[High Praise! to SooperMexican]

Sorry, Barack, but the internet has replaced the Memory Hole.

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You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “ For his upcoming appearance on Letterman, president Obama…“.

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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Link of the Day: Satire: PETI Protests DNC Treatment of Bedbugs

[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]

PETI Protests DNC Treatment of Bedbugs

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Pop Quiz: How to Tell if You’re a Real American

Hunter of Nuking Politics [High Praise!] has a follow-up to his previous post.

Again, excerpting wouldn’t do it justice. Just read. Should only take you a couple minutes.

But they’ll be the best 2 minutes of your day.

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A Moment With Joe Biden: Job Creation

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …Ya know, I met a man in Houston, Texas the other day, while we were making our way through the Midwest, and he told me a story. He said, “Joe, before Barack Obama got elected I was struggling. I was hurtin’, man,” that’s what he said. And, he said, “But Joe, since Barack Obama got elected everything has changed for me and my family. I now have a great career. I’m a distributor of hundreds of products…cleaning products, skincare products, cookware, all kinds of wonderful products, working for this revolutionary company. And, the way it works is, I recruit eight or ten new salespeople and put them to work for me… give them jobs. Then they recruit eight or ten more salespeople who work for them. Then they recruit eight or ten more, and so on, and so on. And every time one of them makes a sale we all make money. And, that’s just the kind of forward thinking, the kind of new ideas that have been developed under Barack Obama. A new model for doing business. And, these are the kind of jobs that are possible for everyone under this administration. These are the types of jobs didn’t exist under George W. Bush…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

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R. Lee Ermey Is Back!

[High Praise! to The Right Way]

The video itself is no big deal, it’s only a PSA to encourage military members to vote.

I’m just posting it because it’s awesome hearing Gunny say “Private Numbnuts” (which is as NSFW as it gets in this vid)

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #3822)

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The Uncanny O-Men: Chapter Two, Part 1

We rejoin our story a number of years later, where we find a triumphant Dr. Charles Lawrence Xavier, VI, attending a victory celebration for the newly elected President…

A beaming Charles wheeled his chair onto the stage behind the newly elected Vice President, who had just taken to the podium to address the adoring crowd.

“I’m not so sure it was wise to make that BIDEN thing you created the Vice President,” a concerned David Axelrod, Presidential Campaign Advisor, whispered into his ear as BIDEN began speaking to the assembled multitude.

“Yes, well, we had to insure no one would be tempted to harm the President,” replied Charles. He then began to chuckle as he added, “and who in their right mind would ever risk doing so when it would put that thing in charge of the country?”

Axelrod laughed, “Yes, yes, I see your point, Charles! Touché!”

The BIDEN android [Blithering Idiot Disseminating Endless Nonsense] had been created several years earlier after a freak plagiarism accident had maimed a once promising young Senator from Delaware. In a miracle of bio-engineering, Charles and a couple of solid B+ students from the DeVry Institute of Technology had managed to save his head and attach it to a small, floating, android-like body cobbled together using parts from a ’74 Gremlin and a Cuisinart. Unfortunately, the massive brain damage that had occurred during the Senator’s birth many years earlier in Scranton, Pennsylvania, proved to be irreversible.

“…And where would we be today without this guy?” BIDEN uttered, turning to look in Charles’ direction and pointing at him from the podium as he continued his victory speech. I just want to take a moment to say, thanks for all you’ve done for the cause, Chuck!”

‘Chuck?’ thought a horrified Charles, ‘Did he just call me… Chuck???’ He looked BIDEN directly in the eyes and began frantically waving his hands and shaking his head ‘No!’ from his wheelchair.

BIDEN, however, continued unabated, “Stand up, Chuck, let ’em see ya! Oh, God love ya, what am I talking about? I’ll tell you what, you’re making everybody else stand up though, pal. I’ll tell ya what, stand up for Chuck!”

Charles faked a smile and nodded to the crowd, waving his hands politely, all the while wondering if making BIDEN the V.P. was a truly dreadful mistake after all.

Suddenly, an older gentleman climbed onto the stage unexpectedly from out of the crowd. As the Secret Service rushed in to surround him, BIDEN thought that he may actually recognize the man.

“Say, aren’t you Marvel Comics legend Stan Lee?” Inquired BIDEN.

“Yes, yes I am!…,” Replied the older gentleman.

“Hey, look, everybody,” hollered an excited BIDEN to the crowd, “Stan Lee is making his customary cameo appearance!”

The crowd cheered for Stan Lee.

“No, no, no!” Protested an obviously distraught Mr. Lee, “I’m here to put a stop to this outrage! I can’t just sit by and watch you people make such a mess of my life’s work. Quite frankly, it makes me want to vomit!”

Just then, several more burly Secret Service Agents descended on Stan Lee and quickly began dragging him off the stage.

“Aw, God love ya, Stan!” Interjected BIDEN, “Maybe we can vomit for you. Alright, everybody, I’ll tell ya what, upchuck for Stan!”

NEXT: The new President has arrived!

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Straight Line of the Day: Obama Had a Security Camera Installed…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Obama had a security camera installed…

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The Hard and Perfect Answer to Ridiculous Liberal Assertions

Hunter of Atomic Monkey Action Squad (who is now co-blogging at Nuking Politics) has one of those essays that features something eloquent and succinct that needs to become part of your daily lexicon.

However, because of the way the essay is structured, any attempt by me to excerpt it would lessen its impact.

I’ll have to ask you to trust me that reading it will make you happy.

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A Reminder to Obama on the Meaning of the 2012 Election

[High Praise! to The Last Refuge]

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