Video: Chuck Woolery Breaks the Cracker Code

[High Praise! to Call Me Stormy]

I had no idea the guy leaned right. This is awesome:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #6,293)

I know Pat Sajak is a Tea Partier. Where’s Alex Trebek sit on the political spectrum?

UPDATE: Les of Brick Moon [High Praise!] got what I was implying and added supportive linkage in the comments:

Why Game-Show Hosts Vote Republican

Send to Kindle

How to Cover a Presidential Blunder

[High Praise! to I’m a Man! I’m 41!]

Send to Kindle

Down the Rabbit Hole With Obama

[High Praise! to Seanmahair]

So now it’s time to ask, who is really in charge at Defense? Have the joint chiefs been effectively neutered? Have we entered the Looking Glass only to find the Jabberwocky is actually in charge and bent on destroying all we love and hold dear. Who will come to our aid and pick up the “vorpal” sword? The cast of characters is stark:

Mad Hatter – Joe Biden

White Rabbit – Harry Reid

Red Queen – Michele Obama (and from the Disney version her small, insignificant husband, Barack)

Cheshire Cat – Bill Clinton

Walrus and the Carpenter – Barney Frank and Chris Dodd

Caterpillar – little Georgie Soros

and the star of our show the Jabberwock – the bloated leviathan of the federal government.

Send to Kindle

Liberal Media Priorities

[High Praise! to Liberal Logic 101]

Send to Kindle

Link of the Day: Making Contributions to The Obama Presidential Library

[High Praise! to The Looking Spoon]

Making Contributions to The Obama Presidential Library

Lots of great pictures in this one.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Send to Kindle

You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “How do you confuse President Obama?“.

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Send to Kindle

A Moment With Joe Biden: Safe & Legal

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …Ya know, a lovely young lady testified before Congress a few months ago; her name was Sandra Fluke. And, this courageous young gal took time out from her busy college studies to go before Congress and tell them how Mitt Romney wants to take away her birth control. Can you imagine? Take away her birth control. But it’s true, this is what they want to do. You know, my mother – God bless her – she didn’t have access to all the fine services women have available today. In her day there was no Planned Parenthood to help out women in need. It was so hard for women of her generation to get an abortion, or oftentimes, even birth control. I was the first of four children. My father was struggling. He worked at several jobs… a hardworking man. But, like a lot of young couples, they were struggling to get by. And here my mother discovers that she’s pregnant. Wow. And, like I said, in those days they didn’t have these wonderful Planned Parenthood clinics. Looking back, it seems like the stone ages, but that’s the way it was. She didn’t have the option to get a legal abortion in a safe, clean clinic. So, she was stuck. Suddenly they were saddled with a baby. They weren’t ready for that. And now, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan want to turn back the clocks on all women. They wanna take away your right to a legal abortion, take away your birth control. I’m here to tell ya’, that’s just wrong. I only wish my mother could have had the available services in her day that exist for women today…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

Send to Kindle

Pretty Sure the Middle East Has Bigger Problems Than Cartoons

A French newspaper has published some cartoons and now basically the whole Middle East is in lock down over that because it’s a very serious place filled with serious people. And while the French government has advised against publishing the cartoons, it has emphasized the paper’s right to do so, so that’s one the French government has over ours right now.

If we were serious about freedom of speech, every time there was violence in the Middle East over speech, we would do pretty much nothing but publish stuff insulting to Islam. Thus we’d send the message, if you want us to respect Islam, don’t be violent. Instead, most people seem to want to send the opposite message.

Of course, I solve the Middle East problem in my new book. If we could only rid them of that cursed oil, I bet they’d have peace. Or we’d care less if they didn’t.

Send to Kindle

I Am Powerless Against This Threat

[High Praise! to It’s Big Fur Hat]

Send to Kindle

The Pledge of Allegiance to the Obama Flag

I assume you’ve seen the Obama flag Obama has been printing on shirts and stuff:

So of course I was wondering, “How does the pledge to the Obama flag go?”

My best guess is you put your left hand over your heart and say this:

I pledge allegiance to the Flag of Barack Hussein Obama, and to the change for which it stands, one Nation under debt, extremely whiny, with redistribution and free birth control for all.

Send to Kindle

Straight Line of the Day: Obama Was Seen Desperately Searching the Oval Office…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Obama was seen desperately searching the Oval Office…

Send to Kindle

The Full Transcript of Obama’s “You Can’t Change Washington from the Inside” Statement

While talking with Univision, Obama said, “The most important lesson I’ve learned is you can’t change Washington from the inside.” So the most important lesson he learned is that is whole “Change!” slogan was naive malarkey? I guess that’s something worth learning.

Anyway, I don’t want to take him out of context, so here’s the transcript of the entire exchange:

The most important lesson I’ve learned is you can’t change Washington from the inside. I mean, I’ve tried to do stuff, but it’s like super hard and really tiring and people yell at me and I’m like, “Oh man; I don’t know what I’m doing.” Like I tried to make jobs — sort of — but I don’t really get how you do that from government. Like, I suggested maybe we hire another janitor at the White House, but that’s only like one job. I guess to make lots of jobs, you need to like make a business, but that involves numbers and stuff and I hate those. So, it’s like I can’t do anything as president but play golf — which I really like because it’s quiet out there and people don’t yell at me. I think I’m just going to play golf in my next term and stop trying to do stuff, because stuff is hard.

Now don’t misunderstand me; I don’t want this to be like when people didn’t understand my “you didn’t build that” statement. What I was trying to say there is that you can’t build things and if you said so you’re a liar. What builds things is a giant with a fish head that has magical iron hands. You understand? You don’t look like you understand. Sorry, I’ve been hitting the choom a bit lately and I might be a bit confused. I think I need to lay down.

[Obama gets down from chair and lies on ground]

Presidenting is hard. It’s makes me sleepy. And hungry. Can someone make a burrito run? You’re like all Latino; someone has to know where to get a good burrito. Taco Bell is fine, though. I’m so tired, though. I’m going to take a nap. Can someone tell me how smart I am? It helps me go to sleep.

Man, he needs to stick to a teleprompter.

Send to Kindle

Random Thoughts: Obama Couldn’t Build That

So we’ve got the new flag and the “For all!” chant, but what’s the Obama salute look like?

Beavers scare me. Have you seen the damage they can do to a tree? They’re nature’s chainsaws.

I can only assume they can cut the legs out from under you in seconds.

Heh. “Me hi-orny.”

Let’s help Obama change Washington.

This is an unfair attack by conservatives because they don’t actually want Obama to change Washington.

Obama: “You can’t make jobs from inside Washington. You can’t lower gas prices. You can’t really do anything here but golf.”

“I love Washington!”

In Obamacare, requesting music like “Nickelback” on Pandora signs you up for a death panel.

“Presidenting is hard. I just want to hang with the Choom Gang and play hacky sack.

Previously, Obama said “You didn’t build that.” Now he’s basically said, “I didn’t build that.” Who’s going to build it?

We’re still pretending the terrorist attack was about a video no one heard of?

After three Max Payne games, it’s safe to say that slow motion diving into a group of enemies while firing two guns never gets old.

“A man with nothing to lose. Do not cross.” I loved that mouse pad.

The whole state of Idaho is on fire. That’s the Obama administration for you.

If we’re going after movies that might cause murderous rage, can we lock up Kristen Stewart?

Why can’t we just all agree that the government is full of awful people so put them in charge of as little as possible?

I still don’t know about Amazon having Kindle Fires at prices where you could get an iPad instead. My wife’s Kindle Fire was pretty good… for a tablet $300 cheaper than the cheapest iPad.

“Isn’t Superman part of Marvel comics?” I have a horrible wife.

So the Middle East had a bunch of riots over that Gangnam Style video? Did they find out who was responsible for it?

Send to Kindle

One Good Thing About the Chicago Teachers

A new report shows that nearly 40% of Chicago public school teachers put their own kids in private schools.

Well, at least public schools taught somebody something.

Send to Kindle

What Democrats believe

CBS reports that only 15% of Democrats believe the economic news is bad.

Now, I know that math doesn’t seem to apply to Democrats. But it does. So, this means that 85% of Democrats either believe the economy is doing just fine — or at least don’t think it’s doing badly.

A Democrat takes a look at the high unemployment rate, which is even higher than reported if you take into account people who’ve given up looking for work, and figures things are going smoothly.

A Democrat sees gas prices twice what they were when Obama took office and thinks that’s just peachy.

A Democrat sees banks closing and thinks that’s just chock full of awesome.

What else might someone like that believe?

  • The tooth fairy.
  • MSNBC.
  • Free lunch.
  • Bigfoot.
  • Elvis working at a Burger King.
  • Fire won’t melt steel.
  • Bush blew up the towers.
  • Bush blew up the levees.
  • Aliens at Roswell.
  • Obama is qualified for … anything.
  • Magic.
  • Squirrels are actually spies working for the Mole People.
  • You can borrow your way out of debt.
  • Those people trying to kill us? They’re really, really nice.
  • The Moon Landing was faked.
  • The birth certificate is real.

Okay, maybe they’re right about one of those things.

Damn squirrels.

Send to Kindle