Well, This Certainly Explains the Benghazi Attack

US Ambassador to the United Nations Susan Rice said the attack on the American consulate in Benghazi was “not premeditated”.

Sure. Some guy was just taking his grenade launcher for a walk & got caught up in the moment.

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Ronald Reagan Has 3 Important Words for Obama

[High Praise! to The Looking Spoon]

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Why The Middle East Is Doomed in 2 Sentences

[High Praise! to The Gormogons]

what hope is there for freedom in cultures that don’t necessarily reject freedom of speech, but can’t even conceive of it?
[…]
the typical Egyptian protestor is as unswayed by discussions of the range of acceptable free speech as a badger would be impressed by your algebra homework

I recommend the whole thing.

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Another Sign That Obama Doesn’t Stand a Chance

[High Praise! to The Last Refuge]

You didn’t see this kind of stuff in 2008.

Game over, Barack. We’re not afraid of you, and we sure as hell ain’t gonna take it anymore.

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You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Obama was seen desperately searching the Oval Office… “.

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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Link of the Day: Why Guns Matter

[High Praise! to One Happy Dog Speaks]

An email from my mom about guns

This may or may not actually be written by the person named in the header, but the words ring true, so it doesn’t matter who wrote it.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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A Moment With Joe Biden: The Truth About Atlanta

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …The other day we were at a stop in Atlanta, and as most of you know it gets pretty cold in the state of Atlanta. And, I was talking with some of the locals and I met a fella named Tom Hill… nice guy. And, I said to him, “Tom, I can’t help but notice how warm it is here today.” And, he said, “Joe, it’s always this hot here in September now.” And, it blew me away. Here we are in the coldest state in the United States, I mean you’re up by the North Pole there, and it had to be 80 degrees. I was wearing short sleeves and was sweating. And, meanwhile, I hear about Mitt Romney making a speech at the RNC convention where he’s making fun of people who are trying to do something about global warming. I mean, maybe he needs to talk to Sarah Palin, who used to be the governor of Atlanta… I think even she would have to tell him, “Hey Mitt, it’s not supposed to be this warm here.” I mean, c’mon, wake up, man. How dumb can you be?…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

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Scientists New Evil Scheme

Scientists have given monkeys brain implants that make them smarter. I assume this is some sort of blackmail scheme. “And we’ll keep making monkeys smarter until you give us a $100 million ‘don’t research’ grant.” At least I hope that’s what this is.

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Maybe This Is What Obama Meant?

[High Praise! to Stupid Is a Five Letter Word (NSFW)]

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The Hopeful Thud of Hitting Bottom

According to the U.S. census, the economy may have bottomed out. It’s like in Minecraft where if you keep digging, you eventually hit impregnable bedrock and can’t dig any further. But Obama didn’t find diamonds down there, only creepers.

Everyone understand Minecraft analogies, right?

So how does this work with Obama’s car analogy? The Republicans drove the car into a ditch, and now Obama has somehow managed to get the car to the bottom of the Mariana Trench. So, good news, everyone: It can’t get any worse. Maybe it will even get better. Or we could just kind of sit here a while.

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Straight Line of the Day: This Will Probably Make the Muslims Riot…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

This will probably make the Muslims riot…

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Remember to Be Awesome

So in my new book I talk a lot about being awesome and how you have to punch your inner hippie, but I just don’t see enough awesomeness these days. Everyone is all focused on this election coming up like that’s some super huge deal. What we’ll be electing is the head of the U.S.’s government, i.e., the head of the least important part of America. Sure, we want to punish incompetence there, but that doesn’t always happen. And no matter what, it’s on the people not in government to make this country great. The politicians will always be an obstacle to that to some degree or another, but we’re going to have to trounce those obstacles and be awesome anyway because that’s what we do as Americans. We wake up each morning and punch the day in the face. Because we own the day.

So, yes we want Obama thrown out of office, yelled at, and then spat upon because that’s the only way he’ll learn that he sucks and needs to stop doing that, but let’s not blow out of proportion how much that affects us. We’re Americans. We’ve entrusted by our fore fathers with awesomeness and we must wield that every day to the best of our ability. And only by demonstrating awesomeness each day in our own lives can people then see that Obama and his hippie followers suck in comparison. Remember: It’s not elect the right guy and then the country gets to be awesome; we need to be an awesome country and then the rest will fall into place.

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Random Thoughts: Taxes and Charity

Can’t wait to scrutinize Romney’s tax returns to see if there’s anything in there that proves Obama isn’t a horrible president.

Watching a Youtube video, I got an ad for a local Idaho prop issue. Normally I would never see those since I don’t watch local TV. Thought it was kind of cool they finally figured out how to reach me.

So Romney voluntarily started paying more in taxes when his taxes came under scrutiny, and Obama started giving more to charity.

If you want to know who is greedier, look at Obama’s charitable contributions before he knew his taxes were going to be scrutinized.

For the record, paying more taxes than you legally need to is weird and I’m against that. I’d rather you just burn the money.

If the left really thought Romney didn’t have a chance, then they’d act less bitter and hateful.

If the left ever start acting reasonable and nice to opponents on the right, gird your loins.

Everyone here gives away at least 10% of their money to charity, right?

Has Harry Reid’s imaginary friend Petey weighed in on Romney’s tax returns yet?

You’d think birthers are the craziest conspiracy theorists, but then are those who think Obama is doing a good job with the economy.

I enjoyed book 4 of Game of Thrones, but I also see why people would be enraged to have to wait 5 years for the next book. It was interesting… just not much happened. Slower paced like Lord of the Rings.

I couldn’t write like that. Every chapter needs to end on something exciting, and I’d bore myself writing long descriptions like that.

BTW, is there any way to get a Kindle to open to a cover of a new book instead of jumping straight to the text? I don’t know who are reading on Kindles who are in such a rush that they need to jump straight to the text.

The thing, my Obama book could be irrelevant in a couple months, but my new book will be relevant FOREVER.

I know there’s still at least 2 more books of Game of Thrones to be published, but I think it’s pretty obvious it’s supposed to be purgatory.

My next big focus will be getting a novel published. That will be a big learning experience, I’m sure. I have one novel SarahK is helping me finish the edits to and another I’m 70,000 words into the first draft.

Obama: “People misconstrued my point. I was trying to say that all the things I promised before I was elected I’m incapable of doing.”

Why is the sky never green? At sunset it goes from blue to red, which according to a rainbow it should have to pass through green to do.

Idea for Twitter: You tell it topics you don’t care about, and it automatically removes tweets related to those topics from your timeline.

Not talking about anything you people are tweeting, though. I care about everything you say and feel personally enriched for having read it.

Finally watched the movie Super 8 on Netflix. Disappointed it wasn’t one of many sequels to Joe Pesci’s The Super.

On standby for jury duty today, so everyone in Boise, please don’t murder each other. Or at least don’t get caught this week.

iPad mini: “It’s like an iPad, but smaller. …No, not an iPod Touch.”

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Life Under Obama Is Like a Fairy Tale

[High Praise! to Sondrakistan]

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