This Is Why Obama Hates Paul Ryan

[High Praise! to LMAObama]

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A Petty, Cheap-Shot at Nancy Pelosi (No Apologies)

[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]

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This Is So Unfair

A new report shows that Mining School graduates now earn more than Harvard grads.

That seems really unfair. Obama graduated from Harvard and look at the hole he dug us into.

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The Biggest Difference Between Reagan and Obama

[High Praise! to American Digest]

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You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Obama plans to replace the NFL’s replacement refs…“.

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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Link of the Day: Satire – Obama on the Golf Course

[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]

And Barry Wept: An Excerpt Part 2

I find myself linking Nuking Politics a lot lately, but that’s because NP has become the last refuge of right-wing text-based humor on the internet.

Or, God willing, the first of its return.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Wisdom of the Day: Identical Warren Quran Prophet Crush

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A Moment With Joe Biden: Just Imagine

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …just like in our local Caldor back home, the department store where I do a lot of my shopping. I’m in there at least once a week and everyone knows me. And, they know me as “Joe.” Not Vice-President Biden, or Senator Biden, but just plain ol’ “Joe.” They’re my friends, my neighbors. And, I was in there last week and I ran into an old buddy of mine who I played football with back in high school. And, we were laughing and having such a great time, talking about the old days and swapping stories about our time back in Archmere… Archmere Academy. And then, suddenly he paused… just stops talking and looks me straight in the eye, and he said, “Joe, I’m worried about this Mitt Romney. He’s not like you, Joe. He’s not ready for the public stage. He’s a loose cannon. I mean, you just never know what this guy’s gonna say next. We can’t have Romney or this Paul Ryan going out in front of microphones saying whatever crazy things pop into their heads.” And he’s right. Imagine if I were to step in front of this microphone and say something that might embarrass this country, or myself. That would be a big F&(^%-ing deal…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

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Michelle Obama Is Trying to Kill Your Children

I don’t like to sound paranoid, but really the only explanation for what Michelle Obama is doing is that she’s try to make our children so weak through malnutrition that they’ll be unable to resist doing whatever the government tells them.

We’ve seen how the government is at everything else; when you put them in control of a basic everyday like eating, there is going to be mass suffering. If the government also takes on breathing, we’re all going to die.

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Rudolph the Red State Reindeer

[High Praise! to Duke of Earl for the link and the title]

Deer repeatedly attacks Obama yard sign

I feel a song coming on:

Rudolph, the red state reindeer
hated an Obama sign
stupid thing kept him from grazing
now they’ve really crossed the line

All of the other yard signs
never bothered him at all
But the one that’s for Obama
Man, that sucker’s got to fall

Then one foggy summer morn
Rudolph came to say:
“Sign that keeps me from the grass
I am going to kick your ass”

Rudolph really tore that sign up
Almost like he meant to say,
Rudolph the red-state reindeer,
Backs Mitt Romney all the way!

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The Future Should Belong to the Free

So I saw that Osama released a tape with the very threatening statement, “The future must not belong to those who slander the prophet of Islam!” And I was like, “I thought he was dead.” But then I saw it wasn’t Osama, it was Obama. I just assumed it was Osama because that sounds exactly like something a terrorists wearing a mask would say in front of some flag with a crescent on it. But no, that was the president at the U.N. What the what?

Why, in a free country, are we caring so much about what people say about Islam? Whether people say, “I love Islam!” or “Islam is horrible!” is everyone’s prerogative and not the government’s concern unless violence is involved. At least that was the idea when even the left liked to pretend they respected the freedom of speech, but we’re finally seeing some mass movement against that. There were a number of people talking about the guy who made that stupid Islam film being arrested for his speech, and now Slate has an article talking about how the First Amendment isn’t all that great.

This is what happens, people, when we become a nation of sissies. We decide freedom is just too scary to have. I mean, free speech makes people yell at us, so maybe we should limit it. In my new book (which I recommend everyone buy and read), I talk about how to end childhood sissiness so the next generation will be more capable than us to deal with awesomeness and freedom. Right now, each generation is getting softer, and now we’re becoming too wimpy for freedom. Freedom solves most problems, but the one it doesn’t solve is being a coward.

The future belongs to people who aren’t a bunch of ninnies. Obama is leading us down a path to obsolescence.

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Straight Line of the Day: Michelle Obama’s New School Lunch Menu…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Michelle Obama’s new school lunch menu…

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Election FAQ

Over at PJ Media, I have an FAQ on election explaining their history, voter fraud, ID requirements and everything else you need to know to go out and vote.

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Random Thoughts: Who Does the Future Belong To?

You know, by definition, all Christians think Muhammad was a blasphemous nut.

Wait, did Obama really say, “The future must not belong to those who slander the prophet of Islam”? Huh?

Remember when Democrats got the presidency and a huge majority in Congress and the result was a progressive utopia?

“THE FUTURE MUST NOT BELONG TO THOSE WHO SLANDER THE PROPHET OF ISLAM” sounds more Osama than Obama.

Maybe the ghost of Osama has taken over Obama since he blames him for his death, which is silly since Obama had little to do with it.

The schools that need corporal punishment the most are colleges. HIPPIE PUNCHING!

Obama is going to pivot to jobs again as soon as he masters dancing Gangnam style.

When I’m rich one day I’m going to be so much meaner than I am now.

Biden: “Republicans think ‘compromise’ is a four letter word. But it’s not. I estimate it to be about a twenty-seven letter word.”

I don’t know much about predicting politics other than to be suspicious of anything Dick Morris says.

The biggest problem in America is sissiness. Freedom is hard, so people are wanting to give it up.

The ones who respond to ridicule with violence are the ones most in need of ridicule.

Everyone following me has already bought my book, right?

Do journalists see the possible downside to turning against the 1st Amendment?

The future must not belong to those who slander the winter sport curling.

“Let’s be honest here: I was a failure these past 4 years. And I’ll be a failure the next 3. But the 8th year of my presidency: watch out.”

It’s not illegal to slander Islam, but you’ll be put on double secret probation. Also, no more future for you.

Obama: “The murder of our ambassador and other Americans is an outrage that– **yawn** Oh, I’m so sleepy.”

Maybe if we weren’t so obsessed with the 1st Amendment, guns, and freedom in general, Europe would like us more.

They need to institutionalize Mr. Noodle; I don’t think he’s capable of caring for himself. #SesameStreet

And Abby Cadabby needs to be locked away forever. I don’t know on what charge. Make something up.

Elmo being after my time, I thought I’d really hate him, but I don’t have hate leftover after Abby Cadabby.

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The Liberal Point vs. The Conservative Response

[High Praise! to Irritable Pundit]

Hopefully this will be the first in a series. If you like it, visit Irritable Pundit and tell him so.

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