Barack Obama, movie star

Posted on September 14, 2012 7:00 am

Barack Obama needs a job. You see, he’s never had a real job. Oh, sure, he’s had made-up jobs like “community organizer” but he’s never done anything that’s real or useful. Yeah, he was a state legislator, but all they have to do is say “yes” or “no” when bills come up for a vote, but he couldn’t even get that correct. He voted “present” a lot.

Now, he’s in the most important job in the world, and is doing like you’d expect: he sucks at it. He has no idea what he’s doing, and the only time he’s not screwing things up is when he’s actually taking a vacation and playing golf.

You may be wondering why he never got a job playing golf for a living, but there’s a real good reason: he’s so bad at it that he’d starve. We’d have another homeless Obama running around, and goodness knows there are enough of them scattered all across the globe. So he plays golf for fun. I can only assume he plays president for fun, too. I mean, if he hated it because he sucked at it so bad, there are a lot of people who would gladly do the job … and do it better.

Of course, his doing a piss-poor job as president won’t last forever. He’ll be needing a new job come late January. Whatever will he do?

I’m thinking he’s planning to go into show business, become a movie star. He’s already hanging around the Hollywood crowd, and I think part of he reason is to get into the movies. Plus, movie people don’t really do anything useful. They’re good for a laugh, and when their job makes you cry, it’s not over anything real. So, perfect for Obama.

What kind of role could he play? Well, if they ever do a remake of D. W. Griffith’s Birth of a Nation, he could play the role of an 1871 South Carolina Reconstruction legislator.

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Maybe, though, that’s not the best decision. Perhaps you can help. What would be a good movie role for Obama?

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19 Responses to “Barack Obama, movie star”

  1. FormerHostage says:

    Old Yeller’
    (mostly for the last scene)

    A remake of Dumb and Dumber
    (He and Joe could thumb wrestle to determine who gets the lead role)

    Captain Louis Renault

  2. Travelwise42 says:

    Should the “Ted Bundy Story” ever make it to the big screen BHO would be perfect for the lead role.

    Bundy was able to run up his score of murdered coeds by being smooth, nicely dressed, articulate and likable. After seeing BHO try and throw a baseball and drive a golf ball I’m sure he’d need a stand-in to do the head bashing with a 2×4. All in all though he fills the bill of a glib, friendly, charlatan with a low IQ who also needs to exterminate those that don’t do exactly as he says!

    He’s not good enough at math to do “The Bernie Madoff Story”!

  3. buckhorn_cortez says:

    He could play Bernie in a remake of “Weekend at Bernie’s.” Although, I’m not sure he has the same level of skill that Ted Kiser showed as a dead body…

  4. Bryan Ewbank says:

    The perfect role for Prez BHO is playing the Governor, opposite Robert Guillaume, in the television series Benson

  5. Larry E says:

    Oh — a carpetbagger! Very apropos.

    (I almost said “Dig it!” Excuse me.)

  6. Jimmy says:

    Captain Queeg in the Caine Mutiny.

  7. FormerHostage says:

    @Jimmy – not Queeq. He was just a guy who was past his prime and over his head. BHO should play Lt. Keefer – a know-it-all weasel, marking time, talking others into trouble, and then ducking responsibility but still showing up to the party as if he was welcome.

  8. Son of Bob says:

    Well, Hollywood actors are people who pretend to be people who actually accomplished something. That’s pretty much the definition of Barry Obama.

  9. Jimmy says:

    You are soooo correct, FormerHostage.

    Go immediately to the fridge and obtain BACON!

  10. Writer says:

    He could attempt to play Booger in Revenge of the Nerds remake.

  11. Ogrrre says:

    Gentlemen, you forget one thing about acting: Obama would have to be able to deliver his lines without a teleprompter. This would mean he would have to memorize lines. President Junky has done so much choom and blow, that his ability to form a coherent sentence without being able to read directly from a teleprompter is nil. Without a teleprompter, Il Douche is a SCOAMF; with a teleprompter he just doesn’t stutter, but he’s still a COAMF.
    Basil, do you really think that Obama, even with geological epochs of time to study his lines, would be able to competently perform as an actor?

  12. plentyobailouts says:

    Mudflap in the remake of B.J. and the bear

    shoeshine boy number three in the sequel of Lindsay Lohan and the Mall of America

    Speed bump in the latest remake of Gone in 60 Seconds

  13. James says:

    They could do a film “Weekend at Barack’s” and let Chris Matthews and Jay Carney run the whole show.

  14. Dohtimes says:

    He could start small, doing commercials, maybe playing a chair in an office furniture ad.

  15. tanstaafl says:

    a movie version of “sergeant bilko” with obama in the title role

  16. Lisa Ross says:

    A Klingon? A Borg? Thor’s brother, Loki?

  17. Writer says:

    Being psychotic, he could play The Joker.

  18. Dohtimes says:

    Update: The Won has just signed to star in Jesus Christ Superstar, Part II.

  19. Bad Science says:

    Well, he’s pretty good at wrecking things, so maybe Mothera or Godzilla from back in the ’60′s? I don’t remember them having too much dialog, but I was pretty young back then so I’m not sure. I’d say the monster in Alien, but I liked that movie too much.

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