Biggest Threat to National Security: Fat People

Posted on September 13, 2012 10:00 am

It seems that a clear and present danger to our national security has gone almost unnoticed, until now. The FLOTUS (which I assume stands for Fat Lady of the United States) has identified this horrible threat, obesity, calling it “absolutely the greatest threat to our national security”.

That’s right, fat people are the greatest threat facing this nation. Not terrorists. Not our enemies. Not explosive events in the Middle East or crazy governments trying to make nuclear weapons. Not cyber-espionage from Russia or China. Not crazypants North Korea.

Fat people.

Well, as FLOTUS, she ought to know.

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11 Responses to “Biggest Threat to National Security: Fat People”

  1. Iowa Jim says:

    Even if I were to grant that obesity is a threat to our national security, I’d have a very hard time ranking it ahead of, say, the fact that her husband is occupying the White House, pretending to be President.

  2. jlw says:

    while i tend to not take dietary advice from wookies, i would like to know her BMI .

    it also seems that she thinks her law degree grants her great knowledge of nutrition.

  3. rodney dill says:

    I just knew Michael Moore is a terrorist.

  4. Mooch » Biggest Threat to National Security: Fat People | I'm a Man! I'm 41! links:

    […] That’s right, fat people are the greatest threat facing this nation… Keeep Reading […]

  5. Vaktatunnen says:

    Then according to the Patriot Act, somebody’s got to start watching all those fat people. Ooh. How do I get me that cherry gig?

  6. hwuu says:

    Its not so much her BMI, it is her crazed Klingon warrior eyes. She looks like she would eat my spleen. I think the F in FLOTUS is for furious.

  7. Jimmy says:

    Well, if she’s the “Fat Lady of The United States,” I’m waiting for her to sing.

  8. Mrs. C says:

    This is insulting and wrong. There are so many real threats to America, Americans and the American way of life, my being fat shouldn’t event make the list.
    I agree we should all try to be healthy, but weight and health are not 100% correlated. I would love to direct Mrs. Obama to several Health At Every Size websites, but let me start with this one: http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2011/11/10/obesity-and-health-care-costs/

  9. Ogrrre says:

    You guys are entirely off track with your guesses at teh meaning of the acronym FLOTUS. First of all, you are assuming Michelle Obama is a lady… she is not. She never has been, is not now, and never will be a lady. FLOTUS stands for Furious Lardass of the United States. Anyone with an ass and thighs that size, should not be dictating (or even trying to dictate) other’s diets.

  10. jw says:

    hmmm …Ogrrre, if we make that First Lard Ass (of) The United States, we have FLATUS. just an observation.

  11. Denise says:

    C’mon guys. She’s like a reformed smoker. If she is on a diet, everybody has to diet with her. I say screw it! I eat what I can afford. If she doesn’t like it she can pay for my food. I’ll still eat what I want but won’t have to pay for it.

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