Radiation: The Cure

[Originally posted at Nuking Politics]

You know, there is just something about people in the Arab world that just doesn’t square right. I mean, they keep on taunting, like, the most powerful nation in the world ever…it just doesn’t make sense. What could they be missing?

Oh, I know…a healthy respect for the consequences of an unhealthy dose of radiation.

Take two of these, and call us in the morning…

See, they kind of remind me of a rather psychotic people about 70 years ago or so…the Japanese Empire. Back then, the Japanese didn’t make video games, and cool robots, and stupid cartoons. They made ridiculously effective war machines, and they coupled that with fanaticism, much like the Islamic fanaticism we see today out of Arab nutjobs.

They were a tough enemy to beat; far more dangerous than your average Al Qaeda member. But they shared that whole fanaticism thing, if not the inability to actually produce stuff thing. As in, Islamists are about as useless at making anything of value as a sloth with a left-handed hammer. They just can’t do much besides hate people and suck oil out of the ground.

So the Japanese Imperialists were more dangerous, because they weren’t only as moonbat crazy as Islamists are, they were also crazy good engineers, and extremely dedicated workers.

So you might wonder how we conquered such a nation? Simple: we nuked the noodles out of ’em. And in that process, we taught them about the consequential effects of radiation. Since then, they have turned their industrious nature towards more friendly (and profitable!) pursuits, such as making cool robots and video games and stuff. Lesson learned!

So, I think this lesson could possibly be applied to the Middle East. See, they have the whole fanaticism thing down pat, even if they can’t really be much of a threat above the annoyance level. I mean, in the geopolitical neighborhood, the Middle East and those terrorist fellows are like the stupid neighbor that won’t cut their grass.

So, it is time for the Homeowner’s Association to step in, headed of course by the United States. How do we get them to clean up their act? Simple…teach them about the dangers of radiation. By dropping several nuclear bombs on them. We don’t even need to drop them on cities or anything: we aren’t going for death tolls like they do. We just want to teach them to have a healthy respect for our power by giving them some examples of what these weapons, that they clearly don’t understand, can actually do. And more importantly, that, yes, America is willing to use them.

I mean, really…this is like the only thing we haven’t tried. At this point, there is really nothing left for us to do except start bombing the ever-living daylights out of them. They just won’t understand who they are messing with until we use the very weapons that made us the country you don’t mess with.

If it can work for an aggressive Japanese Empire, it can work for some bozos still living in the the 7th century.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (15 votes, average: 4.73 out of 5)


  1. actually, you’re not quite right.

    “They just can’t do much besides hate people and suck oil out of the ground. ”

    They don’t actually suck the oil out of the ground. They just own the land above the oil and have companies from other, more advanced cultures come in and suck the oil out of the ground. All they actually have to do with the process is decide how much oil these companies are allowed to suck out of the ground in any given month…and that’s laregely determined by what cool new shiny things (also made elsewhere by more advanced cultures) they want to buy and how much they gambled away at casinos (also elsewhere and built by more advanced cultures).


  2. Keln, nice piece.

    However, I really don’t think those inbred, idiotic turkey basters are smart enough to get the point of a ‘demonstration.’ Their limbic brains only understand actual violence.


  3. @ blarg

    I know that, but I needed an “and” after hating people…and I couldn’t come up with anything else for obvious reasons, so I took some “artistic liberties”.


  4. The Arab world knows that, under this administration, no nukes will fly from our side…in fact, has there been any reports that the Marine contingents being sent actually have rounds for their rifles and sidearms and that the Navy vessels have more than pretty starburst rounds to fire when they elevate their gun tubes?

    Anyone else remembering Carter’s Desert One op?


  5. Radiation is used as a cure for cancer, right? Islam is a major cancer in the world today, right? Therefore it makes perfect sense that radiation would cure the worlds Islamic problems, right? However, I predict that after the smoke from all this clears, we will be shoveling even more billions of taxpayer money into that miserable part of the world in an effort to placate those who would gleefully murder us all.


  6. I say we roll out our biggest and best transport planes and drop raw bacon from one end of Allah’s desert to the other!! Getting ‘Nuked might make them “martyrs”…getting covered in pig parts will make them “un-holy”, according to their teachings. Just try to launch an RPG with bacon fat all over you! And in that heat…it’ll be sizzling soon, so we could provide humanitarian aid at the same time !
    Wow! ANOTHER great use for bacon !!!


  7. ……Keln….I missed that when it was first posted. In true IMAO irony…I AM, in fact, a 911 dispatcher !!!!!!!!!


  8. There are a lot of people out there who like to get in front of a camera or a microphone and announce that they are at war with the USA.
    The solution is simple – take them seriously and declare war right back at them.
    That is, declare war on the individual who made the declaration, not on the nation they happened to be standing in when they made it.
    Find out where they’re staying and drop a bomb on it. (a 500 pounder should do it.)
    If we miss the first time, try again.
    Soon the word will get around that people who declare war on the USA are not people you want to hang out with or live next door to, and they will become very unpopular.
    Oh, we’re already doing the occasional drone-strike thing, but there must be dozens, maybe hundreds of people who have called for war on the US in the past 30 years who haven’t been bombed even once yet.
    Eventually, people who declare war on the USA will evolve or become extinct, depending on whether or not they can adjust to the new environmental pressure we introduce.



Comments are closed.