What Would It Be Like to Attend the DNC?

There have been plenty of anecdotal stories on attending this year’s Republican National Convention, and from most accounts it sounds like it was relatively fun…for a political convention. I still don’t think I’d want to go, but then if I had a reason to go I would probably enjoy it more. You know, like if I was a senator, I could walk around making people bow and kiss my ring. At least, I think that is what senators do.

Well, I was thinking: what would a day at the Democratic National Convention be like? Probably boring, but then hanging around some railroad tracks in the middle of nowhere is boring too…until there is a train wreck. And with that many Democrats and their nutty supporters in one place, there’s bound to be a few wrecks. So it could be interesting after all…

Day 1 at the DNC

* You’re assaulted by the garbage police for throwing your plastic cup into a “recycle” bin instead of the “composte” bin. It’s clearly marked biodegradeable!

* You try to eat some of that great BBQ, but then are publically shamed and ridiculed by mobs of animal rights activists and militant vegans.

* You give up on the BBQ and go try to get a waffle cone…until Michelle Obama’s personal food police stop you.

* You notice Harry Reid keeps following people into the restroom.

* You keep tripping over hippies laying all over the place. You then notice those are actually the delegates.

* You keep getting the wrong change when you buy things because none of these people can do basic math.

* After listening to a dozen boring speeches, you are then forced to watch a video about how great of a president Jimmy Carter was.

* When the video is over, you suddenly feel sick and head to the restroom. You notice Harry Reid following you.

* You decide to head back to your hotel room to lay down for a bit, but then are attacked by swarms of angry bed bugs.

* Tired, hungry, and feeling a bit sick, you arrive back just in time to hear Michelle Obama speak…and then realize you forgot to bring your Klingon to English translator.

Yep. Sounds like a great time to me.

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    This week in Charlotte, pigs will fly
    And time, itself, will be unwound
    Obama’s minions glibly lie
    And “truth to power” won’t be found
    This week in Charlotte

    This week in Charlotte, history
    Will hide her flaming face in shame
    As Media Whores spread false stories
    Of how and why our crises came
    This week in Charlotte

    This week in Charlotte, “talking heads”
    Will reassure us “all is well”
    So we’ll sleep “safely” in our beds
    Until we wake in BO’s hell
    This week in Charlotte.

    NO RIGHTS RESERVED: Weep for our nation, this week in Charlotte.
    BO never forgot a WORD of “Rev. Wright”: “G@d D@mn America”


  2. * you get a text from Anthony Weiner welcoming you to the convention.

    *Due to lack of parking you are forced to carpool with a Kennedy.

    *Micheal Moore steals your lunch.

    *you can’t figure out which restroom to use as they are labeled Transgendered, Trans-Curious and Misogynist.

    *Sandra Fluke keeps grabbing your Knee and whispering something about Obama care.


  3. This just in: harry reid and joey biden were caught in the restroom doorway of the convention hall, as biden was walking in circles trying to tie his shoelace and harry reid was following him in. The two became entangled when a senior adviser for carl rove pointed out to biden he was wearing slip-ons. Film at 11

    Ach icth caaaa ich tu bek! /sasquatch, the occupants wife.

    This just in: nanny pelousy has gotten her face caught on anthony’s zipper. Film at 11.

    This just in rahm the manual, has lost a finger trying to free nanny pelousy. michele bloomberg suggests instituting a severance tax.


  4. You are sommoned to the courtesy phone only to discover that it’s Hillary, phoning it in from the Cook Islands. You can’t understand her and hang up. International incident ensues.


  5. You are cornered by Joe Biden and are forced to listen to a rambling tale about his youth and some people you’ve never heard of. Make your escape by introducing Joe to the corner fern.


  6. Day 2 at the DNC:

    * Harry Reid is drunk, drooling and continually falling down.

    * Nancy Pelosi’s botox treatment fails and her face droops causing children to scream: “Ugly! Ugly!”

    * Barney Frank makes a surprise appearance dressed-up as a wiener dog. “Mmmm mmmm mmm! thinks Obama.

    * Ted Kennedy’s ghost is seen in the lobby being yelled at by Mary Jo Kopechne who’s chasing him with a large, cast iron skillet.

    * Hillary shows up unexpectedly and she’s spitting bullets.


  7. Yeah, speaking of hell, I used to live in a city with those people.

    Is there a bifurcation of the human race taking place? I’m beginning to wonder.


  8. Hmm…bifurcation. Great word.

    Well, I see it like this…

    The human race could split into two separate subspecies (Homo Sapiens and Homo Stupidus), but this is usually driven by some form of natural selection. In the current situation, there is an opposite effect going on. Namely, the weaker subspecies (Homo Stupidus) came to existence due to the success of the stronger (Homo Sapiens). And since humans no longer kill off inferior members of the species, it stands to reason that the weaker subspecies will continue to procreate at an astronomical rate, while the stronger eventually dies off due to taxation.

    In the end, the apes take over.

    Pretty much.


  9. When Homo Sapiens dies off, Keln, the food will stop and Homo Stupidus will burn down the cities built by Homo Sapiens.


  10. The apes have already taken over dear. The uncivilized, undereducated, do whatever you want to-to whoever you can, take no responsibility, blame everyone else for your mistakes, humanistic, sucklers at the government teat are in control. Just look at every big city in the world and tell me I’m wrong. It has nothing to do with race, ethnicity or culture and everything to do with the lack of any moral compass, any integrity and any self discipline. We are well on our way to imitate life in “Planet of the Apes”. Good job homo sapiens (fist bump).


  11. After listening to a dozen boring speeches, you are then forced to watch a video about how great of a president Jimmy Carter was.

    It’s really hard to satirize the Democrats. They actually did show a video about Teddy Kennedy; the theme was how good he was for women. As James Taranto would observe, Mary Jo Kopechne could not be reached for comment.


  12. @ 7 Critter: “Make your escape by introducing Joe to the corner fern.”

    LOL !! Worthy of a rasher of….you guessed it !!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ !!!!


  13. “The Democrats Gather for Convention”

    Let us shout, Hallelujah, “The Won’s” is in town
    He’s the “bestest” that he’s ever been.
    So put on “happy faces”. Turn those frowns upside down,
    And pretend our “Great Leader” will win!

    We have done all we could to keep hidden the truth–
    (Corrupt Media was his whore from the start).
    ‘Tho its influence is dying; and its concept of “proof”,
    Made the worst of “Three Stooges” look smart.

    Still, we’ll muddle along; “It’s all part of the show!”
    Doesn’t Barry look, “So hip these days”?
    “His ears never looked better, and his golf scores, you know,
    Are deserving of the “little people’s” praise!

    Our Elites will be here; pray the rabble won’t swoon,
    By the “great ones’ high-tech/high-def glow!
    Presidenta Jarrett will command the whole room,
    Even Godfather Rahm plans to show!

    We will bravely ignore those unflattering facts,
    Which our Media Whores may not shroud–
    (So many of the “faithful” shall be missing “all acts”—
    They might lose if they’re seen in our crowd!)

    Make the Kool-Aid more potent! Triple pork all around!
    We can spend like we’re “Kings for a Day”!
    So what if we lose; when The Won’s lost His crown,
    We’ve still BILLIONS safe hidden away!

    No rights reserved – copy; send; improvise; share the fun!


  14. @ Iowa Jim, I got almost all of the ideas in this piece from actual things connected to or going on at the DNC…including the Carter video, which I read that they did, or will be showing. It is their response to Republicans comparing Obama to Carter…they decided to just declare that Carter was a great president, banking on the American public’s ability to forget things easily.

    However, as Carter has been the butt of jokes for over three decades, I don’t think this one will fly.


  15. The DNC: A whole bunch of men who don’t like women, in a building full of women wearing “Slut” buttons and talking about birth control.



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