Your Oversize Novelty Gavel Can’t Save You Now, Nancy!

[High Praise! to LMAObama]

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Once Again, This Is What Obama Means by “Forward”

[High Praise! to Laughing Conservative]

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The Limits of Free Speech Made Simple (So Liberals Can Understand)

[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]

I like the cut of this boy’s jib. “Cogent” is an understatement for this little talk.


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #14,608)

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You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “For Obama’s next TV appearance…“.

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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The Definitive Jim Messina Pledge Picture

[High Praise! to I’m a Man! I’m 41!]

Say… is that Harry Reid in the passenger seat?

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Link of the Day: Chris Matthews Unveils Photograph of Republican Racial Code Book

[High Praise! to Laura and The Daily Rash]

Chris Matthews Unveils Photograph of Republican Racial Code Book

Excerpt:

EUGENE ROBINSON: Romney uses so many code words his speeches sound like Klan meetings. Yesterday he called a group of Ohio factory workers hard working people who deserved a better economy.

CHRIS MATTHEWS: Oh God.

JOAN WALSH: Or in code speak, President Obama is a weird black man.

CHUCK TODD: This morning Romney told reporters that his thoughts and prayers are with the Gulf coast residents in the path of the hurricane.

JOAN WALSH: Or in code speak, President Obama wants to give more food stamps and welfare checks to African Americans.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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A Moment With Joe Biden: Pudding Day!

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …and earlier we had a tour of the plant. It was fascinating to see where Jell-O pudding is made. For a short time I stayed in a wonderful place where we got to eat pudding twice a week, and everyone there was always very excited on pudding days, even more than on mashed potato day. And, there’s always be someone who’d spill some on their bathrobe or get it on their pajamas, and we’d all laugh. There was one guy who would smear it all over his face…just for a joke. And, we all got a big kick out of it. I miss it there… I miss pudding day. But, anyway, it’s a big hit in my house, I’ll tell ya. The world has been a better place since Bill Cosby invented pudding, I’ll tell ya…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

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Wisdom of the Day: Vandalizing Maps Racist Sports

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Who Would You Vote For Over Obama?

[High Praise! to iOwnTheWorld]

I admit it. I only picked this one for the Gene Gene the Dancing Machine reference.

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Are We Idiots?

So there seems to have been a complete failure of the Obama administration in Libya, yet for the longest time Obama tried to pretend a coordinated attack on 9/11 was a protest over a YouTube video. That along with the bitter clingers line, the constant use of ridiculous straw men, and the “you didn’t built that” statement where he explains the government builds roads and bridges, you kind of get the idea that Obama thinks the American people are a bunch of idiots. Of course, if he’s reelected, he can say, “QED.”

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Straight Line of the Day: To Get People to Vote For Him, Obama Gave…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

To get people to vote for him, Obama gave…

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12 Debate Tips for Romney

The first presidential debate is Wednesday, and it’s time for Romney to win over that 0.4% of people who haven’t decided how they’re voting yet for some reason. I don’t know if I’ve said it before, but I don’t really like Obama and I want him to lose, so I thought I’d give Romney some debate tips to help him win.

DEBATE TIPS FOR ROMNEY

1. When you shake hands at the beginning of the debate, headbutt him. That’s will psych him out for the rest of it.

2. In your opening statement, say, “I plan to prove tonight beyond a reasonable doubt that Obama should be executed for treason.” Obama probably isn’t expecting a trial, so that will really throw him off.

3. Bring visual aids to help make your point. “This kitten is the economy, this bat is Obama’s economic plans…”

4. Constantly brandish a pipe while speaking. This may cause Obama to not use his attack lines out of his natural fear of being beaned with a pipe.

5. If you make a gaffe, quickly start dancing Gangnam style so people forget all about it.

6. Have a particularly delicious dog walk out on stage during the debate. If you can get Obama to attack and eat a dog on stage, that could cost him a percentage point or two.

7. To really throw Obama off his game, start slapping him when he’s trying to speak. If the moderator complains, slap him too.

8. No matter how much he cries, no matter how much he begs, never let Obama be clear.

9. Wear a sombrero and speak like Speedy Gonzales to win over Latino voters.

10. If the debate is going poorly, request trial by combat. That may not be in the debate rules, but they might not know that.

11. Another way to psych out Obama during a debate is to fire a gun into the air and random intervals.

12. People haven’t liked the past four years; make sure to point out who was president then.

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Random Thoughts: Justice Gnomes

Everyone is racist until proven Democrat.

I’m admittedly worse than Hitler. At least at growing a mustache.

When you have a good night’s sleep and a bag full of guns, you feel like you can handle anything life throws at you.

Obama’s Department of Justice:
Phase 1: Sell guns to Mexican drug cartels.
Phase 2: ???
Phase 3: ???

America needs to return to its Judo-Christian values. Hi-yah!

When compared to previous presidents, like Logan from 24 who orchestrated a terrorist attack against the U.S., Obama has done okay I guess.

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Probably Drinking a Slurpee While He Said It

[High Praise! to Hatless in Hattiesburg]

“Has (obama) ever truly reached across the aisle other than to say to Republicans, ‘I won, the keys are mine, get in the back of the seat and just shut up while I drive.’?”

The answer is “maybe”. To quote Dennis Miller:

The only time the Democrats reach out to us is when they’re trying to pick our pockets.

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