God Bless This Man

[High Praise! to Parkway Rest Stop]

In fairness, I should put a hanky-alert on this. Only a monster would feel nothing from watching this video.

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #643,550)

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The Only Way This Could Be Better Is if Fred Thompson Were in It

[High Praise! to Lower the Boom]

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The Most Disturbing Question You’ll Ever Ask Yourself

[High Praise! to Transterrestrial Musings]

Really, if he wanted to create a recession, what would he have done differently?

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If Obama is Superman, Then Romney Is…

[High Praise! to John Cox Art]

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Link of the Day: Questions Liberals Can’t Answer

[High Praise! to Vantage Point of the One-Eyed Jack]

Everything is going like clockwork


Why does our government punish success and reward failure? Can you imagine a successful casino comping the penny slot players and ignoring the high-stakes craps table? The idea is absurd. Can you imagine that parents would be successful in raising well-behaved civilized and productive adults if they punished the child who makes good grades by loading him down with extra chores, while rewarding the child who gets bad grades by granting him extra video-game time?

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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A Moment With Joe Biden: Tax Cuts

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …and you’ve probably heard them. They’re out there saying that we want to repeal the middle-class tax cut. And, ya know something? Let me tell y’all something. We do! We sure do! And we will repeal that middle-class tax cut… George W Bush’s middle-class tax cut. Because it’s time that the top one percent in this country start paying their fair share. It’s time that those fat cats that are doing so well on Wall Street start paying more into the system, and the way we do that is to repeal their middle-class tax cut…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

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Breaking News: Professor Claims Obama Campaign ‘Misrepresented’ His Work

Harvard University (NPN) – Professor Martin Feldstein, an economist at Harvard, claims that President Obama and his campaign have misrepresented his study of Mitt Romney’s tax plan. The president has claimed that the tax plan does not work and is purposely designed to raise taxes on middle and low income earners, citing Professor Feldstein’s study.

The Obama Campaign’s corrected version of Professor Feldstein’s study on the Romney Tax Plan.

“This is completely reprehensible, what they have done.” said the wild-eyed Feldstein in a horrible German accent. “My study clearly showed that the Romney tax plan can in fact achieve debt neutrality while avoiding raising tax rates on the middle class, low class, and those with no class.”

With that, the professor then filled three giant chalk boards proving why, threw his chalk at this reporter and stalked out of the class room.

An Obama campaign spokesperson quickly responded to our inquest regarding Professor Feldstein’s claims.

“He’s clearly wrong about our mischaracterization of his study.” said Margaret Stump, a chief financial adviser of the campaign. “We read his report, which made little sense to begin with, and simply corrected his math, which didn’t work originally. I mean, who uses a bunch of symbols and letters instead of numbers when doing math? It was garbage.”

The professor also apparently did not account for the costs and penalties associated with Obamacare.

“I don’t know what Dr. Feldstein was thinking, removing Obamacare expenses like that.” said Stump. “The costs of that are going to be huge, and you can’t make conclusions about a tax policy without recognizing how much Obamacare will add to the tax burden and completely crush the middle class, while putting small companies out of business and taking away from the economic growth that Romney’s tax cuts are supposed to make appear out of thin air.”

Vice presidential candidate Joe Biden apparently caught wind of this story as it was developing and made some comments in a speech to members of the Chupacabra Hunters Union in Wisconsin.

“This nutty professor is going around saying he knows better how to do math than the President of the United States!” said an apoplectic Biden. “Yeah! He is saying that. I mean, you can’t become president or vice president without knowing a lot about math. So I have three words for you Professor: Go Learn Math! Oh wait, that was four words. Four words for you professor.”

The Romney campaign was unable to respond to these developments being indisposed by fits of raucous laughter.

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If HBO Produced the Election

[High Praise! to The Last Refuge]

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Straight Line of the Day: After the Debate, Mitt Romney…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

After the debate, Mitt Romney…

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The new demographic

According to published report, the air in New York City is full of rubber, dead skin cells, and rust.

There’s only one thing that would cause all three of these items to appear with abundance: New York is being overrun with horny replicants.

Don’t look at this as a bad thing. Think of it as an opportunity. If the GOP can sway the horny replicant vote, the state could end up in Romney’s column in November.

Can you think of any current Democrat constituency that is less creepy than a Nexus 7? I didn’t think so.

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Random Thoughts: Magic Handkerchief

Let’s be logical here: There’s no way Romney could beat Obama unless he had some sort of magic handkerchief feeding him answers.

I guess Obama told himself before the debate, “This should be easy… unless he brings up how I was president the past four years.”

A great Romney fundraising idea would be to sell handkerchiefs with notes of Obama’s failures on it.

Aren’t PBS and NPR favorites of affluent white people? Why does stuff they like need subsidies? Why didn’t government save Firefly?

“How can the same thing happen to the same guy… How many times is this now?” -line from A Good Day to Die Hard, presumably

This is a really late gripe, but the fact that the NES version of Donkey Kong was missing the pie level is inexcusable. I didn’t even know the pie level existed until I played a lowtech TI version of the game. Anyway, Nintendo, you ruined approximately one one-millionth of my childhood with your lazy port of Donkey Kong.

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Those new jobs

So, the good news is that unemployment is at 7.8%.

Read that sentence again.

Now, go back in time to 2008 and read that sentence. The 2008 reading sounds like parody, doesn’t it.

That’s because the Obama economy is so bad that 7.8% actually is good news. For Obama. For nearly 8% of Americans, though, it’s not good news at all.

The reason it’s good news for Obama is that it’s the first full month since he took office that unemployment has been below 8%. But, how did it get that way? A combination of things.

You’d think it’s the number of people not working divided by the number of people. But, that’s too simple. No, you got to take all kind of things into account. For example, if someone isn’t actively working for work, you don’t count them. So, if you can discourage enough people, or make it so that they get more money and benefits by not working, they stop looking for work and don’t figure in to the numbers.

The other thing is figuring out what jobs to count. Farm jobs don’t count, for instance. But, you do count part-time jobs. That means that someone who works 1/2 a job is counted as working a full job.

Another thing that helped was that they found a bunch of jobs that they didn’t find earlier. Total new jobs only rose by 114,000 (to be revised down in coming months), but they found a bunch of existing jobs that didn’t exist before.

Like what?

  • Ghost Hunter
  • Community Organizer
  • Chupacabra Hunter
  • Obama Debate Prep Expert
  • Assistant Tooth Fairy
  • Reindeer Wrangler
  • New York Times Fact Checker
  • Cave Man Defroster
  • Yeti Groomer

While most of these seem like B-Ark jobs, rest assured, they’re not. They serve a purpose. Jobs, and others like them, are there to help get Barack Obama re-elected.

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Why We Hate, and Hate Proudly

[High Praise! to Western Hero]

Oh? You Muslim extremists are all mad and explody again? Well, here’s a message for ya…

Hey, Angry Muslims (not all Muslims, just the angry hatey ones), you think you hate us? You think your hate is the burniest of burning hatey hate?

Wrong. We hate you worse. Only ours is not a murderous hate. It is a hate that despises. The way one despises mosquitoes and termites, or the stench from the sewage treatment plant when the wind blows the wrong way.

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