Romney’s Finally Got a Nickname

[High Praise! to The Looking Spoon]

I might start using this just so I can stop accidentally typing “Romeny”.

After the election, we’ll just call him “President Man”.

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The Only Obama Bumper Sticker I’d Put on My Car

[High Praise! to The Last Refuge]

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The Perfect Metaphor for Obamacare

[High Praise! to windbag]

Ketchup = healthcare

Ketchupbot = Obamacare


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #984,780)

Is this REALLY the best way to make sure everyone gets the ketchup they need?

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Has Anyone Ever Seen Big Bird and Sandra Fluke in the Same Room at the Same Time?

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

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Link of the Day: 16 Questions for Obama’s Next Debate

[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]

Post Debate Wrap Up

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Just before the VP debate…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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A Moment With Joe Biden: Paying the Bills

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …ya know, I met a man in Columbus, Ohio name Tom Gifford. And, Tom’s been out of work for almost four years now. Four years! And, he’s fallen off unemployment, doesn’t know how he’s going to pay any of his bills… or feed his kids. And God bless him, he came up to me with tears in his eyes… tears in his eyes… and he said, “Joe, I’m countin’ on ya buddy. I’m countin’ on you and Barack to turn things around. And there’s only one way to do that. There’s only one way that I can pay my bills. Joe, you need to increase the tax rate to 60 percent on those Americans in the top one percent. If you do that, I’ll be able to get a job, pay my bills, feed my kids… Joe, buddy, I’m counting on ya.” And, I’ll tell you today what I told him that day. I won’t let you down, Tom. Barack Obama won’t let you down. We’ll increase the tax rate on those fat cats so that you can pay your bills…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

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Pick a Bird, Pick a Side

[High Praise! to The Astute Bloggers]

Oh, and to clear up a long-standing mystery, Big Bird is a canary.

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Straight Line of the Day: After the Debate, Obama said to Biden…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

After the debate, Obama said to Biden…

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Remember Bali: Fun Facts About Australia

Today is the 10th anniversary of the Terrorist bombing that killed 88 Australians. The second shot in the War on Terror.

In their honor: Fun Facts About Australia

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* Australia is sometimes referred to as the “island continent”. This is not exactly true, as it is actually connected to Asia by a series of underwater tunnels constructed by Aquaman prior to starting his so-called crime-fighting “career”.

* Australia was originally a British penal colony for exiled thieves and murderers. It is not to be confused with France, which was originally a British penal colony for the cowardly and annoying.

* Australia eventually outgrew its shady past and evolved into a modern civilized nation. France has yet to make that particular leap.

* The basic unit of Australian currency is giant cans of beer, which explains why Australian men have gargantuan arm muscles.

* Australia is known for its vast, woolly herds of opals.

* It’s also known for its many sheep mining operations.

* The kangaroo is a pouched marsupial native to Australia. Most women own them for storage purposes, since purses are illegal in Australia.

* Rabbits are considered a pest in Australia. Although somewhat cute and fuzzy, they tend to wander the country in packs, destroying everything in sight, and pooping everywhere with no respect for property rights, much like American hippies.

* The central portion of Australia is a dry, barren wasteland containing nothing of interest. Think of it as the real-world equivalent of an MSNBC broadcast day.

* Contrary to a popular American stereotype, most Australians do NOT wear hats decorated with crocodile teeth or sell Subarus. That was just a phase Paul Hogan went through before he found Goth.

* Dingoes are wild dogs native to Australia, and shouldn’t be confused with Ding-Dongs, which have less hair and more cream filling.

* Koala bears, also native to Australia, may look cute and cuddly, but they are actually very dangerous. If you see one, don’t make any sudden moves – just give him your wallet and hope he doesn’t hurt you.

* Australians are strong, loyal, trustworthy, and fierce fighters. If for some unimaginable reason you don’t own a gun, consider carrying an Australian in your holster instead.

* A platypus is an odd-looking creature that appears to be a cross between a duck and a beaver. They live primarily in water and to confuse biologists.

* Ayers’ Rock is an incredibly huge rock that… well… it… um… that is… er… uh… anyway, it’s really big, so don’t make it angry.

* But the best thing about Australians is that they have a great sense of humor. Even if some stupid American comes along and pokes a little good-natured fun at them they’ll just laugh and [WHACK!] OW! MY NOSE!

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Completely off-topic, does anyone know how to extract a giant can of beer from your sinus cavity?

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When Raccoons Attack!

New York City is being plagued by raccoons aggressively digging through people’s trash.

Not as bad as it seems, though. A lot of those reports turn out to be just Mayor Bloomberg checking soda cup sizes.

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Cartoon of the day


[Source: GoComics/Lisa Benson]

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Obama Needs to Hire These Two As Campaign Advisers

[High Praise! to The Looking Spoon]

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Random Thoughts: Ryan vs. Biden and Stuff

Flying first class for the first time ever today. Guess I’ll have to read my Kindle since using a Nintendo 3DS would look low class.

Can’t use my cracked iPad. People would be like, “If you can afford first class, why didn’t you just throw that away and buy a new one?”

Don’t know why I have it in my head everyone in first class is going to be mean and judgmental. Probably because that’s how I plan to be.

First class was nice. They treated you like an actual human being who paid them hundreds of dollars to travel.

First class was similar to the customer service you’d expect on the ground, but in the air. It was like they actually had to compete for my business. It was weird.

In economy, I got yelled at for having my Kindle on. Really. Do you need me to take the batteries out of my watch as well?

If turning a page on a Kindle is going to crash the plane, why do they take our word for it that we turned off our phones?

What I really don’t get is that time after you land when you can use your cellphone but no other electronic device.

Hotel offers the “hottest N64 games.” Good job, hotel.

Gah! They charge for Internet. Why do expensive hotels charge for internet? The hostels where they murder you don’t charge for internet.

The only rigged poll I believe is the one on Election Day.

I’m gobsmacked people aren’t taking Andrew Sullivan seriously.

If only Ambassador Stevens was wearing a Big Bird costume, then Obama might have cared to protect him.

High unemployment, high gas prices, low growth — but let’s focus on getting the multi-millionaire bird puppet government subsidies.

Being on a business trip where I can expense tips allows me to be a Democrat, i.e., I get to be generous with other people’s money.

Losing could be the best thing for Obama because then he could run again in 2016 but then not have to worry about that pesky governing.

Biden is a skilled debater. He always wins the mock debates held between him and his sock puppet Stevie.

You automatically lose any debate if you’re wearing a bow tie.

You can wear a black bow tie with a tuxedo. With anything else you’re halfway to a clown outfit.

At this point, as long as half the things Biden says are actual English words, they’ll say he won the debate by exceeding expectations.

And if Iran does get a nuclear weapon, I’m sure Obama will blame a YouTube video.

The problems of this country seems to be of much amusement to Biden.

“YAY! HE SAID 47%!” -liberals currently peeing themselves

My sister had a good point: Biden could almost be winning this on radio. On TV, he looks like a smirking jackass.

The grinning is reminding me of Gore’s groaning.

Doing fake laughs doesn’t win debates.

Biden gets an A for effort so far. He might do better with a B.

The moderator is debating Ryan pretty well.

“Look at how Biden just screamed at and bit Ryan! He’s totally winning!” -the left

When Biden had a long pause after “My religion…” I thought he forgot what it was.

I can’t believe the moderator cut Ryan off on religious liberty to try and go back to the same abortion arguments we’ve had for decades.

Obama and Biden sure like to whine about speaking time.

I’m not sure I like tired old man Biden better.

Bipolar Biden.

I can never call these things (except that last one). Will be interested to see what independents think.

Safe to say this wasn’t a game changer. Benefit: Romney.

I like Paul Ryan… for a politician. That’s like having a favorite mold.

I have such a low opinion of Biden, I may be giving his debate performance too much slack.

There should be a picture of Frank Luntz in the dictionary next to the word “schlub.”

Looks like this debate was a net win for Romney as it didn’t change momentum.

The one thing the left and right can agree on is that we have no idea how undecided voters think.

So I’ve seen a Ryan won poll, Biden won poll, and a near tie poll. Science?

This debate will probably help the left some in how they now won’t be so miserably depressed.

All the smirking was because Biden couldn’t help but keep thinking of that wacky Marmaduke.

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