I See DC Is FINALLY Addressing This Long-Standing Problem

DC is now considering a ban on large sodas.

I think they’re just trying to plug that empty space in their black and rotted souls that the gun ban used to fill.

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The Best Summation Yet of Obama’s 2nd Term Plan, “The New Economic Patriotism”

[High Praise! to Hope n’ Change Cartoons]

In other words, Obama’s plan is to repeat every failed policy of the past four years but with higher taxes – because damn it, if “patriotism” isn’t coerced labor and job-killing tax rates, then what is it?!

Seriously, if Karl Marx had a slicker, better-funded Public Relations team, this is exactly what he would have been passing out decades ago.

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The Problem Is That They Didn’t Take Political Correctness Far Enough

The University of North Carolina – Chapel Hill has removed the word “freshman” from official university documents in favor of the more “gender inclusive” term “first year student”.

This is ridiculous. If they REALLY want to avoid offending people, they need to change their name to “UNC – Hill”.

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This Picture Makes Me Furious

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

I was behind the… I think it’s a pit bull… at the end of the line in this picture and they cropped me out of the final version!

Speciesism is SO offensive…

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You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “The worst part about being Obama’s limo driver…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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Link of the Day: This Is How Strong Nations Fall

[High Praise! to Traction Control and Daily Pundit]

How We Became A Nation of Cowards and Mad Men

Excerpt:

The final bit of this puzzle is the nature of liberalism/leftism itself. It is founded on an essential lie – that government can create something from nothing, and do so perpetually. Liberalism is the supposedly less virulent form of its crystallizing notion, Marxism, which has never worked in any real application of it, and, absent some sort of technological culture of abundance driven by artificial intelligences capable of modeling universes on an atomic level, probably never will. Yet folks continue to believe in it, despite its perfect record of failure. Why? Because they want to believe that you really can get something for nothing, that there really is such a thing as a free lunch, and maybe if they just return to the communist catechism one more time, that will finally, finally, do the trick, open the magical Marxist cornucopia, and flood them with all their dreams come true.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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PNOTW

Keln of Nuking Politics has chosen the Punchline Nuker of the Week.

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Hurricane May Help Obama Show Guts

To show us his gutsiness will Obama order drone flyovers over NYC to watch for people ignoring evacuation orders so special forces teams can be deployed to eliminate them?

The mind boggles.

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A Moment With Joe Biden: Hurricane

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …Folks, there’s a storm heading our way. And, you can thank the Republicans for this. This Hurricane Sandy. Republicans like Mitt Romney don’t want to do a thing about hurricanes. I’m serious folks. Years ago, guys like Tip O’Neill would go to Ronald Reagan, and they’d say, “Let’s get Joe Biden in here,” and some of the other guys who know how to get things done, and I’d go in there and seven or eight of us – from both sides of the aisle – we would have sat in a room until we had a piece of legislation that would have stopped hurricanes. But now, in the Republican party of Mitt Romney, we can’t get such a simple piece of legislation passed. We can’t even get those guys to agree that hurricanes are bad and need to be outlawed, to sign off on a piece of legislation that would end hurricanes. And these guys want to be in charge? Unbelievable folks, simply unbelievable…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

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Wisdom of the Day: Remote Frontal Opposite Storms Gas Dangerous

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No Word on if Anyone Would Pick Harry Reid for This

A new poll shows that 54% of middle class families would trust Romney over Obama to manage their family budget.

The other 46% said they haven’t even had a budget in 3 years.

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Polls!

So what’s going to happen a week from Tuesday? We have polls to help us figure things out, but they’re just making things more confusing. National polls have been showing a good lead for Romney — a number even have him over 50% — but looking at the electoral votes, it doesn’t look like he’s going to win as he needs Ohio and hasn’t led in one polls there. Nate Silver at the NYT Times looks at the polls and uses numbers magic to say Obama has definitely won it, but his stuff doesn’t completely make sense (like right now he says there is a 71% chance Obama will win the popular vote even though that goes way against the national polling). But if you question Nate Silver’s methods, Paul Krugman says that will offend Science! and destroy the fabric of time and space or something. And Krugman is a very entertaining writer — in the same way it would be entertaining if you dressed up a chimpanzee as an economist and had it do a silly dance for you.

So who knows what will happen. The important thing is if you live in a swing state, make sure to help get out the vote for Republicans and do your usual methods of voter suppression to stop Democrats from voting (like dangling a bunch of shiny things near polling places to distract them). If you live in a non-swing state — like me in Idaho — you can just relax and not care. Man, it’s nice not having any pressure on you.

Oh, I spoke too soon. Romney now leads in Ohio according to Rasmussen, though according to Nate Silver’s number crunching, we’re only imagining that poll.

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Straight Line of the Day: Romney Has Intelligent, Qualified Women. What’s in Obama’s Binder?

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Romney has intelligent, qualified women. What’s in Obama’s binder?

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Hurricane Survival Tips

There’s a big hurricane heading towards the east coast. I don’t live there anymore, so I don’t care that much. Still I’ve lived through a few hurricanes myself and know quite a bit about them. A long while ago I wrote some Fun Facts on hurricanes, and here some more tips for surviving a hurricane:

HURRICANE SURVIVAL TIPS

* You can’t let a hurricane know you’re scared of it as they can smell fear and will attack it. The safest place to be when a hurricane comes is out front of your house on the lawn shaking your fist at it.

* Make sure to have a hurricane survival kit well stocked with water, beef jerky, Pixy Stix, a chinchilla, various lengths of lead pipe, The Rock on DVD, a hairnet, bear mace, a jaunty hat, and a box labeled “Hurricane Survival Kit” that’s actually filled with snakes.

* The calmest part of a storm is its eye, so if the hurricane gets really stressful, go there to relax.

* If you see Joe Biden running out and trying to lick the hurricane, don’t tackle him and drag him back to shelter; leave that to the professionals in the Secret Service.

* If you’re going to fight the hurricane, attacks its clouds; that’s the weak spot.

* While watching out for the hurricane, don’t get caught unaware by the burrowcane which digs underground and attacks from below.

* Hurricanes are really just a bunch of wind and water, so don’t act too scared of it or everyone will think you’re a sissy.

* Don’t vote for Obama.

So those are all my tips. Follow them, and you should survive the hurricane. The surest sign the hurricane is over is when you hear an ice cream truck drive by. Then run out and get yourself some ice cream as a reward for surviving the hurricane!

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Random Thoughts: Give a Fish

Buttercup responding to a “No” from SarahK: “I’m not asking you.” I think we’re in trouble…

So was refusing to send help to the consulate in Benghazi a gutsy call?

Why do Republicans want to cut funding for Planned Parenthood which gives women an equal number of mammograms and unicorn rides?

Polling makes it seem pretty certain Romney is going to win the popular vote, but it would be nice to see him ahead in one poll in OH.

I don’t get why the wristwatch was ever invented. Is there really a market for people too lazy to check their cellphone for what time it is?

The human brain should really come with a warning that its logic functions are still in beta.

Your vote matters… if “matters” is shorthand for “being composed of matter.” So electronic voting doesn’t matter.

So what do we make of it that the Democrats think getting as many ill-informed people to the polls as possible helps them?

The easiest way to get a coin to land on its side is when its in the air have Dick Morris predict “heads” and Bob Shrum predict “tails.”

With all his changing positions, we can’t be certain who Romney is beyond that he’ll be much more competent than Obama.

I believe voting should take a minimal effort because the survival of our country requires the disenfranchisement of the exceptionally lazy.

Give a man a fish, and you feed a man for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll stop voting for Democrats.

According to Nate Silver, if you see it announced on Nov. 6th that Romney has won, Occam’s Razor says you got drunk and imagined it.

Is there a clearer sign of a hack than someone loudly asserting his objectivity?

So has anyone found a person who voted for McCain in ’08 and is voting for Obama this year?

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