Obama Complains of Debating “Not the Real Mitt”

Posted on October 5, 2012 11:00 am

What Obama claims he faced at the debate instead of Mitt Romney.

In a speech the day after the debate, Obama said “That wasn’t the real Mitt” that he faced in the debate Wednesday night.

“What I faced in that debate was nothing like the real Mitt Romney,” Obama told 12,000 backers at a park in Denver. “It was more this giant horrible thing. Like a robot. A giant, metal robot. Something invincible that my tiny hands just impotently clawed at and were unable to make a mark. Or a Mack truck. I think I expected Romney to be in the podium next to me, but I turned and what I saw was this truck careening towards me. It hit me very hard… and now I’m having trouble remembering…”

Tears were visible in the president’s eyes as he continued. “And then there was this monster there. It roared at me and grabbed me and slammed me into the ground over and over and I screamed, ‘This isn’t Mitt Romney! I supposed to debate Mitt Romney!’ And I kept trying to read from the teleprompter in my mind like my debate trainers told me, but the monster wouldn’t stop beating me and the words were so fuzzy. And then this horrible, incomprehensible thing stood over me and… and… it’s hard to remember. Please don’t make me remember!”

The president started bawling. “It started questioning the job I did as president TO MY FACE! It was the most agonizing thing imaginable! Why didn’t somebody stop it?! Why?!”

The president then curled up into a fetal position and started rocking back and forth muttering. “Tell me I’m smart. Someone please tell me I’m smart.”

The president’s aides say that Obama is really prepared for the next debate and Romney better watch out, but the real Romney better show up for that debate instead of an invincible robot monster that crushes everything before it.

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17 Responses to “Obama Complains of Debating “Not the Real Mitt””

  1. Son of Bob says:

    Wow, sounds like he better hope that the “real” Mitt doesn’t show up for the next debate. If the fake one kicked his ass that badly imagine what the “real” Romney will do to him.

  2. blarg says:

    It wasn’t the Romney the Obama campaign and the left wing media invented to run against. Rhis guy wouldn’t even wear the monocle or twist his mustache while laughing evilly. What the hell, man?? At least he could have given someone in the audience cancer or throw some money at millionaires and billionaires.

  3. blarg says:

    As long as this is the Mitt we’re going to be voting for in couple of weeks I don’t see the problem.

  4. cptnmoroni says:

    I would like to see a caption contest of the scene from The Avengers of Hulk throwing Loki around for awhile and then saying, “Puny God” for this debate. “Puny Lightworker”, “I wonder if this is covered under Obamacare”, and so on coming from the Hulk.

    It’s too bad that in the movie, Loki didn’t get smashed into a couple chairs because that would have been hilarious.

  5. Lmacb says:

    Stephanie Cutter on Out Front with Erin Burnett last night really was crying.

  6. cptnmoroni says:

    And Frank beat me to my idea on Twitter.

  7. cptnmoroni says:

    And Harvey did it too!

  8. Jimmy says:

    “Will the real Mitt Romney please stand up!”

    “Oh, noes!” (runs away)

  9. Lem says:

    Ah, MechWarriors! The MadCat, my favorite mech.

  10. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Hey Barry, the ‘problem’ wasn’t the real Mitt, it’s the real YOU.

  11. Crabby Old Bat says:

    Obama got it right – that wasn’t the “real” Mitt Romney persona. It was Ronnie Ferocious: http://www.theonion.com/articles/mitt-romney-adopts-new-ronnie-ferocious-persona-fo,29789/

  12. Jimmy says:

    America loves a fighter. Next time, Romney should walk out in boxing gloves, deck the bastard and then plant the American flag on the stage. Election over.

  13. plentyobailouts says:

    …”And then there was this monster there. It roared at me and grabbed me and slammed me into the ground over and over and I screamed, ‘This isn’t Mitt Romney!… No its moochele slamming the loser to the ground, like a deranged wookie!

  14. jim says:

    Of course it wasn’t Mitt! SHIELD sent in Mitt’s Life Model Decoy (LMD) . The real Mitt was watching from a safe distance.

  15. Mike says:

    Like how he talks tough after the debate. Like he’s to chicken to do it when Romney was there next to him.
    Coward.

  16. Pendog says:

    Obama:”…and, and, what I was gonna say woulda really frosted his donut, but I thought about it in the middle of one of my rambling, incoherent lies and decided it would be too mean, or something. Ooh, you just wait. Next time, Imma kick his ass good”.

  17. Manolo says:

    That’s okay. We’ve been complaining for four years that he’s not a real president.

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