Random Thoughts: Thoughts on the Final Debate… And Before

The Mayor Bloomberg thing really cries out for the need of a remedial class for all politicians to take on the role of government in America.

It’s perfectly cromulent for citizens to dictate what an elected official is allowed to eat, but not the other way around.

I remember in 2000 there was a lot of talk of Bush winning the popular vote but losing the election, but that didn’t happen.

What’s with all the talk about Romnesia? Has Obama mined all he could out of “binders”?

In terms of poll movement, is there any evidence Obama won the Tuesday debate?

Does polling take into account that lots of people only have cell phones now and that Obama is awesome?

“Dang, what was the name of that military base I was going to close four years ago.” #Obamnesia

“Wait… did I remember to pass a budget this year? What about last year?!!” #Obamnesia

“Dang… what’s that thing I keep telling people I’m going to pivot towards…” #Obamnesia

“I don’t what happened yesterday, but somehow I woke up with Biden as my running mate.” #Obamnesia

“7.8% unemployment… that’s exactly where I said we’d be in four years, right?” #Obamnesia

“Wait… I was president these past four years? I thought it was Bush!” #Obamnesia

The only way Nate Silver’s model will be proven wrong is if Gary Johnson wins.

If Tagg Romney’s son does punch Obama, I already have the headline: TAGGED! Send me a million dollars if you use it.

BTW, don’t punch the president.

Good idea for Sesame Street: Give Elmo an arch-nemesis that’s always trapping him in death traps that can only be conquered with counting.

Has anyone considered that some of our problems in this country are related to the fact that there isn’t enough face punching?

Face punching is rather rare these days, and as a result, we all have weak, squishy faces.

“I said I’d cut the deficit in half? That doesn’t sound like me.” #Obamanesia

Couldn’t get Idris Elba for that Alex Cross movie so they went right to Tyler Perry? Seems like there should be a few steps in between there.

What’s the white equivalent of that? “We could get Jeremy Renner for the lead, so we went to Carrot Top.”

Still, Tyler Perry is pretty used to being made fun of by now. I bet he weeps himself to sleep on his giant piles of money.

Don’t know why newspaper waste time writing some long presidential endorsement when they could just write, “We don’t like Republicans.”

According to recent polls, everyone loves polls and thinks we should be spending more money on them.

Rush and Beck should do a “Bands with Names of Right Wing Talk Radio” tour.

Vegetable sprayer? They should call it the “in case your sink is too full of dirty dishes to fit the coffee pot under the faucet” sprayer.

Has Futurama had an “Intergalactic House of Pancakes” background joke yet? Because if not, come on.

Maybe on an election year Halloween should be called “October Surprise.”

“October surprise or treat!”

Still don’t get that one poll that had Obama at +6 but down at 48%.

No reason to worry about Ohio. I hear we’re just going to steal it like we did in 2004.

With the Lance Armstrong controversy, let’s just end bicycle racing. Come on; we have cars now and they’re much faster.

Bicycles don’t even make sense. They only have two wheels. How do they even stay upright? It’s physically impossible.

Good line for Romney in foreign policy debate: “When I am done, all other countries will fear us like an angry god!”

Romney is coming to this debate with a binder full of zingers.

Foreign Policy: If I can’t pronounce it, I bomb it.

Can’t we just wait until November 7th to either laugh at Nate Silver or cower before his mathematical black magic?

I hope in the debate tonight they ask Obama and Romney who are on their kill lists.

What did people do in the weeks leading into a presidential election before polls existed? Churn butter?

What’s BuzzFeed? Sounds a brand name of food for bees.

Young people voting is a stupid idea and I don’t know why we would encourage it.

Have we tried talking Iran into some nuke alternatives, like chemical weapons?

I always imagine Nate Silver in some sort of numbers themed outfit looking like he’s ready to take on Batman.

If Obama wins reelection, I’m going to vacation in Canada.

I don’t have cable so the pre-debate show is Wheel of Fortune.

This is going to be all about foreign policy? BORING!

For the drinking games, how many shots if Tagg runs onstage and punches Obama?

Obama wants praise for increasing security after the fact?

Gah! So bored! They’re talking about all these countries I’ve never heard of! Where even is Syria?

Who wins if no watches this?

Obama: “I’m going to put more teachers in the military.”

Obama: “Who is this navy going to fight? Aquaman?”

I think this debate is going to end with Obama pointing at Romney and screaming, “Scary warmongering Republican!”

“If you could get rid of any five countries, which would they be?”

“Let’s say you got a text from Israel. ‘bomin iran. lol.’ What would you do?”

What’s pockiston?

This debate makes me wish I were smarter and had a longer attention span. Nah, not worth it.

I don’t know how Obama can be for drones but against ATMs.

“How will your China policies affect the price of iPhones?”

Global warming hasn’t been brought up in any of the debates because we have too many actual problems to talk about.

In the future, we’ll pay a billion per student on education and they’ll all be too dumb to even fill out a form to get food stamps.

I hate teachers. I hope we eliminate that job in the future.

20 million out of work, but Romney’s only making 12 million new jobs? Take that, you 8 million losers!

That debate felt longer than all the Republican primary debates put together.

Didn’t see anything in that debate that would halt Romney’s momentum.

The navy is the Aquaman of the military! Who needs it!

Obama tried to paint Romney as a warmonger but Romney came off more of a boremonger.

Obama: “No one cares about the Navy anymore. You saw what a box office stinker Battleship was.”

You can’t fix things by just throwing more teachers at it. Teachers aren’t a fungible commodity.

According to Google, Mali is a country somewhere not America.

So anyone fact check whether we have more or less bayonets and horses than a hundred years ago yet?

What if it comes out that Osama bin Laden was stabbed to death with a bayonet?

Obama: “Why we need navy? No one live on water!”

The main thing I noticed was that Obama was debating like someone behind in the polls who needed to get some momentum.

Bayonets are carbon neutral.

Kinda get the feeling Obama is still a bit ignorant about our current military beyond predator drones.

At least we’re all on the same page about hating the stupid, useless navy we don’t even need anymore. Whoever heard of aqua-terrorists?

Think of how much more birth control we could buy Sandra Fluke if we got rid of the navy.


“Big Bird called; he wants his bayonets back.” -line where Obama definitively won the debate

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  1. Gah! So bored! They’re talking about all these countries I’ve never heard of! Where even is Syria?

    Care to comment on the whole between Iran & the sea thing ’cause that’s what liberals are bothering to focus on.


  2. Dumping on the Navy is proof positive that the Dems have given up on Virginia. Put that on your electoral map.


  3. Obama says we need to help Egypt rebuild its economy. Mr. President, I’m not sure Egypt wants your help with their economy.

    He also said that his sanctions were crippling Iran’s economy. Finally he’s focusing on his strong points. . . . Maybe after he’s out of office, we can use him as a sort of weapon: “Mr. Obama, we need you to go to Russia and destr—rebuild their economy. You’re the only one who can do it! And while you’re there see if you can turn back their oceans; they’ve been worried about them rising.”


  4. What kind of advice could Obama give Egypt on the economy? “Get as many people on government assistance as you possibly can! Seek out people who are too proud to ask for government assistance and MAKE THEM take it!” Even pushers only offer the drugs; they don’t run around injecting innocent bystanders.


  5. If I had the money I’d personally pay for Flukes birth control. One less sad, neglected feminist abuse child in the world sounds fine to me.

    I wonder if people have gotten the idea that voting for someone exciting and daring is just what got us into this mess in the first place. You want daring and exciting go to the movies, go to a concert, go to a bar. I want a nice quiet, dependable person for president. I don’t care about color, race or religion (except islam-since they’re out to kill us ). I care about integrity, honesty, leadership and consistency.


  6. Put Fluke to good use, I hear their hiring for brothels in Nevada. Then she can pay for her own birth control.


  7. Kinda get the feeling Obama doesn’t know the difference between bankruptcy and liquidation. I’m pretty sure he learned the terms from commercials, “Going out of business! Inventory Liquidation! Everything must go!”.


  8. It was “blame Bush,” “bigotry,” “billionaires” and “birth control,” now it’s “Big Bird,” “binders” and “bayonets.” Barry’s B team bangs out the BS.


  9. What do we do until election day now? Don’t know what you’re going to do, I might throw some finishing touches on my O bomb shelter, but I’m not really sure either.



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