Remember Bali: Fun Facts About Australia

Posted on October 12, 2012 11:03 am

Today is the 10th anniversary of the Terrorist bombing that killed 88 Australians. The second shot in the War on Terror.

In their honor: Fun Facts About Australia

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* Australia is sometimes referred to as the “island continent”. This is not exactly true, as it is actually connected to Asia by a series of underwater tunnels constructed by Aquaman prior to starting his so-called crime-fighting “career”.

* Australia was originally a British penal colony for exiled thieves and murderers. It is not to be confused with France, which was originally a British penal colony for the cowardly and annoying.

* Australia eventually outgrew its shady past and evolved into a modern civilized nation. France has yet to make that particular leap.

* The basic unit of Australian currency is giant cans of beer, which explains why Australian men have gargantuan arm muscles.

* Australia is known for its vast, woolly herds of opals.

* It’s also known for its many sheep mining operations.

* The kangaroo is a pouched marsupial native to Australia. Most women own them for storage purposes, since purses are illegal in Australia.

* Rabbits are considered a pest in Australia. Although somewhat cute and fuzzy, they tend to wander the country in packs, destroying everything in sight, and pooping everywhere with no respect for property rights, much like American hippies.

* The central portion of Australia is a dry, barren wasteland containing nothing of interest. Think of it as the real-world equivalent of an MSNBC broadcast day.

* Contrary to a popular American stereotype, most Australians do NOT wear hats decorated with crocodile teeth or sell Subarus. That was just a phase Paul Hogan went through before he found Goth.

* Dingoes are wild dogs native to Australia, and shouldn’t be confused with Ding-Dongs, which have less hair and more cream filling.

* Koala bears, also native to Australia, may look cute and cuddly, but they are actually very dangerous. If you see one, don’t make any sudden moves – just give him your wallet and hope he doesn’t hurt you.

* Australians are strong, loyal, trustworthy, and fierce fighters. If for some unimaginable reason you don’t own a gun, consider carrying an Australian in your holster instead.

* A platypus is an odd-looking creature that appears to be a cross between a duck and a beaver. They live primarily in water and to confuse biologists.

* Ayers’ Rock is an incredibly huge rock that… well… it… um… that is… er… uh… anyway, it’s really big, so don’t make it angry.

* But the best thing about Australians is that they have a great sense of humor. Even if some stupid American comes along and pokes a little good-natured fun at them they’ll just laugh and [WHACK!] OW! MY NOSE!

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Completely off-topic, does anyone know how to extract a giant can of beer from your sinus cavity?

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22 Responses to “Remember Bali: Fun Facts About Australia”

  1. DamnCat says:

    * “Rugby” is the most popular pastime in Australia – narrowly beating out “recovering-from-knee-surgery”.

  2. Jimmy says:

    * The barbeque was invented in Australia. As was the shrimp. But it took while for them to connect the two. Before that, they just threw politicians on it.

  3. jw says:

    *when visiting australia, as you pass through customs, you will be asked, “have you ever committed a felony?”

    resist the temptation to reply, “i didn’t know that was still a requirement.”

    oh, you can think it. but don’t do it.

  4. Tommy the Towelhead says:

    From firsthand experience: never go through Australian customs wearing any article of clothing with an All Blacks logo on it.

  5. Jimmy says:

    * When you hear someone say “that’s Australian for B E E R,” don’t believe it. We all know the Irish invented beer.

  6. Jimmy says:

    * Just remember, the term “down under” does not refer to being underwater with your mortgage.

    * When I hear the Australian expression “walkabout,” I mistakenly think of the Canadian “out ‘n about in a boat.”

    * Why are Canadians’ noses plugged-up?

  7. Critter says:

    The police in Perth, Australia have a fairly easy job. Perth in surrounded either by ocean or the Great Pebble Desert so that if a felon is on the run the coppers just have to blockade the one (1) road out of town that crosses the desert and soon the bad guy gets bored and gives up.

  8. Ernie G says:

    Another fun fact: Of the ten most venomous creatures in the world, twelve are found in Australia.

  9. Michael Z. Williamson says:

    BDSM fans: Aussies are all descended from criminals, so they enjoy being tied up.

  10. Raving Lunatic says:

    Little known fact: Australians really don’t drink very much. They just seem drunk. It comes from all the blood rushing to their head 24/7 due to living upside down.

  11. CTCompromise says:

    All these facts…and nothing about toilet swirl??!! This place is getting too classy for me.

  12. CarolyntheMommy says:

    And a moment of silence for the Americans killed as well, one of whom I knew personally.

  13. La Longue Carabine says:

    All these facts…and nothing about toilet swirl??!! This place is getting too classy for me.

    The toilet water swirls the same way as it does up north. It’s just that in Australia you’re looking at it from the other side because you’re upside down. Under it instead of over it. Etc.

  14. Isaac says:

    I expected more Bruces!

  15. Harvey says:

    @14 Reference link:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_f_p0CgPeyA

    No poofters!

  16. Jimmy says:

    Regarding toilet swirl, the French engineer, G.C. Coriolis, expressed this acceleration as

    2Ω x v

    From this expression, and because he was French, it’s obvious to even the most untrained eye that the toilet water must spin the other way – down there.

  17. plentyobailouts says:

    Fun fact about Australia: You can tell Australian women from Australian men, because their beards are trimmed, and their arm pit hair is braided

    Fun fact about Australia: The Walaby was invented by the Australians, so the Dingoes would quit stealing our babies!

    Fun fact about Australia: If startled a kangaroo can run almost as fast as a surrendering frenchman.

  18. Anna says:

    jw, I’m going to Australia next month, and I totally want to do that! I don’t think I’ll be able to resist…

  19. CarolyntheMommy says:

    Jw and Anna I’m sorry to say I was asked no such question at Kingsford Smith. My response would have been, “Committed or convicted?”

    I do love Australia. It’s my first choice of refuge if Obama is re-elected. Enjoy, Anna!

  20. Mike says:

    No dingo ate your baby joke?
    This was oddly good natured for FrankJ discussing foreigners.

  21. jw says:

    anna and carolynthemommy, perhaps lovely ladies are queried differently than ugly old guys? at least at kingsford smith.

  22. Karen says:

    In Australia, everything is poisonous and everything can and will kill you. The primary spoken language is screaming.

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