Straight Line of the Day: The Weirdest Item in Obama’s 20-page Second Term Plan…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The weirdest item in Obama’s 20-page second term plan…

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  1. …is the budget item for his daughters’ college tuition.

    …is the new nuclear missile reduction strategy called “The ‘Flexible’ Plan Forward”.

    …is the dedication: “For Karl Mark, who’s book we have copied… I mean redistributed”.

    …is nothing, if by weird you mean out of place.

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  2. …”item #1. the frank admission that we’re not going to open this document again. we’ve not kept our word to this point; why start now?”

    …the fact that he’s admitting he needs four years to accomplish 20 pages of writing. that’s roughly equivalent to a high school essay two week homework assignment. .

    …”appendix A: mein kampf.”

    …”appendix B: the collected writings of keynes.”

    …”appendix C: the reign of king george: a retrospective in leadership.”

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  3. IIX: I promise I will try to go to at least 4 presidential daily briefings. (Saturday, Sunday, golf day, or any day petraeus wants to meet before 11 are off the table) one per year.

    IX: I will only bow to foreign leaders if I REALLY think its necessary.

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  4. …was an elastic garter, in frilly black lace, 52 inches in diameter, with “Michelle” stitched on the inside, which was found next to a page marked Wedding Vow Renewal And Coronation Ceremony.

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  5. There are a couple:
    1) An Ebonics translation matrix, for the Hippity-Hoppiest among us.
    2)No even-numbered pages…They are all Odd…….
    3)The ‘Forward’, dedicated to Michelle and his composite girlfriends was a nice touch.
    4)I thought the included O for A bookmark was a bit much…..

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  6. An Executive order making December 25th a Holiday for Chairman Mao…and a mandate that everyone in the country must NEVER read the biography of Mao Zedong the Chinese communist leader responsible for the disastrous policies including the ‘Great Leap Forward’!

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  7. The kennel being installed next to the kitchen

    The changed words from old speeches so that he can give iPods as gifts

    A picture of emaciated children in a school cafeteria

    An executive order prohibiting the speaking of Sasquatch’s given name

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  8. …declaring a consolidation of power by eliminating title of Commander in Chief, now referred to as Mmander in Chief.

    …is his plan to make Snoop Dogg Secretary of Herbal Agriculture.

    …was his belief that redistribution of a man’s stash the one thing that could not be found in the Commerce Clause.

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  9. …is the introduction, which ends with, “and so, there’s only 19 pages left of things we didn’t f*#k up in the first term, so let’s get crackin’!”

    …is the fact that all 20 “pages” are sticky notes with the words “executive privledge” written on them.

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  10. the opening:

    We hold these opinions to be self-perpetuating, that all men are created equal, but some are more equal than others, that women belong in binders, that they are endowed by their Imagination with certain subjective opportunities, that among these are Eating, Drinking and the pursuit of Mediocrity.–That to frustrate them in pursuit of said opportunities, Governments are instituted among Men (and allowed to continue by Women), inventing their unjust powers by the willful apathy of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to try to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, upon which time we will smite them. Lack of Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes like disregarding the Constitution; But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, we will know we have accomplished that Grand Goal we have laid before ourselves–Such has been the patient sufferance of these Politicians; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government, and make remake it in their image. The history of the present Supreme Ruler is a history of repeated sympathetic speeches and needed usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world. Drink up bitches!

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  11. @4of7:
    i’m not quite sure if you are offering me bacon from your own stash (which i would wholeheartedly appreciate) or if you are positing that the 20 page plan contains the framework for a federal bacon subsidy, for which i would be considered. that may be outlined under subsection C, “Ministry of Bacon”.

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  12. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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