Straight Line of the Day: The Weirdest Item in Obama’s 20-page Second Term Plan…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The weirdest item in Obama’s 20-page second term plan…
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October 30th, 2012 at 12:03 pm
… are the binders full of women.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:03 pm
His weekly pizza delivery schedule run to Florida.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:05 pm
getting Joe Biden to photobomb natural disasters wearing only a rubber horses head.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:08 pm
…finding the d@amn instructions to Chenney’s weather machine…@#$@#%@#%
October 30th, 2012 at 12:13 pm
… Translated from the German by Bill Ayers (HT Hope and Change http://hopenchangecartoons.blogspot.com/2012/10/red-ink.html)
… if you angle it just right, you can tell where they scraped Mao off the cover.
… The last page is a coupon for a brown shirt.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:14 pm
…is the fact that it took him 19 additional pages to explain how he was going to destroy America.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:18 pm
…was the redacted page titled : Working with Republicans (i.e. Final Solution)
October 30th, 2012 at 12:21 pm
…was the centerfold of him naked in front of a fireplace.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:22 pm
…was an article claiming that Bigfoot sired a baby with Ann Romney.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:24 pm
…was a pair of pull out blinders for supporters to use on Election Day.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:28 pm
A picture of Police Chief Martin Brody with the caption, “I think you’re gonna need a bigger vote.”
October 30th, 2012 at 12:28 pm
…was a connect the dots page created by Joe. It had 5 dots.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:30 pm
directions for Eric Holder — “Badges?… You don’t need no stinkin’ badges.”
October 30th, 2012 at 12:30 pm
…was the last page. The first 19 pages listed his failed policies from his first term. The last page just said, “Repeat as necessary.”
October 30th, 2012 at 12:30 pm
…to gain access to Iran’s nuclear sites… first build a giant wood badger….
October 30th, 2012 at 12:31 pm
…was a “Find the hidden clues” page.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:32 pm
…is the budget item for his daughters’ college tuition.
…is the new nuclear missile reduction strategy called “The ‘Flexible’ Plan Forward”.
…is the dedication: “For Karl Mark, who’s book we have copied… I mean redistributed”.
…is nothing, if by weird you mean out of place.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:34 pm
“Day 1: Beyonce/Springsteen Fundraiser for 3rd Term Campaign”
October 30th, 2012 at 12:35 pm
…was the admonition “First rule of Cabinet Meetings: Nobody talks about Cabinet Meetings! Second rule of Cabinet Meetings: Nobody talks about Cabinet Meetings!”
October 30th, 2012 at 12:36 pm
…is that it’s a pop-up book.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:36 pm
…the Where’s Waldo page…
October 30th, 2012 at 12:37 pm
…is that 47% of voters will take it at face value.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:37 pm
…was that 19 pages had “This page intentionally left blank” printed on them.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:38 pm
@Rodney #21: It shows the White House Situation room.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:41 pm
Big Bird is named Secretary of Education.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:41 pm
…is that agreements with foreign nations will be printed on rubber for increased flexibility.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:42 pm
@FormerHostage… There’s just no end to the possibilities to this ‘straight line of the day’
October 30th, 2012 at 12:44 pm
…”item #1. the frank admission that we’re not going to open this document again. we’ve not kept our word to this point; why start now?”
…the fact that he’s admitting he needs four years to accomplish 20 pages of writing. that’s roughly equivalent to a high school essay two week homework assignment. .
…”appendix A: mein kampf.”
…”appendix B: the collected writings of keynes.”
…”appendix C: the reign of king george: a retrospective in leadership.”
October 30th, 2012 at 12:47 pm
@archangel: Appendix D: Pol Pot-pourri
October 30th, 2012 at 12:48 pm
…it was written in crayon.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:49 pm
IIX: I promise I will try to go to at least 4 presidential daily briefings. (Saturday, Sunday, golf day, or any day petraeus wants to meet before 11 are off the table) one per year.
IX: I will only bow to foreign leaders if I REALLY think its necessary.
October 30th, 2012 at 12:52 pm
…All STOP signs will be changed to STOP AND PAY TAXES signs
October 30th, 2012 at 12:53 pm
…was the title: “How to Serve Humans.”
It’s a COOK BOOK!!!
October 30th, 2012 at 1:07 pm
… is the fact that he thinks this dreck will help his re-election chances.
October 30th, 2012 at 1:13 pm
…the creation of 7 new states.
October 30th, 2012 at 1:15 pm
@FormerHostage:
…as well as every other government handout they can get their hands on.
October 30th, 2012 at 1:15 pm
Was his pledge to save or create 10,000 new jobs doing the kind of excellent internet and news
coveragecensorship that the Chinese are lucky enough to already enjoy.October 30th, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Creating a new cabinet level post and calling it, “Business”. (You know … for business.) And have a ‘Secretary of Business’ to run it and everything. Pretty cool, huh?!
October 30th, 2012 at 1:22 pm
The promise of a Marlboro Light to every first time female voter.
October 30th, 2012 at 1:23 pm
…was that it was written in Arabic.
October 30th, 2012 at 1:30 pm
The weirdest item in Obama’s 20-page second term plan… was the tear and mascara stains…
October 30th, 2012 at 1:50 pm
Shane, I present you your well earned ~~~~
October 30th, 2012 at 2:12 pm
…was an elastic garter, in frilly black lace, 52 inches in diameter, with “Michelle” stitched on the inside, which was found next to a page marked Wedding Vow Renewal And Coronation Ceremony.
October 30th, 2012 at 2:14 pm
There are a couple:
1) An Ebonics translation matrix, for the Hippity-Hoppiest among us.
2)No even-numbered pages…They are all Odd…….
3)The ‘Forward’, dedicated to Michelle and his composite girlfriends was a nice touch.
4)I thought the included O for A bookmark was a bit much…..
October 30th, 2012 at 2:22 pm
An Executive order making December 25th a Holiday for Chairman Mao…and a mandate that everyone in the country must NEVER read the biography of Mao Zedong the Chinese communist leader responsible for the disastrous policies including the ‘Great Leap Forward’!
October 30th, 2012 at 2:29 pm
….was that the words only show when fresh blood is spilled on the pages.
October 30th, 2012 at 2:43 pm
It’s the script for the Barack-y Horror Picture Show.
October 30th, 2012 at 2:52 pm
The kennel being installed next to the kitchen
The changed words from old speeches so that he can give iPods as gifts
A picture of emaciated children in a school cafeteria
An executive order prohibiting the speaking of Sasquatch’s given name
October 30th, 2012 at 3:12 pm
… the centerfold of Chris Matthews. You’re welcome for the visual.
October 30th, 2012 at 3:22 pm
The fine print disclaimer: None of the previous is accurate. Once I trnsferred the contents from Fort Knox out of the country, I will disappear.
October 30th, 2012 at 3:39 pm
…declaring a consolidation of power by eliminating title of Commander in Chief, now referred to as Mmander in Chief.
…is his plan to make Snoop Dogg Secretary of Herbal Agriculture.
…was his belief that redistribution of a man’s stash the one thing that could not be found in the Commerce Clause.
October 30th, 2012 at 4:24 pm
. . . is the assumption that he will have a second term as President.
October 30th, 2012 at 5:08 pm
It was just a list of golf courses he wanted to play during his second term and travel brochures of where Mooch and the kids will be taking their bi-monthly vacations.
October 30th, 2012 at 5:32 pm
…is the twelve pages of the “word” ahhhh. Second weirdest is the seven pages of errrrrrrs. The rest them are pure Grade-A genius type plans though.
October 30th, 2012 at 5:51 pm
…101 ways for Americans to eat their peas.
October 30th, 2012 at 6:01 pm
…is the introduction, which ends with, “and so, there’s only 19 pages left of things we didn’t f*#k up in the first term, so let’s get crackin’!”
…is the fact that all 20 “pages” are sticky notes with the words “executive privledge” written on them.
October 30th, 2012 at 6:19 pm
…is the fact it’s actually 1,000 pages long.
…if you flip the pages, you see an animation of Joe Biden trying to tie his shoes and succeeding in tying them together.
October 30th, 2012 at 6:41 pm
the opening:
We hold these opinions to be self-perpetuating, that all men are created equal, but some are more equal than others, that women belong in binders, that they are endowed by their Imagination with certain subjective opportunities, that among these are Eating, Drinking and the pursuit of Mediocrity.–That to frustrate them in pursuit of said opportunities, Governments are instituted among Men (and allowed to continue by Women), inventing their unjust powers by the willful apathy of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to try to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, upon which time we will smite them. Lack of Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes like disregarding the Constitution; But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, we will know we have accomplished that Grand Goal we have laid before ourselves–Such has been the patient sufferance of these Politicians; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government, and make remake it in their image. The history of the present Supreme Ruler is a history of repeated sympathetic speeches and needed usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world. Drink up bitches!
October 30th, 2012 at 9:20 pm
….. is still a secret because we have to re-elect Obama before he can show us what’s in it.
October 30th, 2012 at 10:36 pm
Bacon for archangel!
October 31st, 2012 at 12:47 am
Plan there is no plan, just like there have been no budgets. The plan like budgets and cake is a lie.
October 31st, 2012 at 7:04 am
@4of7:
i’m not quite sure if you are offering me bacon from your own stash (which i would wholeheartedly appreciate) or if you are positing that the 20 page plan contains the framework for a federal bacon subsidy, for which i would be considered. that may be outlined under subsection C, “Ministry of Bacon”.
October 31st, 2012 at 7:01 pm
[...] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “The weirdest item in Obama’s 20-page second term plan…” [...]
November 1st, 2012 at 8:37 am
is the burn after election watermark on every page