10 Ideas to Modernize the Republican Party

Posted on November 12, 2012 11:00 am

After the disappointing 2012 election, people keep talking about what the GOP will need to do to win in the future. I will also talk about that. Here are my ideas for the GOP to modernize itself and win more elections:

NEW IDEAS FOR THE REPUBLICAN PARTY

* Replace the ‘o’ in GOP with a zero so it’s more like l33t speak.

* Adopt that blase attitude about everything that’s so popular these days, so next election just run a few ads where the candidates sarcastically say, “Reelect me because I’m a loser who only cares about getting elected and stuff. Like whatever.”

* Start to sucking up to robots so GOP will get all the robot votes when one day robots are allowed to vote (the 30th Amendment). Use shotgun wielding cyborg Dick Cheney as an ambassador.

* Come up with a new dance craze, “GOP Style,” where you dance by miming riding an elephant.

* Calm fears about the new Star Wars movies by making coming up with another creature like Jar Jar Binks a crime punishable by severe fines and imprisonment.

* Take the current GOP logo, and add racing stripes.

* Instead of pandering to the races the Democrats are already working on, go after Orcs and Night Elves in World of Warcraft.

* Make CSPAN more interesting by having all Republican speakers use autotune.

* UFC is popular; make Congress more like that. In the least, install an Octagon. “We’ll settle this… in the Octagon!”

* Mustaches now mandatory for all men in the GOP.

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10 Responses to “10 Ideas to Modernize the Republican Party”

  1. rodney dill says:

    Mustaches now mandatory for all men in the GOP.M

    …and women too.

  2. rodney dill says:

    Replace the elephant with the T-Rex or at least a velociraptor.

  3. Ogrrre says:

    Frank, I know you were being sarcastic, but here is a real suggestion: all primaries on the same day. That way, all Republicans can choose their candidates, instead of Iowa and a few other states effectively choosing for us. If necessary, a run-off primary two weeks later. Then we need to work on those states that have open primaries so that only Republicans choose their candidate; Democratics can’t choose our candidate for us.

  4. Apostic says:

    Replace the ‘o’ in GOP with a zero so it’s more like l33t speak.

    “90P”, thank you very much…

    Mustaches now mandatory for all men in the GOP.

    This is already mandatory for Democratic Party women.

  5. Iowa Jim says:

    Trendsetter that I am, I’ve had a mustache (sometimes combined with a beard) for all but a few months since late 1970.

  6. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    Replace the ‘o’ in GOP with a zero so it’s more like l33t speak

    H4XX0r G0PWN3R5H1P!

    UFC is popular; make Congress more like that. In the least, install an Octagon. “We’ll settle this… in the Octagon!”

    That should be The GOPtagon!

    Mustaches now mandatory for all men in the GOP

    Why not? Dem women grow out their beards. However, a return to the mustache-muttonchop combo popular in the mid=to-late 19th century would be more distinctive.

  7. Son of Bob says:

    Apologize even more for Republican voters. Nothing turns out the vote like a party that goes on TV and talks about how their own voters are fringe wackos for wanting them to adhere to the Constitution.

  8. Jimmy says:

    1. Make the official flag of the Republican Party the Gadsden Flag.

    2. Refuse to fund anything to do with Obamacare.

    3. Announce that the first and only plank of the party platform is the U.S. Constitution.

    4. Refuse to raise the debt ceiling.

    5. Be willing to shut down this government due to lack of funding.

    The list is long – but that’s a start.

  9. Maxamillian says:

    Replace the Octagon with Thunderdome!

  10. Fly says:

    The GOP logo elephant already has a racing stripe, doesn’t he? Or is the elephant decapitated? If so, painting racing stripes onto him would just be mean, Frank.

    Maybe they decapitated him to pander to the dead vote which always goes heavily Democrat. Didn’t work out though. Just goes to show that chasing demographics doesn’t work.

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