Follow the Blood Red Brick Road

Posted on November 19, 2012 6:00 pm

Last known associates include a man-eating beast and a heartless ax-wielding maniac. May be armed with a bucket of water…

[h/t Ace of Spades HQ]

After I finished laughing at this, it got me thinking. What other famous movie plots could be twisted into something so absurdly different by a short and true, yet highly distorted, plot synopsis? The possibilities seem endless!

Have at it in the comments. I can’t wait to see what you Moon-Nukers come up with!

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32 Responses to “Follow the Blood Red Brick Road”

  1. Andrew Felsher says:

    The Princess Bride: A pirate murders a government employee, escapes custody with the assistance of known kidnappers posing as law enforcement, who stab a government official to death, before fleeing the country in stolen transportation.

    A New Hope: A politician’s son, an anti-social fugitive and a narcotics smuggler free a known anti-government activist and kill millions of law-abiding citizens, causing septillions in damages to government property.

    The Return of the Jedi: A group of fugitives in the employ of a desert-dwelling crime lord murder a prominent local citizen for collecting debts owed him. They then bomb a government defense project responsible for millions of new jobs by exploiting the indigenous population.

  2. MunDane says:

    The Avengers: An octegenarian leads a team of reluctant heroes angry at god

    The Hunger Games: based on a Children’s book about a girl who kills people for a TV show

    Paranormal Events: Who f^ck knows what the shaky cam was trying to show

    Serenity: Government agent tries to kill a space cowboy

  3. Rayfan87 says:

    Red Dawn: Insurgents massacre troops sent to liberate the people.

  4. Bad Science says:

    Alien: A mostly unstoppable creature kills a bunch of stupid people, and billions of dollars of private investment is destroyed at the end.
    Rats, that really was my favorite movie. Oh, well.

  5. Bad Science says:

    It isn’t a movie, but it is the one show I found scarier than Alien:
    Max Headroom (20 minutes into the future): most people sit around watching TVs that don’t have off buttons or volume controls.

  6. Harvey says:

    @4 – So… Ripley is Barack Obama?

  7. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    Bambi: The Freudian life of an heir to nobility is shown as he experiences Oedipal fascinations, matricide, awkward adolescence, paternal confrontations, violent conflicts with a rival suitor for the object of his affections, arson, and escape to safe harbor, where he assumes his hereditary title and acknowledges that, yes, he is the father of twins.

    Chitty Chitty Bang Bang: Eccentric Brit inventor suffers psychotic break after his children are caught out truant from school by the daughter of a lesser noble. The shame of this event causes the inventor to believe in flying cars, that his neighbors have become hostile Germanic types, and that his dancing and singing seizures may actually be percieved as charming efforts at wooing the noble Lady instead of the reality that the inventor is, in fact, certifiable.

    Dr. Doolittle: After inhaling an excess of ether, and possibly smoking too much opium, a British physician abandons his human clientele, passionately hallucinating that he can speak articulately with animals and thus effect a greater success in the veterinary medicinal arts.

  8. The Truth Hurts says:

    I don’t have any suggestions, but it seems to me that anyone employed by the MSM should be very good at this sort of thing…

  9. Mike in OH says:

    Roger and Me: Left wing loser talks out of his a** for 90 minutes, blames America and capitalism for every problem under the sun
    Pets or Meat–the Return to Flint Left wing loser talks out of his a** for 90 minutes, blames America and capitalism for every problem under the sun
    The Big One Left wing loser talks out of his a** for 90 minutes, blames America and capitalism for every problem under the sun
    Bowling for Columbine Left wing loser talks out of his a** for 90 minutes, blames America and capitalism for every problem under the sun
    Fahrenheit 9/11 Left wing loser talks out of his a** for 90 minutes, blames America and capitalism for every problem under the sun
    Slacker Uprising Left wing loser talks out of his a** for 90 minutes, blames America and capitalism for every problem under the sun
    Sicko Left wing loser talks out of his a** for 90 minutes, blames America and capitalism for every problem under the sun
    Capitalism: A Love Story Left wing loser talks out of his a** for 90 minutes, blames America and capitalism for every problem under the sun
    An Inconvenient Truth Left wing loser talks out of his a** for 90 minutes, blames America and capitalism for every problem under the sun

  10. Mr_Write says:

    Jaws: Evil fishermen murder a great white shark while it is innocently feeding.
    Nacho Libre: A priest rebels against the Catholic church by wearing stretchy pants, lusting after a nun, and beating performance artists.
    Enemy Mine: A former pilot tries to assuage the guilt of his race by rescuing an alien child from his fellow human slave drivers.
    Pocahontas: A European sailor learns from a singing Native American woman how his race is instinctively driven to pillage and destroy the environment.
    Beauty and the Beast: An insane hunter tries to kill a harmless creature and dominate a free-thinking woman.
    The Little Mermaid: An abusive father drives his musical daughter away with his loud voice and destructive behavior.
    Dumbo: An adolescent elephant and his mouse friend get drunk and hallucinate.
    Fern Gully: Men are evil, fairies are good.
    Star Trek: The Voyage Home: Men are bad, whales are good.
    E.T.: Adult males are evil, women, children and aliens are good.
    Close Encounters of the Third Kind: A large number of humans are mysteriously attracted to the 5-note tune of an alien race
    The Abyss: A man makes an incredibly deep dive and watches a video about how men are bad.

  11. tomg51 says:

    The Road Warrior: Young community servant befriends verbally challenged orphan boy and together they overcome diversity.

  12. hwuu says:

    Blues Brothers- The sad and difficult life in the shadows of the law of a professional musician.

    Star wars- Orphans need to be careful or they might kiss their sister.

    Star wars, The empire strikes back. – A boy is trained by a puppet with poor syntax.

    Star Wars, Return of the Jedi.- Murderous bug eyed teddy bears riot and contribute to the destruction of their world. Also, Wookies do not get medals because they are pets.

    10- Porn can be mildly funny.

    Bill and Ted’s excellent adventure- Stoners from the future would totally mess with the present if they developed time travel.

    Inception. – Never kill yourself even if you might be dreaming.

  13. FormerHostage says:

    Old Yeller: a young boy is forced to defend his family against a rabid dog.

  14. FormerHostage says:

    Iron Giant: A robotic war machine from space detonates an atomic weapon over a small town while the townspeople and Army troops watch helplessly.

  15. FormerHostage says:

    Snow White: A young maiden left for dead is found by a group of miners who take her deep into the woods to their lair. She soon takes charge and dominates the miners, making them do things they never would have before.

  16. Manolo says:

    Animal House: Youths’ creativity is supressed in an academic environment co-opted by the military industrial complex. Faced with unconscienable conscription, they revolt against their tormentors.

  17. Manolo says:

    Pretty Woman: An independent, woman-owned business applies free market principles to provide needed market-driven services, acquiring tangible and intangible taxable assets and a long-term revenue stream.

  18. CarolyntheMommy says:

    I always thought of Wizard of Oz as a sort of ultimate chick flick: 2 women fighting to the death over a pair of shoes.

  19. CarolyntheMommy says:

    The Sound of Music: Unfamiliar woman prone to fits of singing leads children to think they are free of their father’s uber-strict ways only to drag them out in the middle of the night and force them to walk over mountains until daylight.

  20. CarolyntheMommy says:

    Back to the Future: Young teen proves that speeding through parking lots doesn’t just save your life from Libyans, it can also improve your family’s socioeconomic status tremendously.

    The Goonies: Two troubled brothers lead a pack of teens without any parents to speak of through a series of death traps.

  21. Peregrine John says:

    Then there’s always Scary Poppins and Shining.

  22. Manolo says:

    Frankenstein: A doctor struggles to keep a patient alive under the provisions of the Affordable Care Act, reaching the point where the doctor realizes the government’s edict and the patient’s demands for free things have corrupted his profession and business. In a final act of compassion for his patient and as protest against the government, the doctor takes the patient off life support then commits suicide.

  23. Clueless says:

    Raiders of the Lost Ark: Grave robber denies world leader chance to talk to God directly.

  24. tomg51 says:

    #17 Ha! ~~~~

  25. springeraz says:

    “It’s a Wonderful Life” ….High school hero in Bedford Falls fakes hearing loss to avoid military service. After a brief stint in the drug trade, he and his uncle join forces with a rogue cop and a taxi driver, and the towns economy is soon destroyed and the townspeople thrown into a panic. In the midst of all this, a mysterious creature descends to Earth with his own eerie agenda. Bank fraud and near suicide lead to confrontation with beloved town patriarch, Mr. Potter, but things are finally put right. At the end of the film, his wife murders a turkey, while the children dance gleefully, accompanied by ritualistic chanting from the townspeople.

  26. spacemonkey says:

    Star Wars: Terrorists kill millions of Government Employees

  27. Cory says:

    Tremors – Group of ignorant conservatives clinging to their guns and religion invade the natural habitat of several nearly extinct animals.

    Independence Day – Greedy humans refuse to share their resources with a group of displaced immigrants from another world.

    24 – 24 steps to achieving real and lasting world peace.

    Lord of the Rings – Show depicting an outdated and overly simplistic view of good versus evil. Completely lacking in moral nuance and perspective.

  28. Creature says:

    How to Train Your Dragon: Intelligent creatures fight for their lives in a cold landscape, at war with men that want to destroy them all. One of them is disabled and handicapped while trying to neutralize weapons of war, and then is subsequently discovered by the young man who injured it. The young man then feeds it, gains it’s trust, and secretly uses it to learn the weaknesses of all the creatures. It develops Stockholm Syndrome and indentures itself to the young man, only later to be used to betray its own kind. In the end, men have won the war and use these creatures as beasts of burden.

    Ratatouille: Vermin infest popular restaurant. Young man uses fraud to become famous. Successful businessman is vilified.

    Forrest Gump: Mentally retarded man tells unbelievable stories about war, death, anti-government sentiment, destruction, horrific natural disasters, child abuse, corruption in public education, diseases, amputation, attempted suicide, and sexual abuse. Unhealthy snack food which contributes to obesity, diabetes, and tooth decay is featured prominently.

    Pretty Woman: Greedy businessman falls in love with a prostitute, assaults his best friend and business partner.

  29. Harvey says:

    @27 – Now I’m curious to see Hollywood make a Lord of the Rings movie with Sauron as the good guy who was mutilated and imprisoned for centuries and he’s just trying to find some fertile lands for his people to live in after they all exiled and condemned to live in the barren wastes of Mordor.

    This time those sneaky Hobbit terrorists won’t get away with keeping Sauron’s ring away from its creator & rightful owner.

  30. Mr. Right says:

    Bravo! Bacon for everybody!!!

  31. Bad Science says:

    Obama as Ripley? Huh, I’d never thought of that before. I suppose that works, after all, she did let the spoon fly on the cargo. Although I’d like to think he was more like the Alien, you know, some stupid people thinking they are doing the right thing (electing Democrats) unleash the most awful thing ever causing misery for everybody.

  32. Manolo says:

    @26: I’ll go to my grave wishing I’d have thought of that!

    Bacon to you! Bacon to you!

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