I get that America is a popular country and people want to be here, but at the same time we can’t just have people just breaking all our laws because that disrespects us. And as president, I won’t let others see us be disrespected as the portrays weakness and will get us attacked.
Still, being compassionate, I have come up with some compromises on illegal immigration. A long while ago, I proposed obliterating Mexico, but I decided that was basically the same as amnesty (since you’d have no where to deport illegal immigrants to). In the Homeland Security chapter of my new book, I came up with a new compromise. Since actions must have consequences, someone must be deported for everyone who comes here illegally. But it doesn’t have to be the illegal immigrant. Instead, that guy can come to us and say, “Hey, I’m really sorry, but you have a great country and it was in walking distance and I couldn’t help myself. But I promise to be a good worker and an asset to this country. But here’s a useless hippie who does nothing but annoy people. Why don’t you deport him.” And then we’ll be like, “Okay. Wrestle this grizzly bear to prove your American-ness and it is done.”
So let’s look at illegal immigration as a chance to replace the most useless idiots in society that we used to be stuck with because they happened to be born here.
Frank J. 2016: Wrestle grizzly bears. Deport useless people.