As I’ve started my presidential campaign, people have wondered what are my views on war. War is a horrible and terrible thing, but it should mainly be horrible and terrible for the other guy while we get a bunch of cool missile cam videos out of it.
Now, I’m not interested in starting a bunch of wars. Frankly, I’m not interested in foreign countries at all, and as president I’d do everything I could to not have to interact with them. If some country tries to get some monarch to meet with me, I will spit on him. Leave me alone you foreign weirdos.
Sometimes, though, a country is a jerk and need to get blown up. So my policy is we’ll go in, blow it up a bunch, and leave. No nation building. They want to start a democracy after we blow them up, good for them. But whatever; I don’t really care.
Some may say that if we just blow up a country and leave, it may rise up again and threaten us some more. I have a solution for that. We go back and blow it up again. And leave. We’ll repeat as many times as necessary; eventually the country will get the idea. The thing is, our military is very good at blowing stuff up. And we can easily do it over and over with little risk to us and not that much cost to the taxpayer. It’s the staying in a country that is risky and costly. So we’re going to stop doing that.
Frank J. 2016: Blow them up. Leave.