How to Deal with Hamas

So Israel and Hamas are trading blows again, if you haven’t heard. I know…big deal, right? This always plays out the same way. Hamas starts firing rockets and missiles made in Iran into Israel. Most of them don’t actually hit anything, but some do and Israel gets a little grumpy about it and starts blowing up Hamas terrorist leaders and their rocket/missile sites. Which are all conveniently parked next to schools and mosques and old people homes and the like. So there are some “civilian” casualties.

At this point, the international community starts whining about Israel picking on Palestine, and how evil those war mongering Israelis are, and for there to be peace Israel must stop attacking Palestine and “come to the table” and, I don’t know, agree to stop existing or something. And eventually Israel will meet their Hamas targets killed quota and will back off, allowing Hamas to lick their wounds and re-arm, only to do it all again a few years later.

You would think this cycle might eventually break, and by any of the parties involved. First you have the Palestinians themselves. You know…average Joe Palestine. He’s not part of Hamas, he works to feed his family, and is only moderately annoyed with infidels and Jews. But those Hamas blokes keep starting a shooting match with the Jews, and unfortunately the Jews are kind of better at it. But for some reason, Joe and guys like him just go along with Hamas’ antics, like putting rocket launchers next to his kids’ school.

Then there is the international community of leftist windbags who think it’s their job to cry foul every time Israel attempts to defend itself. Because Palestine are the “little guys” in this thing. Regardless of the fact that the “little guys” are the ones who keep starting it. You would think the rest of the world would eventually be like…”fine Israel, just blow them up and put an end to this”.

And then there is Israel. Some say they have incredible patience and restraint. I’m not one of them. The average Johnny Jew knows by now that the only way there will be peace is when Hamas and their ilk lie in pieces. And everyone knows that weapons are being funneled to Hamas by Iran and Syria, and now possibly Egypt. So you would think Israel would finally just start nuking things.

Well, maybe not nuking Palestine, because it’s a little too close to home, and Israel might want that land back eventually without it being irradiated. But Syria and Iran are decent targets. Israel doesn’t even need to nuke major cities. Just go after viable targets and send the message that they will start nuking things from now on every time Hamas fires a rocket. I’d go as far as to say, any time they hear someone in Palestine say the word “rocket” (unless they are singing the American National Anthem), that they will nuke something in Iran or Syria. Maybe even a camel…they like their camels in those parts of the world.

So the shipments of rockets and missiles to Hamas would probably dry up at that point. And Iran and Syria will be too busy worrying about what Israel might nuke next to really be of any concern, so the IDF can go in and just finish off Hamas. I know what you’re thinking…you still have all of the international whiners to deal with. Well, everytime some whiny leftist country complains about Israel nuking a tent in Iran, they should just nuke another one.

I’d even go as far as bringing the war to Twitter. Like, whenever some hippie on twitter is like “Israel iz evl! They shld be wipd out for reelz!”, then Israel should just tweet back something like: “Thanks for your opinion. Because of it, we just nuked a place in Iran that was not nuked yet. Any more opinions?”

I mean, I’m not an expert on this stuff, but that does seem like a working plan.

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  1. I think that’s a good plan, but they should probably work on a slogan first. Plans are worthless without slogans, and a good enough slogan can even make a plan unnecessary.
    “Don’t rocket us, we’ll rock you”
    “Little boom here make big boom there. Don’t boom”
    “Welcome to Israel: rocket laws enforced by nukes”


  2. “You would think this cycle might eventually break, and by any of the parties involved.”

    Our glorious leader will break the cycle when he manages to get The Muslim Brotherhood in charge of all countries involved.


  3. What’s all this fuss about humus, anyway? Afterall, it’s just mashed up chickpeas. Why do the Jews hate chickpeas so much? Have they tried flavoring it with some rock salt or their kosher spices?? And why do they send rockets to get rid of humus when they could just scrape it into the garbage disposal?! Haven’t they got something better to use their rockets on… like foreign enemies or something?

    -This has been a moment with Miss Emily Lietella (Joe Biden’s biggest fan).


  4. “Nuke the Moon”
    “Nuke Tents for Tweets”

    Congrats, Keln, you’ve successfully proven that an attractive and dynamic political philosophy is the responsible and mature equivalent of an MMORPG.

    Deal me in, I’m playing!


  5. That’s like pavlov’s “conditional reflex” concept, like if a libtard rings a bell, instead of a dog salivating Iran gets nuked. I bet they would stop ringing the bell very quickly. I bet that can even be automated, have some code running on a web server searching for those tweets, and upon finding one sends a signal to the launch pad.

    I think you should contemplate similar systems for other scenarios, like:
    * whenever Al Gore blames a severe weather event on global warming
    * whenever Sandra Fluke complains about paying for contraceptives
    * whenever Obama goes golfing
    * etc.


  6. If they delivered said nuke to Syria with a captured Iranian rocket fired from the Gaza strip, The problem might resolve itself. Appearently it’s not news when muslims kill each other and they can all have a martyrie good time.


  7. Keln, I think you’ve captured the entire “problem solving” spectrum there.

    “…Either nuke it or rub some bacon on it.”

    Since I assume I can eat the bacon afterwards, since I don’t waste bacon by rubbing it on something dirty, I’m going to classify this solution as “Deep Wisdom”.

    Many thanks.



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